The Blair Witch Project
Created | Updated Oct 20, 2010
<i>“In November 1999 a young reviewer went into Lancaster cinema to see “The Blair Witch Project”. All that was found was this review.”</i><BR/>
Don’t believe the hype – it’s not the scariest film ever, it’s not the scariest film of the year, hell it’s not even the scariest film I’ve seen today, (The Sound of Music was on telly this morning – look out, Nuns!).<BR/>
Three young filmmakers go to a small American town to make a documentary about its local myth. After hearing testimony from “Mad Mary” and other “slightly miffed” locals about the terrible goings on in the woods, off they trot for a camping weekend.<BR/>
From this point in it just becomes a film about people getting lost, which was funny to start with, then became dull, then after another hour became “oh just hurry up and die” dull. <BR/>
They loose the map, nerves fray, tensions rise and they wake up one morning suffering from piles – piles of rocks that is. But not just any old rocks, oh no, these are scary rocks, because they’re in piles, y’see scary stuff. They follow this with some scary sticks and some scary nighttime noises – noises in a wood, who’d have thought it!<BR/>
Then the cameraman disappears during the middle of the night; this revelation is promptly followed by the remaining two getting lost. Next morning instead of rocks a more unpleasant present is left outside the tent. I won’t go into details, suffice it to say how is he going to pick his nose now?<BR/>
In the last twenty seconds they find a house and finally stop being lost – because they’re too busy being killed, and you think “good”.<BR/>
The young actors couldn’t even act, (which I suppose just makes them “young”), though they did do a good “scared in the woods” but that be because they were. I think the idea is you visit <a href="http://www.blairwitch.com" target="new">the web-site,</a> where you'll find police reports, interviews with "the family" and a history of the Blair Witch myth, and you’re supposed to go into the cinema thinking all this is for real.<BR/>
So not a scary film – unless you’re particularly scared of lost people. In which case you should go to the Lake District on a Sunday, the place is full of them.<BR/>
I would like to apologise to the actors’ mums, the directors’ mums and to my mum. I take full responsibility for this review, it’s all my fault. I’m sorry. Shhhhh! What was that? Arrgggghhhhh!!!…
<p>
Don’t believe the hype – it’s not the scariest film ever, it’s not the scariest film of the year, hell it’s not even the scariest film I’ve seen today, (The Sound of Music was on telly this morning – look out, Nuns!).<BR/>
Three young filmmakers go to a small American town to make a documentary about its local myth. After hearing testimony from “Mad Mary” and other “slightly miffed” locals about the terrible goings on in the woods, off they trot for a camping weekend.<BR/>
From this point in it just becomes a film about people getting lost, which was funny to start with, then became dull, then after another hour became “oh just hurry up and die” dull. <BR/>
They loose the map, nerves fray, tensions rise and they wake up one morning suffering from piles – piles of rocks that is. But not just any old rocks, oh no, these are scary rocks, because they’re in piles, y’see scary stuff. They follow this with some scary sticks and some scary nighttime noises – noises in a wood, who’d have thought it!<BR/>
Then the cameraman disappears during the middle of the night; this revelation is promptly followed by the remaining two getting lost. Next morning instead of rocks a more unpleasant present is left outside the tent. I won’t go into details, suffice it to say how is he going to pick his nose now?<BR/>
In the last twenty seconds they find a house and finally stop being lost – because they’re too busy being killed, and you think “good”.<BR/>
The young actors couldn’t even act, (which I suppose just makes them “young”), though they did do a good “scared in the woods” but that be because they were. I think the idea is you visit <a href="http://www.blairwitch.com" target="new">the web-site,</a> where you'll find police reports, interviews with "the family" and a history of the Blair Witch myth, and you’re supposed to go into the cinema thinking all this is for real.<BR/>
So not a scary film – unless you’re particularly scared of lost people. In which case you should go to the Lake District on a Sunday, the place is full of them.<BR/>
I would like to apologise to the actors’ mums, the directors’ mums and to my mum. I take full responsibility for this review, it’s all my fault. I’m sorry. Shhhhh! What was that? Arrgggghhhhh!!!…
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