Conversation:

Ever wonder if you really were dead? How would you know? It’s one possible explanation for the here and now. Yesterday never was and tomorrow will never be. All eternity taking steps half as large as the one before. Always moving forward and never reaching anywhere. Like a mobius strip turning on itself. Maybe I did die last May. How would I know?

Still waiting on hearing from the neurosurgeon. Problem is – I’m not sure what I wan to hear. It’s nothing means the hamster get to keep turning the wheel – never getting anywhere. It’s something has much more interesting options. When there’s no more room to grow, will my head pop like a ripe watermelon or will my brain, such that is, implode? Whoosh. Growing smaller until there is nothing at all.

But I have to get through the MRI of my knee first. Gong to do it ‘cold turkey'- no drugs. This is from someone who has trouble shutting the bathroom door. Btu it doesn’t make any difference if I’m dead. I can scream all I want. No one will hear me. No one does hear me. I used to think it mattered. Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Oops, wrong rabbit. He’s not six feet tall nor is he white and running off to have tea with the queen.

Hi Richenda

we have big differences of opinion and don't really get on, but it doesn't stop me from wishing you weren't going through this. So please accept best wishes from someone who does care.