Bertie and the Beast

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A green and scary monster

Once again we are beholden to the current executors of the Knolly estate for letting us publish this, the second package of the great man's journals and memoirs.

Was it Spain or was it Sweden? Part 5

Sensing Elspeth's discomfort at having to eat a species of fish that was not to her taste, Charlotte kindly offered her own piece, which was politely refused by my darling.

'So Hobbes, John. Have you had time to start looking in depth at the diary? We need to make the most of out time whilst those others plainly have no knowledge of its existence and we also need to get Bertie to deliver the file back to the Admiralty. Hmmm ... And another thing ...'

Everybody turned in my direction and looked expectantly.

'These are very good chips.'

'Indeed,' replied Hobbes, noisily chewing a piece of crackling.

'Indeed what?' I asked. 'Indeed you have read the diary? Or indeed the chips are good?'

'Yes,' said Hobbes, who was clearly more interested in his food than he was answering my question.

'Hobbes! Would you please just tell me about the diary?'

'Oh! Right! Well, I haven't had much time, but it is fascinating ...'

Hobbes explained how he and Bertie had made pages of notes concerning the interpretation of the nursery rhyme during our telephone conversation, but were still uncertain as to its true intent. Merrick sat fascinated and requested a copy of the notes so that he might do his own research in his well-stocked library. And then Hobbes, after carefully wiping his hands and his moustache, picked up the journal and proceeded to riffle the pages, stopping at seemingly random pages and relating his thoughts in a most animated and enthusiastic manner. In one such example, Hobbes indicated the likelihood of extreme subterfuge where Monty had written:

'The official report and the newspapers state that it was a balloon ... I think not!... And it was in the service of the navy, intended to observe from on-high the enemies of this land. Poppycock!'

Poppycock indeed, I mused - no military Balloon Corps existed until much later as far as I was aware!

And on another page:

'And what of the poor unfortunates? The government report then states that the flash and thunderclap may be attributed to the accidental and catastrophic combustion of the most volatile substance that elevates and propels the balloon. The unfortunate pilot occupants, who - being stunned by the percussion of the blast and the ensuing fall to earth - were so disoriented that they knew not where they were, despite being of local origin. These parties were taken to the R sanatorium for their own safety. Pah!'

'I am certain that Monty is talking about a more advanced flying machine here,' said Hobbes confidently. 'One that has been heavily grounded.'

'And one that might have "danced over water and skipped over sea"?' asked Elspeth.

Hobbes applauded. 'Bravo, young lady!' he said. 'A potential link! Gold star to you.'

Elspeth blushed. I sighed. He then went on to explain that some of Monty's sketches and annotations described deep indentations that were arranged in a most precise geometric manner, and that these could have been caused by a massive object of some description.

Clearly, this was a document that could be read on several levels. But, once again, time was against us as Elspeth reminded me that we were on a schedule. At least the pending train journey north would afford us some time to properly gather notes and thoughts in a safe environment.

Elspeth and I left Charlotte in the charge of Merrick, who was under strict instructions to help her pack what she needed for the forthcoming journey. We caught a cab home via Mr Maxim's house - this was turning out to be a very long day - and driver was less then happy to be travelling south of the river at the time of day. He was also not too enamoured with the presence of the elephant gun; I hadn't the heart to tell him that we would be picking up additional weaponry along the way.

The traffic on the streets was reaching its zenith; I knew we should have left Merrick's earlier, but I kept my thoughts to myself. Elspeth had wanted to make sure that Charlotte was comfortable with what was going on, and thus it had taken a considerable time to get her message across and understood to the point both were happy. Conveying the twin notions of train travel and long journeys required took some doing. I think that Elspeth would have preferred to stay with Charlotte, but she knew that she had to oversee her own packing as well as mine.

There were too many options, too many theories whizzing around, and whilst I was not happy about leaving the diary with Merrick as that only had it in my possession for less than a day still, I was comfortable that it would be in good hands. Sitting in the cab as it weaved in and out of the late afternoon traffic Elspeth clasped my hand.

'The diary’s contents trouble you my dear?'

