Sanity FM

Sometimes I feel like I don't really exist, like people don't remember me except when they're in my presence. I'm not sure if this really means anything. I'm probably only writing this because I haven't had a cigarette for 2 days. Giving up? I wish. I think I know what I should do. I will go mad. Or perhaps I’ll just think about broccoli.

I feel lonely. Today would have been mum's 50th birthday. Where is everyone?

Today was pretty crazy. It was the day of my mother's funeral. That was a minus obviously, but it was nice to see all the family and stuff again. To balance that out once more, i may have just made the worst social mistake of my life. I won't bore you non existent folks with the details, but i will give you this warning. Pesemism is fine untill something good slips by you while you're too busy staring at the ground. No, it doesn't make much sense to me either.

Last week saw a massive change in my life.
At around quarter past midnight on Thursday the 25th of April (2002) my Mother was certified dead, she had died of an unforseen heart attack suddenly, in her home while speaking to my sister. I don't have to lie now that she's dead or exagerate about how good a person she was, she was a truly amazing person and my primary influence in every aspect of my life. I don't know how i will come to cope with this great loss, all i can comfort myself with is that as a family, she loved us all and we loved her. With time i'll have to deal with it, but i know a piece of her will always be inside of me, within my opinions, my manerisms, my eclectic musical tastes, everything. She's with Douglas Adams now...
ByebyeXXX

Today was the last day of term, so with any luck i'll actually start contributing to the guide rather then just hanging around for the free drink.
Something odd's going on. For the first time in weeks, absolutely no one seems to be online except me. I think there must be a great party out there which everyone else was invited to. Sod you all.