The following events took place at the Butlins resort in Bognor Regis between Friday 7 May and Saturday 8 May 2004. No badgers were harmed in the making of this log.

Friday

• 1907 - Serephina, EV and fords arrive at the Lamb Inn in Bognor Regis to find 2legs, Genie, Reefgirl, Excelsior and 'some bloke'¹
• 1908 - Discussion about 2legs' pants ensues
• 1910 - fords complains about English bar prices
• 1932 - 2legs likes the smell of napalm in the morning
• 1935 - Serephina and fords have a fight
• 1940 - 2legs: "I told him to f**k off, but Creachy's alright"
• 1955 - "Is there a plot to split up the meet?"
• 1956 - Previous entry explained
• 2000 - Reefgirl found standing outside the gents, apparently waiting for 2legs
• 2002 - For the last year, Serephina said she'd snog fords if she stood on a box and pretended to be a pirate. After saying she doesn't usually snog random people, Serephina is surprised to find out fords' real name is Tracey
• 2011 - Serephina knocks first drink of the weekend over. Much swearing ensues
• 2011 - 2legs threatens to lick EV's trousers
• 2012 - 2legs sees dead people - and snogs them²
• 2016 - Burping competition starts between Serephina and 2legs
• 2040 - Genie and Northern Boy return from finding the chalets at Butlins, complaining they've 'busted their arses humping bags'
• 2043 - 2legs offers EV money, however it is unclear why
• 2045 - EV and fords can't remember Northern Boy's real name, having just been introduced. They decide to call him Bruce
• 2051 - Justin arrives. 2legs wets himself
• 2052 - 2legs realises he's wet himself
• 2055 - Justin arranges for 2legs to have Sex on the Beach
• 2100 - 2legs asks Northern Boy if he's an axe murderer. He replies only in his spare time
• 2106 - Serephina 'ho yus!'ed into submission
• 2114 - The group leaves the pub for Butlins
• 2200 - Whilst 'testing the bed', EV and fords invite Serephina (who was caught peeking round the door) for a threesome and are told to f**k off
• 2305 - Barry White did not sleep with Britney Spears
• 2319 - Genie has a blonde moment
• 2333 - fords licks her own elbow
• 2334 - 2legs tries to do the same
• 2334 and 30 seconds - 2legs licks his toes
• 2335 - Gives up due to smell
• 2347 - EV and fords: "Let's get pished again, like we did last summer...."
• 2356 - Reefgirl asks 2legs 'Who or what is Nighthoover?'. 2legs obliges

Saturday

• 0024 - fords describes the classic children's game 'Shite Alight'
• 0051 - Spillage: Serephina does it again
• 0055 - Further spillage. Guess who?
• 0108 - Everyone flagging apart from Serephina, who wants to go out
• 0120 - 2legs has gone; Serephina excited about Genie's drawers
• 0127 - David Bowie suggested as voice of Davros in new Dr Who series. EV's Bobby Davros joke ignored
• 0130 - Ellie: 'I don't care if my pants are showing'. 2legs not present
• 0155 - Genie mishears 'pig oinking' with filthy results
• 0200 - Genie asks Dmons to turn on her camera so she can take a photo of a drunken Serephina
• 0205 - No more vodka for Genie... something about ostrich feathers?
• 0211 - Genie tells all about spending a long time choosing her shop (not top!)
• 0214 - Serephina answers the door, however it's next door's door being knocked
• 0216 - Reefgirl opens the door in her nightie³. Genie gets down on her knees
• 0221 - Serephina asks for Genie Juice for breakfast
• 0230 - Genie admits to not washing for a year and a half
• 0230 - Genie realises she hasn't brought a whip with her
• 0239 - Genie: 'Why do these things keep popping out of my mouth?'
• 0320 - Genie: 'I will find a spanky stick'; Dmons: 'Your hand is fine'
• 0330 - Dmons and Genie last ones awake - hardcore!!
• 1200 - Bacon 'pieces' all round
• 1205 - First prize of the weekend goes to Serephina for being the clumsiest moo ever
• 1237 - Justin sets kitchen on fire
• 1241 - Serephina wants to lick EV's arse with cheesecake
• 1242 - fords cleans her ears out
• 1243 - 2legs suggests the group starts drinking again
• 1245 - The Badger song is totally mutilated
• 1246 - 2legs invents fire. Serephina explains to him he's holding his lighter the wrong way up
• 1307 - Various ways to dispose of celebrities in the name of entertainment discussed. Ideas include Celebrity Bomb Disposal, Real Life Celebrity Deathmatch and Celebrity Medical Testing
• 1317 - My Favourite Operations
• 1400 - Genie, Dmons and Ellie go back to bed while the rest of the gang go out for food
• 1400 to 1700 - The following takes place in the Sun and Moon pub:
  