'Indeed they do, but I don’t have time to ponder over every page and nuance. That needs a more logical approach I’m afraid.'

She gave me a peck on the cheek and patted my hand. 'I’m sure that John and Hobbes will get to the bottom of it all.'

I sighed. 'Oh yes, I’m sure they will make every effort and if they cannot there are others who may assist ... For a price.'

'A price? What kind of price?'

I shook my head. 'Something I’d rather not contemplate at the moment. But enough of that for now. We need to look to how we intend to get Charlotte on board the Glasgow express with a minimum of fuss.'

'Knolly, you didn’t think that I'd be letting her on the train dressed as she was earlier, did you?'

'No not at all but ...'

'But what?' She raised a quizzical eyebrow and I knew I should have shut up there and then - but no - I blundered on in the way that all men seem to.

'Well, look. You're wearing that leotard beneath your current clothing, so it is patently very comfortable and you would most likely advise Charlotte to do the same. But what if an accident were to befall you? For example, a fall on the platform. People would see said leotard and who knows what kind of commotion that would cause.'

I thought that my answer was quite sound and sat back trying to keep any hint of smugness from my face. Elspeth drew herself up.

'I should hope that they would think "here is a woman with child who has fallen over, so let us help her up." They would not think "good heavens, what is that woman wearing beneath her skirts?" Though should there be any ladies present, they would no doubt note the practicality of the garment and as they helped me up would ask me where they could purchase similar.'

'Oh ... but, what if Charlotte should fall, hmm, how would she react?'

'Knolly, she has feline poise and balance. She is unlikely to fall.'

'Aha! But she fainted earlier, though, didn't she?' I wagged a finger, a grave mistake.

'That was an oversight on my part, and she was fine when we left, albeit a little light-headed. But forgive me, Knolly. Am I to assume that we will not be boarding together?'

'Correct, my current thinking is that you and Charlotte should board the normal express service. Bertie and I will join just outside of London with "The Train".'

Elspeth rolled her eyes. 'So you and Bertie intend to hold up the London to Glasgow express? And how pray do you hope to achieve this? I was not aware that this particular skill I was at the disposal of either of you.'

I smiled. 'Oh, I think we can get something to happen on the line to halt the express long enough for us to couple our carriages on to the rear, after which I shall come along and find you both and bring you back to the comfort of the comely Annie and Clarabelle.'

At the mention of two female names, Elspeth gave one of her stares.

'Annie and Clarabelle? Who are these fishwives? Friends of Bertie's no doubt?' she growled. I held the elephant gun tight.

'Oh! They are merely the carriages that form "The Train",' I replied merrily.

'The carriages have names?'

'Errr ... yes. Unfortunately ...' I muttered.

Elspeth sighed, shook her head in bewilderment and gathered her thoughts for a moment.

'I take it that you want me to collect Charlotte from John’s and get her to the train station?' she asked.

'Yes. You have done similar to date, and from what you told me, I can’t see you being held up in any traffic.'

I expected a hard stare or some cutting remark, but was greeted with a thoughtful silence.

'Very well. But I shall need to go shopping again,' she announced. 'I am sure that John won't even begin to understand what is required when packing for a young woman’s travelling needs.'

Um ... just how much were you thinking of taking with you then?'

'I don’t think that matters, does it? After all, we have Annie and Clarabelle at our disposal so I think we can take as much as we need. What do you think?'

I couldn’t come up with an answer quickly enough to counter this and so she continued.

'You and Bertie can take the trunks. Charlotte can take a bag with whatever she has at John's and I’ll take a Gladstone. That way at least we won’t look out of place on the platform.'

I stared out of the window as we crossed the Thames and headed back in the direction of home. I just had to say something.

'Elspeth! This isn’t some kind of fashion show, you know. It’s a mission. A dangerous mission, a really dangerous mission, and ... and ....'

Elspeth snuggled up to me and put her head on my shoulder. 'I know, and I’m very grateful that you are letting me come along, even though you need me to help with Charlotte.'

'True,' I mumbled.

'... and it doesn’t hurt to be properly dressed does it?'

'... s'pose not, no. But can we please limit the number of trunks?'

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