A quirky look at wildlife. To be taken with a pinch of salt, but with more than a grain of truth!

Hi, All! I hear you bin keeping your eye on me and my family for the last sixteen months, well, except for when we wuz down under - that's under ground not some place they call Australia! My name's Boss Man by the way, and I am the boss, be sure of that.

I've been livin' hereabouts for quite a few years now though 'not many people know that'. I discovered McWebbie's Bistro in 2005 - August 4th I think it were. 'Tis a Diner during the day so I understand. I know it were bloomin' hot and dry and we couldn't get no worms. I'd been trying out the gardens along the railway bank to see if there was any food going beggin' and found this stone table with sunflower seeds on and the like. Least, I think that's what they were. Can't say I was fussed - it was food!

4.15am it was, or so my body clock tells me. McWebbie clapped eyes on me and nearly dropped her cup?! Well, since I got lucky I thought I would give it a go the next night. I found a trail of peanuts this time then this 'ere dish - funny thing it was, metal I guess, with a brick on top. I listened, and I sniffed, and it seemed ok so I shoved the lid off, and lordy, lordy, it were full of peanuts and raisins and a honey sandwich. All my Christmases came at once.

Now being a good law abiding badger I had to think about telling the rest of the tribe what I had found. Yeah, well what they don't know won't hurt them and they will find out soon enough. Hum!! It were some time before the Missis found out and Boy did I get a rollickin' for keeping all that food to myself. Mrs B started following me around (she hasn't done that since we were courtin') and she said she was coming with me one night to make sure I wasn't up to any tricks! As if?

August 22nd 2005 she finally caught up with me and came in to McWebbie's Bistro to eat with me. That was a real turn up for the book, we usually do our own thing of an evening. That darned fox was hanging about again - ain't he got no friends of his own? Oh, and there were cats there too. Soon saw them off.

Uh Oh! - 'Hello Dear, come to be introduced to the nice humans have we? Yes, I know they are not all nice but these seem ok.' This is Mrs B folks. She ain't bad for a woman. Gets in the family way when required. We had a young 'un March 2005, name of Missie. Her first visits to the Bistro were a bit sneaky, but she soon got the hang of it. Bit of a housewife in the making if you ask me, she be clearing up after me all the time - drives me nuts! Occasionally we all seem to turn up at the Bistro at once which caused a bit of a kafuffle but Missie cleaned up before we left.

McWebbie fed us all well, with table and dishes, till we hibernated in the middle of December when it got too darned cold. I wondered if the Bistro would still be open when we came back in March 2006. Checked the Diner out once during the winter and she's still feeding the day shift - birds, squirrels and the like. Middle of March 2006 Mrs B had another young' un - name of Speedy, on account of he dashes everywhere. Right pain he can be an' all. I checked out the Bistro. Not a lot there, so I tipped the table over and dug a few small holes - my 'calling card', like. Next night, there it was. Same place, same dish, and another one! Posh this, all shiny and deep, holds a lot too. That's mine! Anyone else touches it and they're for the high jump I telled 'em.

'Missie, for goodness sake stop tidying up while I'm trying to write this. Yes, I know there's a pile of screwed up paper on the floor - I b'aint used to this scribbling lark. Stop whickering, woman!'
'Speedy, for goodness sake stop racing round you'll mess up my notes!' Now, where was I? Oh, yes, after discovering the new dish Mrs B took to eating from the shallow dish on the lawn, I had the posh dish, and Missie took over the table. Right dance she made of it too. Reckon, she'll be on 'Strictly Come Dancing' when she be older¹.

When worms were plentiful we didn't quite know what to do about McWebbie's food. Speedy was well in to it, and getting lazy about worming so I laid down the law and said one of us must take a gander every night and eat some, to keep the supply going just in case it got hot and dry again which of course it did. There was a bit of a bust up over who should check, but somebody had to do it and o' course I won!. Tee Hee!

The food was different every night, some stuff we knew, some was strange, but it sure was tasty. The sarnies got better too. There was drink on hand at the 'bar' too. I think McWebbie got the message that I like me sandwich. I call it a sarnie, but you might not know what that is? Anyways up, we've done well this year and put on plenty of weight for the winter, leastways I have, the Missus says! We had a bit of bother with them railway people messing with our sett in the Summer, but things seem to have settled down again now. Trouble is the darned fox, and even the cats have been pinchin' our grub. McWebbie puts a thingy on to frighten them off in the daytime, and sometimes she forgets to switch it off. Them there big red eyes give I the heebie jeebies glaring at me in the dark! Can't figure out how McWebbie always knows when we are about. I get this feeling that we are being watched but I ain't caught her at it yet!

Anyhow, I just thought I would let you know we appreciate your interest, and the food too. We be keeping clear of farmers and men with spades, so likely we shall be back in the Spring. Might even have another young 'un if the mood takes me. 'Oh, go on Missis, you know you want another one.' Oh, Hmm! What have I said now? She's huffed off!

We'll be off down under soon, 'No, Speedy - we are NOT going to Australia for the holidays!', so I'll just wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Hope it don't get too cold for you. If it does, drop by the sett for a snifter. It will be nice and warm and I expect someone will wake up to greet you!! Ta Ra till next year.
Boss Man.

PS: If you haven't been following me and me Badger family you can find us in this thread

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