How well do you know your English monarchs?

I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical…
WS Gilbert

It used to be, kids had to memorise all these kings in school – at least, in the UK. Unfortunately, they left out all the juicy tidbits. That made it boring for the students. Today, of course, we've got the movies, and the BBC, and the good old internet. So we know who did what, with what, and to whom. We're sure the gossip approach makes today's history lessons much more inviting. Besides, who can resist? 'Queen Elizabeth I.' 'Oh, yeah, Judy Dench, Glenda Jackson, or Quentin Crisp?'

How did your historical knowledge stack up? Check your answers below.

1. This queen trashed Roman Colchester, but don't call her a Vandal. She was an Iceni. Boudicca. The Romans didn't know what hit them when this redhead got started.
2. He told those Vikings to stay on their side of the line, up in Yorkshire. Alfred the Great. He was into shipbuilding, too, with a little help from the Frisians.
3. He fell in mortal combat with that Norman So-and-So, William. It all happened at Hastings. You mean you've forgotten poor Harold the Good? Shame on you. His gf, Edith Swanneck, was inconsolable.
4. Not England's only gay king, but the one who suffered most for his sexual orientation. Marlowe wrote a play about him. You remember Edward II, surely.
5. Was he a villain or a good guy? Controversy rages about this king whose grave was discovered under a car park. Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by archaeologists wielding backhoes. Three cheers for Richard III, the last Plantagenet.
6. The Car Park King's successor. We suspect he was into historical revisionism. We can't think of anything good to say about Henry VII, the Tudor menace. So we won't.
7. Defender of the Faith? Well, depends on who you talk to. This king rewrote religion, and was into serial monogamy, big-time. He had six wives, and beheaded two of them. Not personally, mind you. We understand that Henry VIII sent to France for an executioner with a very sharp sword, so poor Anne Boleyn wouldn't have to suffer.
8. She was only queen for about a week and a half, poor thing. Then she lost her head. Alas for Lady Jane Grey. But didn't Helena Bonham Carter play her magnificently?
9. This king was into agriculture. In fact, his people called 'Farmer…'. But that would be telling. He spoke German a lot, too, did Farmer George, aka George III. This otherwise kindly monarch had serious mental health issues, and got a lot of unfortunate press in the Colonies.
10. In the 1930s, this king quit. He went off to live on the Continent. A shocking choice, but he preferred Mrs Simpson's company to that of Winston Churchill. Could you blame him? Edward VIII was a bit of a playboy, we understand. He abdicated in style.

Now, there are several things you can do with this knowledge. One, you can preen among your less well-informed friends. You can point them to this quiz, and crow when they get it wrong. You can also use it as a movie list for a rainy day. 'Say, do I want to watch the one where Helena Bonham Carter gets her head cut off (again), or do I want to see Sean Bean revolt against Ray Winstone?

Isn't history fun?

Dmitri Gheorgheni

03.02.14 Front Page

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