Conversation:

Let me start by saying that I don’t personally have anything against left handed people. I have friends who are left handed. I even have some relatives who are left handed. When I say that being left handed is a choice and an incorrect even immoral one I say this only out of love and concern for these people.

Seeing my left handed friends and relatives struggle to fit into a right handed world has made me realize that their lives would be so much easier if they would just conform to the norms and learn to use their right hands.

Door knobs are all on the right side of the door. Why is that? It is because the natural even godly method of opening a door is to use one’s right hand. Spiral notebooks have the spiral part on the left side because the makers of notebooks know that since it is an abomination to write with the left hand the spiral being on the left side would render it unobtrusive to the normal healthy user of notebooks. I can’t even begin to describe the absolute horror that occurs when a left handed person has the audacity to attempt to write with a fountain pen. Oh the very mental image of that heretical hooked style they use to hold the pen gives me chills.

I know what you’re thinking; you’re thinking that there are specific types of sporting goods like say the left hander’s golf clubs or baseball gloves that are specifically designed for left handed people. I suppose you could also point to the invention of the spiral notebook with the spiral at the top of the page as examples of adaptations made to improve the lives of our left handed friends. Well clearly these inventions are all part of the left handed people’s agenda. We must keep our children away from these devices and their evil influences lest they grow up thinking that being left handed is completely normal.

So please everyone I urge you to closely watch your small children. If it looks like they are inclined to reach for toys with their left hand, slap them so they will learn that the use of the left hand equals pain. I may sound cruel but it is for their own good.

For older children and adults we must implement reeducation centers to teach them the correct way to function in our society. If they concentrate and this is key WANT to change, then I’m confident they will be able to overcome this perversion.

NO SE ZURDO

>>It is because the natural even godly method of opening a door is to use one’s right hand<<

I can't believe you are serious.

I won't watch where this thread will go within a few posts.

Goodbye

You're very wrong and even as a joke, this isn't particularly funny.

You need to do some research into left and right-handedness and the effects on the brain, not to mention the emotional state when forced to use the 'wrong' hand.

Maybe you were trying to be funny, maybe not, maybe you're actually victorian time-traveller, who knows?

Either way, I always wanted to be left-handed (But I'm not I also wanted corkscrew curly copper-red hair...), so to the Right!

can't wait for the kooks to blame me for this one.

When I was 8 I was given a left-handed guitar and lessons. On the first, the teacher said he couldn't teach me unless he strung it for the right; so he spent a good while restringing it, tuning it up and playing it a while before returning it to me and telling me to come back next week to start learning. Before I could make the next lesson, he died.

Taught me all I needed to know - to thine own self be true. I didn't pick up a guitar again for 10 years, but when I did, I made sure it was left-handed.

>>Door knobs are all on the right side of the door.<<

Surely that depends on whether you're entering or leaving.

Do you think I'm serious?

Do you think that Jonathan Swift really meant for the Irish to eat babies?

just wondering

What a load of tosh!

>we must implement reeducation centers to teach them the correct way to function in our society<

Who are you to say what is 'correct' or 'incorrect'? Difference does not mean abnormality.

Where would the world be without our differences?

I blame antigravitas for left handed people!

it is a sledgehammer subtle allegory for homosexuality.

I blame 2legs for antigravtias!

Apparently all Polar Bears are left handed but opening cupboard doors doesn't bother them.

Also I remember there is a specialist left handed shop in Covent Garden I think. It sells items like left handed scissors & tin openers etc.

See http://www.anythingleft-handed.co.uk/acatalog/

who cares. i won the door prize.

I think it's called 'satire', B.

Of course, many dextrous people are lured into the sin of sinistrality whenever they pick up a guitar. It's clearly not natural to expect the left hand to do such delicate fretting while the right has nothing to do but hold a plectrum. But it is possible to break away from the peer pressure that tempts our youth with fashionable 'beat' music, if only they can be persuaded to follow role models such as Paul McCartney, Jimi Hendrix, Richie Havens, Robert Fripp, BB King, Kurt Kobain...

There is a left handed shop in San Francisco. I only know this because I was dragged in there by my then boyfriend who was left handed. He went rather nuts on things I had honestly never thought about. Oh sure everyone knows that “they” can’t properly use scissors but the notebook thing had never occurred to me until then. He bought some kitchen stuff too like a can opener and a potato peeler. To prove his point he got me to try to use his horrid abomination of a can opener to open a can. It was maddening really.

Yea antigravitas you’re very smart. I thought it was be pretty obvious but I do sometimes operate on a slightly different plane than other people. I’d like to think this makes me eccentric but I fear it just makes me weird.

Oh, come on! Lighten up, guys.

Brilliant OP

I used to have a left handed tin opener, and potato peeler which is odd as I'm right handed, found them fairly easy to use the left handed designed items which made me wonder why left handed people don't find it simualrly easy to use the right handed versions... (I guess the person who lived in teh rented flat before us must have been left handed hence ht eleft handed impliments we had to use)
Door handles are not left or right, they're just plain evil, all door handles are an abomination and should be removed only once we live in a door handleless world can there be any chance of peas.

There are no left-handed or right-handed people. There is a continuum, with everyone sitting somewhere along it, some right in the middle. The balance is skewed to the right among people of European descent, IIRC.

But it's those ****s in the middle that rile me. They can do things with two hands that most people can only do with one! It's not natural. Witchcraft, I tell ya

I agree with the OP. I'm sick and tired of left-handers ramming their ideas down my throat! I can't believe there's a whole shop devoted to this vile filth. It's just a sign of how far society has fallen. No-one wants to have to look at that disgusting stuff.

I don't have anything against them, you understand, as long as they only ever use their right hands. Or refrain from using their hands at all.

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