The World of Rita Cummings
Created | Updated Apr 11, 2010
Welcome to the world of Rita Cummings, 87, spinster of the Parish of Speele.
Rita is a busy woman even in her declining years. She keeps many animals; three dogs, two cats a goldfish and a small tortoise. All of them live in her expansive back garden where they have been, at various points over the last twenty years, buried. Rita began to keep animals after her retirement at the age of sixty seven from the post office where she worked sorting letters. She tends their graves on a daily basis although she never specifically marked the burial spots and can no longer remember correctly where any of them are.
Rita's morning begins when she rises at six and makes herself a cup of tea which she forgets about. She has recently purchased a device which she has had installed which enables her to have a bath every morning without fear of being unable to get herself out when she has finished. Having cleaned, dressed and, on good days, dried herself, Rita goes downstairs and sorts her post. Rita has spent thirty years working in the post office where she had got in to the habit of arranging letters, parcels and extraneous deliveries by postcode, then street, then, finally, by house. Rita still employs this rigorous method of organising all her own post and can end up with as many as five piles. Rita still gets plenty of post, both junk mail and genuine correspondance, including weekly update letters from her cousin Maude, who lives over the road and finds life increasingly confusing. Rita has received three letters from Maude informing her of her own death, by various means at least one of which, Rita's doctor has assured her, was not medically possible. In 1987 Maude sent her cousin a missive advising her of the news of air raids she had read about in the local paper and a leaflet for a gas mask she felt would prove invaluable.
Rita has been an active member of the friends of Bartlestowe District Hospital since it's closure in 1976. The charity has raised £500,000 towards the new haemeotology wing and Rita was guest of honour at its inaugural closure last year. The fund is now raising money towards the purchase of a new kiln for the pottery wing of the Hospital.
Having dressed and forgotten her morning tea, Rita is generally inclined to have her breakfast - always two slices of medium white bread, lightly toasted1 with thin sliced orange marmalade. Rita has a jar of honey that was given to her by her great-nephew for her 85th birthday that she occasionally chooses when the mood takes her.
With her breakfast completed and washed up, Rita begins her letter writing in earnest. She will start with a letter to The Times to complain that the letter she sent them last week was not printed. The letter she sent last week was a letter complaining that the letter she sent the week before was not printed. This process has been going on since she sent a letter to The Times in 1967, of which she can no longer remember the content. To date3 she has sent 2028 letters to The Times. They printed her weekly complaint letter (she had not been printed the previous week) in 1993 but the newsagent in Speele had been shut that week due to the owner being on holiday, so she didn't get the paper. She complained anyway.
Rita has many other letters to write, not all of which are complaints. She has written to the BBC, telling them about a programme she saw advertised on ITV and congratulating them for having the good sense not to make it4. She also corresponds regularly with several old friends and the husband of a pen friend from Australia who passed away several years previously. She sends periodic update letters to various relatives, informing them of the progress she has made with her Times correspondance and warning them of weather patterns she believes may be moving in their direction.
Rita spends most of her day writing, interrupting herself only to have lunch and to answer the phone, which she allows herself to do twice. For her lunch she generally has a ham or a tuna sandwich. In the winter she will often have beans or cheese on toast. She was once given some fresh mushrooms by her neighbour, but complained to Maude that she found them 'entirely unsuitable material for sandwhich making'. On Thursday afternoons Rita will do her weekly shop. She will generally cycle into town around one o'clock, although she tends to leave half an hour later if she travels on her roller blades.
In the late afternoon Rita occasionally visits friends in town. Sometimes she has visits from her friends, on which occasion she will prepare a pot of tea and bake a cake. Finding cups enough for more than one guest will often require a journey around the house to empty as many as five cups of tea that Rita has forgotten about during the course of the day. On Sundays she often receives family.
At six o'clock Rita will prepare and then eat her evening meal, often a piece of meat such a beef or ham, with potatoes and seasonal vegetables. Rita's age means she finds cooking on her stove increasingly difficult and she is, therefore, making use of her brand new microwave oven. With her latest technological inovation, Rita has been able to sample exotic taste alternatives such as Lasagne, Chicken Curry and Sweet 'n' Sour Chicken. At seven Rita will listen to the radio and read her book. At 8 o'clock, finding increasingly that ten hours of sleep are necessary to sustain her throughout a busy day, Rita will retire to her bed for a good night's sleep.
Rita and her supporters firmly believe that she has all the right qualities to bring a fresh and innovative approach the the Speele Parish Council. If you agree with them, and feel that Rita is able to bring about the kind of change you want, please, Vote Rita Cummings.
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