The Post Christmas Poetry Competition 2005

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The Post
Christmas Poetry Competition


First off, thanks to the six brave authors who submitted a poem and to all the readers who sent in a vote. All the poems are wonderful, but we are proud to announce the winner of the 2005 Christmas Poetry Competition...

smiley - hollysmiley - bubblysmiley - hollysmiley - bubblysmiley - holly

The Tale of The Fruitcake by

Wherein we hear a heart-warming (or possibly heartburn-inducing) story of generosity, miracles and baked goods, with some religious symbolism thrown in, and annotated for your reading pleasure. Plus a surfeit of smilies. (You can tell it's a good poem by all the smilies.) smiley - silly

It happened once upon a time —

We're really not sure when —

Someone baked a fruitcake smiley - bigeyes

And gave it to a friend.

* the author muses *

(Round was the cake and peaty brown,

Studded with fruit so red.

How could such a homely thing

Inspire universal dread?) smiley - huh

The friend received the dense, dark cake

With something like dismay, smiley - yikes

And thinking quickly, wrapped it up,

And gave the thing away.

This scene was soon repeated,

And repeated once again.

And thus was born 're-gifting'

Where one gift is suddenly ten.

* note: religious symbolism follows *

(As with the loaves and fishes smiley - fish

When many were fed by few,

A single fruitcake, multiplied,

Can feed the millions, too.)

Whenever someone got the cake,

They got rid of it tout de suite

Maybe adding nuts and spice smiley - drool

As an extra little treat.

Someone gave it a bit of icing,

Someone else a bit of brandy.

Occasionally an iconoclast

Snuck in a piece of candy. smiley - weird

One day the cake was given to

The monks of Santa Fe,

Who doused it with a fifth of rum smiley - drunk

And sent it on its way.

Throughout its varied travels

The fruitcake's legend grew.

It acquired many devotees

But many detractors, too. smiley - grr

* the humble fruitcake is caught up in the eternal drama of good vs evil *

Some said it makes the blind man see.

Some cursed its ghastly flavour. smiley - ill

Others swore the Wise Men gave

The cake to Mankind's Saviour.

Some call it The One True Cake.

Some say it metastasises.

Others claim it represents

The depths of man's devices. smiley - devil

* the author dispenses advice *

Should you receive a fruitcake, then,

Handle it with care!

It's volatile and flammable

But, still, do not despair: smiley - dontpanic

Mail it to a dearest friend

Or else an enemy, smiley - evilgrin

And pray you're not the victim of

More dried-fruit villainy!

* it wouldn't be a Christmas poem without a moral *

For in this Christmas story

Is a lesson to believe:

Especially with a fruitcake

'Tis best to give and not receive. smiley - angel

smiley - hollysmiley - bubblysmiley - hollysmiley - bubblysmiley - holly

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