  Reefgirl eats huge slice of chocolate cake then complains about it; Serephina is given a bib; Justin eats 1lb of cow pie; mickey taken out of wedding party (all six of them); fords gets forked by Serephina; EV opens wide for the 'big aeroplane'; fords gives Serephina her strapon back⁴
• 1720 - Back at the chalet, Serephina and fords play Stareout. Serephina insists blinking is in the rules
• 1721 - Strange mystery random woman invades chalet, claiming wrong room. 2legs not impressed
• 1730 - Justin makes vodka jelly and says it will be ready in four minutes
• 1745 - Vodka jelly still not ready. General disappointment and disillusionment
• 1746 - Nighthoover knocks on the front door and runs away
• 1756 - 2legs reveals the key to a balanced diet: a drink in each hand
• 1757 - Genie makes Genie Juice - Sex on the Beach
• 1758 - Reefgirl: 'It goes down really smooth'
• 1759 - EV is concerned about sand in his bits
• 1759 - Northern Boy more worried about pebbles
• 1835 - 2legs shows the group his thong
• 1839 - After being sprayed with glitter, 2legs lights a fag and explodes in a cascade of stars
• 1844 - Serephina manages to break a glass
• 1900 - Dmons finally surfaces
• 1906 - Lots of people drink Rolf Harris's urine... apparently!
• 1916 - Reefgirl gets the Jesus Award for feeding the 5,000. Well, 11 people
• 1929 - Ellie disappears with Dmons. Nudge nudge, wink wink, WSBO, say no more!
• 1932 - fords happy to drink anything except Guinness
• 1933 - EV and 2legs disappear together
• 1939 - Nighthoover's hairbrush found. World War 2 breaks out
• 1940 - 'Moon Unit! Your dinner's ready!'
• 1942 - fords to EV: 'Isn't it great to be Scottish and take the piss out of other people's accents?'
• 1942 - 2legs has a friend who is a secret ned
• 1953 - 2legs wants girl on girl action. Post-war depression blamed
• 1954 - 2legs has a feel of Ellie's 'bondage shoes'
• 2011 - EV: 'I've just been getting dressed'
• 2012 - Reefgirl invents the h2g2 Cocktail: vodka, peach schnapps, Southern Comfort and orange juice
• 2013 - Serephina: 'Don't ask why Tracey's covered in my lip gloss'
• 2030 - EV says he doesn't mind Serephina snogging fords, as long as he can watch. And take pictures. 2legs wishes Wumbie was here as there would be better pictures
• 2046 - Serephina is a 'geezer bird'. 2legs says all girls should sit with their legs open
• 2102 - You can get fellatio on the NHS, allegedly
• 2130 - Genie wants to know if Serephina and Justin are coming out. Northern Boy doesn't know but will contact a reliable source for information...
• 2155 - fords finally gets her way with Serephina. 2legs wants to know where his snog is
• 2156 - Genie takes Justin to bed - eventually!
• 2200 - Everyone heads out for Badger Inferno!

See Part 2 here

Photos by Genie
Photos by Archangel Dr Justin
Photos by Reefgirl

Deciphered by fords

13.05.04 Front Page

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