The Post Quiz: Epic Bible Cinema

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A challenge for Bible scholars and cineastes everywhere.

The Post Quiz: Epic Bible Cinema

A wax figure of Charlton Heston as Moses at Madame Tussauds in Hollywood, California.

Also called 'sandal epics', Bible movies are great fun. If you're a scholar, you get to make mock of the history. If you're a cineaste, you get to laugh at the cheesy dialogue and point derisively to the actors in skirts. If you're pious or patriotic, you get to express outrage at the film director's thematic choices. It's a win/win/win scenario.

These big-budget 'pic-tchahs' make megabucks, usually. (Sorry, Mr Scott.) And headlines. Match these made-up headlines to the relevant sandal epic.

HeadlineFilm
  1. PAUL NEWMAN APOLOGISES PUBLICLY FOR ROLE
  2. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG UNCOVERS FILM PROPS
  3. HOMOEROTIC SUBTEXT DISTURBS ACTOR
  4. JOAN COLLINS VAMPS DONNY OSMOND
  5. VICTOR MATURE WRESTLES LION SKIN
  6. WATCH OUT FOR SODOMITE PATROLS!
  7. RITA HAYWORTH, SEVEN VEILS
  8. RICHARD GERE'S MOST EMBARRASSING FILM
  9. JOAN COLLINS VAMPS AHASUERUS
  10. JOHN WAYNE KILLS JESUS
  • The Ten Commandments (Silent)
  • King David
  • The Greatest Story Ever Told
  • Samson and Delilah
  • The Silver Chalice
  • Salome
  • Ester e il re (Esther and the King)
  • Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
  • Ben Hur
  • Sodom and Gomorrah

You knew all these, right? If you're not sure, click the picture to get the answers.

Details from a stained glass window at Notre Dame in Paris.
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Dmitri Gheorgheni

19.01.15 Front Page

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