So, why were things better in the old days Grandad?

Well, we had warm beer and village cricket

(straight bat on a sticky wicket)

Fish suppers and good muckers

And two bob for a matinée ticket

Yeah but what about the world war

- and then the cold war

Martial law and Lord Haw Haw,

Auschwitz and Warsaw -

Destruction mutually assured?

I don't know about all that...

I remember dig for victory and duck and cover

Blitz spirit - we looked out for each other

We stockpiled beans, fought Stalin or Jerry

- And still had time to make merry

Now it's Big Brother and single mother

Hug a mugger and live-in lover

And not enough Our Father, if you ask me...

I wish I hadn't Grandad. Besides,

Haven't you forgotten polio and TB?

Bedbugs, lice and fleas?

Backstreet abortion and mental health torture?

And we might have AIDS, but you had VD...

I didn't!

What's left of the UK now is crap

Back then it was all pink on the map

East of Aden, South of Darwin

The king would pass and coloured folks would doff their

cap

Well exactly, Grandad...

It was all gay bashing and school lashings

Racist cops and right wing plots
You knew your place! Yes, and that's where you

stopped...

In my day, gay meant happy you know - and anyway:

It was nothing compared to the shocking sights

You see today - like last night

Lasses throwing glasses, a terrible fight

And you call that human rights?

It's all happy slap and shut your trap

Steal your wallet if you have a nap

- children cheeking, asylum seeking,

Bin is reeking - bloody recycling!

Well, look at it another way -

Now we've got double glazing and central heating

en suite bath and comfy seating

And thankfully, that ain't spam you're eating...

You had one TV channel, maybe two

Grandma had to wash your smalls by hand

(not that that bothered you)

No phone, no computer - far too new

And it must have been cold on that outside loo

That much is true -

But I haven't even started yet - I've a list to go through:

Traffic jams and fat kids,

Rap music and women's lib

Mini-motos and kids with ASBOs

Hoodies, immigrants, con men and no respect!

The EEC and -

OK Grandad, I get the message. Let's have a cup of tea and turn the

telly back up eh?
Maybe the Generation Game will be on...