Small Screen Surfin'
Created | Updated Oct 4, 2003
No introductions this weeks as I'm doing my bit to help shazz's one-woman job by keeping this week's rant short...
Surf's up for a rant about history programmes...
Now I love history. I love seeing where we came from and where we, theoretically, should be going, but I do feel that, visually, history programmes are supremely dull.
Basically we have, in the case of most historical documentaries, an archeologist or historian walking around in a field where some battle took place umpteen years ago. Then the camera changes to a 're-creation' of the battle in question: hands holding axes or spears, or a group of a small number at a distance, looking like they're at war - at least that's what you can tell from those little black dots...
On the other hand we have the documentaries that are recent - people who are still alive to tell you what happened, usually World War Two or Nazi Germany. The latter you can find in the UK, on Channel Five who put out a load of trollop about Hitler's best friends or Hitler's henchmen or Hitler's bubble bath, and seem to think this is classy. You'll find these before a 9:00 movie just after numerous programmes about autopsies and murders.
Now I can't complain about the WWII stuff. It would be wrong and disrespectful as you can't complain about a programme that asks those who were there and show clips from it. But the Roman, Viking etc. I can question.
When, say, Simon Schama is presenting his shows - as interesting and informative as the telling is - looking at something which is supposed to take you back to see how 'it' was, is pathetic.
Now, for example, they show a programme on William I. We'll be told of the backstabbing and treachery he and his men encountered and felt in their pursuit of the throne. Great, but they'll SHOW paintings... tapestries... and the best ones: Professors of Archeology looking like they're being interviewed.
Walking with Dinosaurs had the right idea. The whole show was based on how they think dinosaurs lived, and the whole programme had computer-generated reptiles stomping around, attacking other dinosaurs while a narrator told you what was happening in a story way. Great.
'The X-osaur would sneak up on it's prey and, when close enough, would chase it down'...
and at the same time THAT is happening on the screen. Just like a nature documentary.
Why not the same for Romans and Eygptians? Show Pharoh Maydupna'am planning to poison Naughty Usurper. Not a picture of what they think a bottle of poison would look like that an Egyptian king would use!
There finished... hopefully nice and short!
