Tips for camping safari¹ goers. Most of these were learnt from a safari guide & driver called Adam ². They were told around the campfire, in the form of stories designed to leave the listener lying rigid with fear & unable to sleep.

Adam's tips (all true stories) ³

• 
  All they found in the morning were his boots:
  There was one client ⁴ of Adam's who was keen on astronomy. The stars are very clear at the Ngorongoro crater. That evening when everyone went to their tents he was gazing up into the night sky. In the morning his tent was open, his binoculars lay by his camp stool, but he wasn't there. Later in the day wardens reported a pair of boots found, ...down on the plain, ...on the crater floor.
  
  Tip. Don't wander off on you own, particularly in the dark. In fact stay in your tent at night, (even if this means keeping an empty disposable container handy ⁵ ).




• All they found in the morning were his glasses:
  A man was walking in the Serengeti conservation area, at night, going home to his village. He was late, it was dark and he was uneasy about the eyes he could see occasionally. They glowed in the bush behind him. The number of pairs of eyes grew,...to six, so when he saw another set of eyes, ahead, but at human eye level he was very relieved.
  Until he saw the bank at the side of the road, ....and the hyaena poised on top of it.
  
  Tip: Don't take liberties with hyaenas around. (Count them, seven is time to start worrying.) ⁶
  
  


• All they found in the morning were his glasses & his boots:
  
  The local doctor was going home after a party. He was very tired. As he walked his arms hung limp, loose by his sides, and his head drooped.
  He never reached home. All they found in the morning were his boots and his glasses.
  
  Tip: Stay alert. (Keep your arms swinging. Predators pick the weak and the lame. To a predator loose limbs are a sure sign of a sick animal.)



• The one who survived:
  After an evening of Adam's stories,one client refused to sleep alone. He insisted on sharing Adam's tent. It can be quite chilly at night, up on the rim of the crater. He zipped his sleeping bag up to his neck.
  Lions nearby set off after a buffalo. In the dark it ran straight into the campsite, entangling its horns in guyropes. Adam's tent guy ropes. It dragged the tent across the clearing before disentangling itself and disappearing, leaving two lions staring at a heaving heap of canvas.
  
  Adam, who never zips his bag, got himself clear and started yelling. The rest of the campsite woke up and joined in. By the time the client got himself out the lions had taken themselves off, they don't like unfamiliar noises.
  
  Tip: Don't zip your sleeping bag on safari, you may need to get out in a hurry.
  
  Extra tip: Remember the unfamiliar noises thing.

Unembroidered Tips

Adam didn't have stories for these ones.

• Keep your tent zipped up.In the evening, when it cools down, a still warm tent and sleeping bag is an attractive place for snakes.



• Never leave food in the tent.Unless you want a close encounter with the yellow fangs of an Olive Baboon.



• NEVER feed the animals. ⁷ Think what an elephant will do to get a few green leaves from the top of a tree. Now think what it might do if it has reason to suspect there might be bananas in your landrover.

And...

• The Tallest Story: The lion moats.
  Returning from a gamedrive it was found that the cook had carefully dug 10cm deep moats around each of the tents. That morning a lion had upset all the cooks, the only people in the camp at the time, by sauntering through the middle of the site. Adam said the moats were because lions, (well known for their laziness), on coming on a dip in the ground will follow it rather than climb out of it. Therefore, on coming to the moat round your tent they follow it round the tent, instead of going straight through.
  
  Tip: if you're more worried about lions than about what the rest of the campsite might think of you, give moats some consideration.



• The tip he didn't tell: The Black Kites of Ngorongoro...
  ...on the other hand why spoil the fun ? Find out for yourself.



• Boring but necessary:
  These are obvious but there are safari 'clients' who don't expect this:
  
  
  - Be pepared for life to be basic.No electricity, no phone, sometimes only the water you take with you.The loo is a 'Long Drop', a hole in the ground. The shower may be a bucket, if you have water to spare.
  
  
  - Campsites are not fenced, anything can, and does, wander across them.
  
  
  - Emergency and breakdown services can be 24 hours away or more.

Places like the National Parks in Tanzania are incredible, well worth the effort to see. But man is the alien there, these places are not manmade
⁸.
They follow their own rules not ours. If you get eaten its because you made yourself into an available snack, not because of anything evil or even ill intentioned. Just respect their rules. Be careful.