Conversation:

Alright, I'll start. My transport is an evil-type black moped (with lovely purple spots on the sides). This Scumoped (as I so wittily named it) is fitted with a metal casket for carrying bombs and other armaments, though I use it to carry chicken and salad sandwiches. It also has space for a thermos to carry my evil tea (courtesy of Fate Amenable to Change). It can fire Neopolitan ice-cream out of a tube just above the exhaust pipe for absolutely no reason whatsoever. It's also equipped with a large pipe near the headlights to fire gophers at people. For extra evilness, it's got retractable spikes on the hubcaps.
So, what are your wheels (and indeed the rest of your vehicles) like?

Okay, I have the DiscordiaManMobibleLowrider. It can go 15 times the spped of sound, has the biigest stereo system known to man, and the uncanny ability to attract women. It can do that Lowriding-Up-And-Down thing, and can fires random bits of mechanical stuff out of the tailpipe, because I haven't tuned it up in a while, and it is black. Also, it has the ability to shoot Lemon Dischordial out of a tube in the back, and can turn on a dime, or any other type of currency if need be.

Vestboy shimmies up to the starting line on his trusty faster than a skateboard. It's a virtual sort of machine which also has scratch and sniffology powered weapons system, turning plain, ordinary, everyday stains into useful gadgets for fighting evil. Powered with underpant elastic it can do 0-60 in about a week and a half(downhill). But I think speed won't be everything will it Racers?

((Hey, that sounds a lot like the Geo Metro I used to own!))

Vestboy flicks gobbet of earwax at Discordia Man.

Catch me if you can in my purple jet propelled inline skates - with go-faster stripes!

These custom made classics have a built in evil alert alarm which triggers off a variety of anti-evil gadgets such as - actually, I don’t think I’ll say right now. Wouldn’t want to spoil the element of surprise ...

Hey! That Metro lasted me 200,000 miles! (60 billion kilometers)

*sound of retrieval of gobbet of earwax and slight polishing of Discordia Man's forehead*
Thought you were being cheeky about my "faster than a skateboard." No harm done I hope.

I'm gonna be staying in Norwich at the end of next month - before a trip on the Broads - that should confuse the Americans.

Evil Giraffe drives up to the line in what looks like a run-of-the-mill everyday-type sports car ... yet far more menacing. The car fairly bristles with ordinariness, but the others are unable to look upon it as when they try their eyes slide right off of it. It is akin to visual Teflon. Weapons? Assuredly.

Bwaaaa-Haaaa-vrrrrmmmmm-vvvvvrrrrrrmmmmm!

Alright, we just need Fate, Loz, the Duke of Dunstable and probably lots of other people to describe their vehicles, and then we can start.

Due to my small size Ican race on a remote controlled car, *pause* powered *slightly shorter pause* by rockets (say that in a Jeremy Clarkson style and it sounds really good) it can go 16 times the speed of sound and has spinning hubcaps of mass destruction (plus child safe squashy bumpers and blunt plastic tipped ariels)
BWOARRHHH HAAAA HAA HAAA HYACK HYACK HYACK TEE HEEEHEEEHEEEEHEE

Ooops, Sorry Loz I just trod on your car. Pity.

Besides, I just tuned mine up, so it goes 17 times the speed of sound!Beat that, Tube-Rat!

While all the other contestants are busy revving their engines and waiting for any late entrants, Evil Giraffe screeches away from the start line, preparing to set up a whole host of traps for the others to fall foul of! =B>

I expect He'll eventually notice that I nailed his braces to the start post.

At the first corner Evil Giraffe nails the other end of his super-stretchy braces to the inside of the corner and then sets up a CCTV camara to catch all the pinball action as it happens. (There is no point in being evil if you can't see the outcome of your evil plots!)

Vestboy ties a custard and porcupine pie to the braces at the starting post and cuts them free.
*noise of custard/porcupine speeding towards Evil Giraffe*

While all this action takes place, Scumpit goes round the outside of all these plots and ends up on the road after Evil Giraffe's braces, just behind EG himself.
The Forces of Evil are winning!

Yahaha - SPLAT!




Who threw that custard and porcupine pie at me?

Discordia Man taps the gas pedal and shoots two miles ahead of Evil Giraffe.