You Made Me Do It!
Created | Updated Jul 11, 2003
This was written as a response to a cry for advice written by someone in an abusive relationship. It rings true for all those who have been subjected to these kind of attacks and mind games by spouses, boyfriends or girlfriends.
'You made me do it.'
The mating call of the abusive man (or woman). It leaves you wondering what you will make him do next time, and how. Somehow, it seems to get a little worse each time you make him do it. But you love him, and you know that he really loves you. You wish that you could be a better person, and not make him hurt you, and you're really trying.
Besides, he feels so bad afterwards. He's really sorry and he's going to change. He doesn't want to hurt you. He knows that you're the best thing that ever happened to him. It's just that you make him so angry sometimes, he has to strike out.
You resolve not to ever make him hit you again. One by one, you drop your friends. He's the most important part of your life, right? Your friends will understand if you don't have as much time for them.
You start seeing your family less, too. After all, he's your family now. You're making a family of your own. It takes time to do that. A lot of time. It's not easy to arrange your life around trying not to get hit by the man you love. You'd think that your family would understand. Didn't they do the same thing when they started building their own families? But they don't understand. They keep on wanting to see more of you, and saying how worried they are about you.
That's why it's important not to let them see the bruises, not to visit before the black eye has healed. They don't understand, and they'd make a big deal out of it. It's not like he's ever broken any bones, or sent you to the hospital. Yet.
He'll change. Just as soon as you learn how not to make him hurt you. You're learning. Every time you discover a new thing that makes him angry, you know another thing not to ever do again.
Besides, you love him, and you know that he loves you. And where would you go, anyhow? And what about your stuff? You can't just leave. You don't have any friends any more, really.
Your life is dedicated to not making him angry, not making him do anything he'll feel bad about later. You're terrified of his anger. He could kill you. But you love him, and you know that he really loves you.
You've learned that you'll never be good enough, you'll never stop making him angry. Now you're just afraid. And you've got nowhere to go. You don't dare tell anyone. If you do, you know what he'll do next. Your life is dedicated to making it through one full day without getting hurt.
Then it gets worse...
