Jester's Condescending English Dictionary - E
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
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| Eagleson's Law | n | Any code of your own that you haven't looked at for six or more months, might as well have been written by someone else. (Eagleson is an optimist, the real number is more like three weeks.) |
| economics | n | Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J.K. Galbraith. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac" |
| Economies of scale | n | The notion that bigger is better. In particular, that if you want a certain amount of computer power, it is much better to buy one biggie than a bunch of smallies. Accepted as an article of faith by people who love big machines and all that complexity. Rejected as an article of faith by those who love small machines and all those limitations. |
| economist | n | Someone who's good with figures, but doesn't have enough personality to become an accountant. |
| Ecstacy | n | It's the feeling you get when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before. |
| Education | n | What is left after what has been learnt is forgotten. |
| Egotism | n | Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" |
| Egotist | n | A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" |
| Ehrman's Commentary | n | (1) Things will get worse before they get better. (2) Who said things would get better? |
| Elbonics | n | The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theatre. -- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends |
| Electrician | n | A switch doctor. |
| Electrocution | n | Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements. |
| Elephant | n | A mouse built to government specifications. |
| Eleventh Law of Acoustics | n | In a minimum-phase system there is an inextricable link between frequency response, phase response and transient response, as they are all merely transforms of one another. This combined with minimalization of open-loop errors in output amplifiers and correct compensation for non-linear passive crossover network loading can lead to a significant decrease in system resolution lost. However, of course, this all means jack when you listen to Pink Floyd. |
| Elliptical | n | The feel of a kiss. |
| Emacs | n | A slow-moving parody of a text editor. |
| embarrassment | n | Finding out your German Shepherd has the clap. |
| Emerson's Law of Contrariness | n | Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it. |
| Encyclopedia Salesmen | pl, n | Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac" |
| Endless Loop | n | See Loop, Endless -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary |
| English Gentleman | n | One who gets out of the bath to p*** in the sink. |
| Engram | n | 1. The physical manifestation of human memory -- "the engram." 2. A particular memory in physical form. [Usage note: this term is no longer in common use. Prior to Wilson and Magruder's historic discovery, the nature of the engram was a topic of intense speculation among neuroscientists, psychologists, and even computer scientists. In 1994 Professors M. R. Wilson and W. V. Magruder, both of Mount St. Coax University in Palo Alto, proved conclusively that the mammalian brain is hardwired to interpret a set of thirty seven genetically transmitted cooperating TECO macros. Human memory was shown to reside in 1 million Q-registers as Huffman coded uppercase-only ASCII strings. Interest in the engram has declined substantially since that time.] -- New Century Unabridged English Dictionary, 3rd edition, 2007 A.D. |
| enhance | v | To tamper with an image, usually to its detriment. |
| Entreprenuer | n | A high-rolling risk taker who would rather be a spectacular failure than a dismal success. |
| Envy | n | Wishing you'd been born with an unfair advantage, instead of having to try and acquire one. |
| Epperson's law | n | When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at. |
| Erogenous zone | n | The skin you touch to love. |
| eternity, n.: | The length of time between when you come and he leaves. | |
| Etymology | n | Some early etymological scholars came up with derivations that were hard for the public to believe. The term "etymology" was formed from the Latin "etus" ("eaten"), the root "mal" ("bad"), and "logy" ("study of"). It meant "the study of things that are hard to swallow." -- Mike Kellen |
| Every Horse has an Infinite Number of Legs (proof by intimidation) | Horses have an even number of legs. Behind they have two legs, and in front they have fore-legs. This makes six legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a horse. But the only number that is both even and odd is infinity. Therefore, horses have an infinite number of legs. Now to show this for the general case, suppose that somewhere, there is a horse that has a finite number of legs. But that is a horse of another color, and by the lemma ["All horses are the same color"], that does not exist. | |
| Every program has (at least) two purposes | the one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't. | |
| Expense Accounts | n | Corporate food stamps. |
| excitement | n | Two women plus one secret. See also bedlam, chaos and confusion |
| exotic dancer | n | A girl who brings home the bacon a strip at a time. |
| Experience | n | Something you don't get until just after you need it. -- Olivier |
| Expert | n | Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides. |
| Extract from Official Sweepstakes Rules | NO PURCHASE REQUIRED TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE To claim your prize without purchase, do the following: (a) Carefully cut out your computer-printed name and address from upper right hand corner of the Prize Claim Form. (b) Affix computer-printed name and address -- with glue or cellophane tape (no staples or paper clips) -- to a 3x5 inch index card. (c) Also cut out the "No" paragraph (lower left hand corner of Prize Claim Form) and affix it to the 3x5 card below your address label. (d) Then print on your 3x5 card, above your computer-printed name and address the words "CARTER & VAN PEEL SWEEPSTAKES" (Use all capital letters.) (e) Finally place 3x5 card (without bending) into a plain envelope [NOTE: do NOT use the the Official Prize Claim and CVP Perfume Reply Envelope or you may be disqualified], and mail to: CVP, Box 1320, Westbury, NY 11595. Print this address correctly. Comply with above instructions carefully and completely or you may be disqualified from receiving your prize. |
