WELCOME TO MY PAGE
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MAYAN END-OF-WORLD CAROLS
Carol of the Solstice
This is the last solstice we ever shall see.
We hoped there'd be more, but our gods don't agree.
They sent us a drought, and it caused lots of pain,
And then we were conquered by armies from Spain.
Our temples of old in the sun brightly shone,
But now they lie hidden, by vines overgrown.
We learned a new language, embraced a new God,
Bought smartphones and ipods, and other things odd.
We're proud of our calendar. Long did it last.
It once showed the future. It now shows the past,
And when it runs out, it makes no sense to groan.
We hope that our conquerors make one of their own!
Thank you for visiting my space. :-)
I know I promised to give some apathy lessons, but I doubt that anyone would bother to come.
Top ten ways of knowing if an egg has gone bad:
10. You notice it selling drugs on the streetcorner.
9. It always seems to be leaning against Humpty Dumpty whenever he sits on walls.
8. It doesn't phone its mother. Heck, it doesn't even write.
7. It cheats the Easter Bunny every time the two play cards.
6. It refuses to come out of its shell when guests come to dinner.
5. It moons Faberge at every opportunity.
4. It refuses to go to any functions if the chicken will be there, because it wants to discourage speculation as to which came first.
3. It leads kitchen revolts on Egg Foo Yung Day.
2. It refuses to show up for the annual Easter Egg Roll.
1. It smells bad even if you cut off its nose
ODE TO A POTATO CHIP
Potato chip, thou noble slab of starch,
With freckles brown bedotted 'round an arch,
Granitic fat doth sparkle on thy rim,
To thee I dedicate this little hymn.
Some Philistines with ketchup thee would drench,
Or use thee for a spade to dig a trench
In Onion dip or salsa. Tis a bane!
For I prefer thee in thy state most plain.
Brass fanfare, followed by lush chords
from the string section, and an insistent
drumbeat. On the screen, stars are whizzing
past at Warp 11
Welcome to tonight's episode of "In Search
of Lost minds." In our last episode, the valiant
crew of the Czarship Roamin' Off rescued
Princess Anesthesia from a red star. Ratsputum,
the Czar's counselor, had suggested a tourniquet,
which Czar Nickelass mistakenly interpreted as a
tournament. So now the whole population of the
spaceship was playing bridge.
CZAR Nickelass: Okay, I bid hearts....
Scene: Notre Dame Cathedral. It is the 13th century,
or maybe the 15th century. Esmeralda has been quietly
hiding a humpback whale in the belltower for years,
but he is soon to be flushed from his hiding place.
His name is Quasimoby. Someday he will be known as the
Humpback of Notre Dame.
Impressive music weaving together the themes "Dit dat dittum,
dattum, wattum, choo!" and "Hi ho, hi ho, A Whaling we will go."
We now resume our normally silly programming :-)<BR/><BR/>Come on in.<BR/><BR/>Make yourself comfortable.<BR/><BR/>Have a drink. <BR/>Ignore the strange creatures that scurry for<BR/>the shadows as soon as you notice them out<BR/>of the corner of your eye. They're probably just<BR/>harmless carnivorous saber-toothed squirrels<BR/>that haven't eaten in a month or so. Nothing<BR/>we can't handle if we have major weapons at our<BR/>disposal. Not that I have any. I hope you<BR/>brought yours. :-)<BR/><BR/>Down this hall to the left, we have a nice modern<BR/>bathroom complete with shower. The cleaning<BR/>staff has done a very good job of removing the last<BR/>traces of blood from the shower stall. Even<BR/>Mrs. Bates couldn't tell anybody had been murdered<BR/>there. Wait, did I say murdered? Ha, ha, slip of<BR/>the tongue. I meant to say christened. The two<BR/>words are so much alike, it's easy to get them mixed up.<BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/>The dining room boasts an enormous chandelier.<BR/>It's a replica of a chandelier that Marie Antoinette<BR/>was very fond of before her head got cu... Oh,<BR/>there I go again, ha, ha! I meant to say before she<BR/>cut her little finger while cutting cake to give<BR/>to the poor, starving masses. Anyway, the dining<BR/>room is right over a major fault line, so in the<BR/>event that there's an earthquake, you won't want to<BR/>be under the chandelier. The guy who installed it<BR/>was a pastry chef who had never done any building<BR/>before. He was cheap, though, which was a good thing.<BR/><BR/>So, enjoy your stay at my page. If you need<BR/>anything, just yell...<BR/><BR/>WELCOME TO THE POSTMODERNIST SMILEY ART GALLERY<BR/><BR/>I call this one "Meaningless Random Smiley Cluster"<BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/>This may not answer your questions about me, but....<BR/><BR/>Who is Paul H. and Why is he Harmly Mostless?<BR/><BR/>If you are visiting my space for the first time,<BR/>welcome! You will probably never get to meet me<BR/>in person. You might not even want to :-). I am<BR/>5'4" tall, with a bushy moustache and thick (some<BR/>would say unruly)grey hair. We won't discuss my<BR/>weight ;-). I have a penchant for collecting things:<BR/>birthdays (I've accumulated 53 of them so far), music<BR/>recordings (mostly classical and musical theater),<BR/>funny songs, dinnerware patterns, pumpkins, recipes,<BR/>and clutter. My house is expected to sink into the<BR/>swamp any minute now. <BR/><BR/>I work at the reference desk in a public library<BR/>south of Boston, Massachusetts. This means that I <BR/>have accumulated thousands of odd facts over the <BR/>years, which I insert into many of the discussion <BR/>threads that I participate in. It's lucky that the<BR/>only kind of tomatoes anyone can throw at me are the<BR/>virtual kind. :-)<BR/><BR/>Come back often, as I make changes to my site<BR/>fairly often. <BR/><BR/>HOW TO SPELL MY NAME WITH SMILEYS<BR/><BR/> = P<BR/> = A<BR/> = U<BR/> = L<BR/><BR/> = H<BR/><BR/>:-) Honorary Patron Saint of Ragtime Vogon Poetry<BR/><BR/>:-) Link to H2G2 Musehome:<BR/><LINK HREF="http://h2g2.com/h2g2/guide/A420661" >http://h2g2.com/h2g2/guide/A420661">http://h2g2.com/h2g2/guide/A420661</LINK><BR/><BR/>" >http://h2g2.com/h2g2/guide/A420661</LINK><BR/><BR/>:-)Link to H2G2 statistics:<BR/><BR/><LINK HREF="http://h2g2.com/h2g2/guide/info" >http://h2g2.com/h2g2/guide/info">http://h2g2.com/h2g2/guide/info</LINK>" >http://h2g2.com/h2g2/guide/info</LINK>? <BR/><BR/><BR/>
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Name: paulh. I'm a fool, but please think of me as a jester
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