Become a fan of h2g2
An Introduction...
Sergeant Mushroom's cupboard appears in many forums at her whim, but is still cloaked in mystery. Just how much junk does it actually contain1? Is there really a lost tribe of pygmies in there2? I've decided to write this entry just to clear things up a bit...
The Cupboard Itself...
The first common misconception is that the cupboard's entrance is housed in a battered wardrobe-type container. This is simply not the case. Evidence shows that, since it always appears flush to the nearest wall surface 3, it actually must be a in-the-wall type affair, with shelves and suchlike. Anyway, other reports show that the door itself is an innoffensive wooden material, with a brass type, slightly tarnished knob and hinges always on the left hand side. There is no special trick to open the door; indeed often upon arrival it will open itself automatically. But what about inside?
In The Depths...
Upon entering the cupboard the most immediate thing that would come to the onlooker's attention is the fact that it really isn't very cupboard-like at all. Indeed, space inside may be described as a dim, long corridoor (maybe even lit with an unexplained, eldrich light) with four musty, cobweb covered shelves lining each wall, extending into the distance. Not even the Sergeant knows what may be found on all these ancient shelves, though once she did discover a huge pile of socks that she thought her mother had lost in the wash. However, with the relative ease she finds exactly what she's looking for quickly and then is able to return to the right thread, perhaps only a fool would try to look around in here without her...
However, another fact that would become apparent if the onlooker was to actually attempt to walk down the aisle (and more fool him; who knows what could be down there) is that dispersed every hundred yards or so (yes, yes, I know that's imperial and I don't care
) down the sides, breaking up the continuous shelves are doors, alternating on either side as one travels down. These, quite evidently, lead into other forums. Who knows what havoc could break loose if the cupboard's secrets ever got into the wrong hands?
Author's Note
As and when I have time, this page will be updated. This will include more links to examples of the ways that the cupboard has been used in the past- suggestions for improvement and links would be helpful. Cheers