This is the first time that the Knolly Estate has allowed the great man's memoirs to be published. What follows is the fifth chapter of 'The African Adventure'.

In Continent 2

Bertie, although enjoying the work and the female companionship, grew restless and began to continually remind me of our mission. I must admit I thought, once we were in Africa, that to travel to another part would be easy - you know, hop on another ship or wait for supply wagons travelling South. But no! Everything either arrived and returned to its port of origin or went North. The odd traveller did come up from the Cape bringing newspapers and such like but that was all. We were well and truly stuck on the wrong coast and with no idea how to infiltrate Rhodes' Empire.

It was in the middle of our second month at the Walvis Saloon (It didn't actually have a name) that a glimmer of hope appeared. One of the newspapers brought up from the Cape had a flyer inside asking for courageous young men to 'come and join DeVries Light Horse - a regiment being raised to accompany Mr Cecil Rhodes on his latest Colonial expedition'. I leapt off my bed, raced round to Bertie's room and barged in...

'Bertie, I have it!' I exclaimed. A voice came from somewhere under the bed clothes.
'You could have knocked.' There was a squeal and some giggling and then Bertie's head appeared. 'Um... busy Knolly... give me ten minutes and I'll be down.' More muffled giggles. I sighed.

'Fine, but make sure you pay her. We don't want any trouble from Mrs Grey. I have a plan forming and we could very soon be on our way.'

Half an hour later a sheepish Bertie joined me on the stoop.

'So glad you could join me... today. Take a look at this flyer then.'

He looked it over and then with a look of utter amazement burst out.
'Great Scott, Knolly, you expect us to join this upstart of a cavalry regiment? A bold idea but you seem to forget that this is a Cape Colony paper and we're still here.'

'Don't you think I don't know that man. Dammmit!'
'Sorry!' mumbled Bertie.

'Yes, I know you are. Now then, how are you getting along with Daphne, I mean Felicity? Can I safely assume it was her under your bed?'
'Knolly!'

'Bertie, I need to ask her something about Kite, something that's been annoying me since we got here.'
'How do you mean?'

'Do you remember the act Kite used to do with the chap jumping out of a hot air balloon with the length of India rubber tied round his legs?' Bertie thought.
'You mean "Ping the Elastic Man"'?

'That's the fella. Now Mrs Grey said Kite left in a hurry, too much of a hurry I'll be bound, to take all his stuff with him which means...'
'Knolly, somewhere in this town is a hot air balloon! Our ticket out of here. Knolly you're a genius.' At this Bertie leaped up and ran inside calling out 'Felicity, darling, are you busy?'

I grinned and thought to myself 'where would I hide a hot air balloon and basket?'

So there I sat taking in the view (which wasn't really much) listening to the exotic bird song and waiting for Bertie to reappear armed with the knowledge to put our scheme into action. I didn't have to wait too long after the screaming had died down. Obviously Bertie had been his usual tactful self in trying to obtain the necessary information. He appeared sporting numerous scratches and a black eye, but with Felicity in tow. Now, as far as I could make out, there were only two places such a large object as a balloon and all the gubbins required to maintain it could be hidden away. Either out towards the desert or, as I hoped, out by the docks where we came off Trublemacher's ship.

Bertie was squirming in front of me and looking at his feet.

'Well then, Bertie, you know where to find it then?' I asked knowing full well from his uncomfortable posture that Felicity hadn't told him. He grinned sheepishly
'Um... no. She won't tell me unless she can come too.'

I looked over his shoulder and Felicity smiled back at me.

'Of course she can come with us.'
'What!' they both exclaimed as one.

I grinned. I had expected something like this to occur knowing that Felicity was a devious little minx looking for an escape route. Well we needed that balloon now and I was quite prepared to play along with her until we were ready to launch.
'Knolly... what are you saying? We can't take her with us.' blustered Bertie.

'Yeah, you're up to somefing Mr Knolly.' said Felicity at once losing any ladylike pretensions she had adopted.

'On the contrary, my dear. You know where it's hidden and I have no doubt that Mr Kite has, in the past, taken you aloft for nefarious means so you have two skills that I wish to put to good use... Now where is it ?'

'All right then, I'll show you, but no tricks. Let me go and get some clothes on first. Bertie you come with me and I'll tidy your face up, come on.'

Bertie blinked at me 'what's afoot'.

'LATER' I blinked back.

The pair eventually returned. Bertie's eye had now calmed down and Felicity was all dressed up in her Sunday best as though we were off for an evening at one of London's finest theatres.

'Come along then Mr Knolly, dear.' and she grabbed me by the arm. She raised her parasol and led the way back to the dockside. She was really enjoying this; a man on each arm and stopping to pass the time of day with her assorted past and current 'clients'. I think Bertie was, too, but after half an hour I began to grow impatient. I whispered in her ear

'Felicity, my dear, you've had your fun now please show me where the balloon is kept or I'll put you over my knee right here and tan your bottom 'till it's red raw.' At this she gasped and tried to pull away

'You wouldn't dare! I know your reputation - you've never hurt a lady.'

'You try my patience my lass and there is a first time for everything.'

Her eyes widened and a look of horror came over her face. Bertie was about to come to her aid when she said something and pointed behind her.

'There, in that warehouse!' Then she started to cry on Bertie.

'Bertie, sort her out and then bring her over.' I called over my shoulder and ran to the building.

'Oh Bertie, he hates me, hates me he does.'
'There, there Felicity. He doesn't hate you... well only when you're trying to kill him. He's just got things to do and nothing is allowed to get in the way. Now come on, dry your eyes and let's see what Knolly's found...'

The Great Knolly Archive

07.04.05 Front Page

Back Issue Page