This week (the week this goes out, that is) is quite a busy week for me. I normally work 25 hours at the moment, and I've picked up quite a few more this week, what with one of my colleagues being on holiday. This is good, of course, but I also resent it a little because it's eating into my prized time off. I don't mean my time off from work, you understand. I mean time off from my other job.

I've written about respite before in this space. Last time, as far as I can recall, I explained that one of the major problems for me was being able to be away from R without worrying about her wellbeing while I was elsewhere. I'll come back to that in a minute, because first I want to go right back to the beginning. I have written before here about the fact that it took me a while to realise that I was a carer. That is because for me the deterioration of my wife's health was no instant, as with a car crash or a stroke, for example. Her condition got worse, and still does from time to time, until it dawned on me that I was actually doing quite a lot for her. So that's what I want to invite you to consider now. A lot of people care for spouses, offspring or parents. It's just what you do, isn't it? So I'm asking you to consider whether it really is. Do all husbands have to carry their wives from the car? Do all daughters have to take charge of money for their fathers? Do all children have to read for their parents?

I'm not saying that you shouldn't do what you do. On this occasion I'm not even asking you to demand recognition and proper support from the Government. This is all about you, and your health and wellbeing. So your first step is to recognise that you are a carer. Once you have got there, the next job is to recognise that you need time and space for yourself. It doesn't have to be a week long holiday or a day out to a museum. I get three afternoons a week to myself. In my case I am quite fortunate, in that my wife is fairly independent and therefore able to do voluntary work, so I get some time to myself. I don't do anything very special with the time. I write this. I listen to radio comedy R doesn't like. I do some writing. I relax and enjoy the sense of not having to do anything particular or please anyone but myself.

So that's your second challenge. Try to find some time for yourself if you can. I would like you to make it at least an hour, enough time to properly relax. What you do with it, within the bounds of legality, is entirely up to you. Just try to make sure that it is about you, and what you want to do. Then you can go back to putting all your effort and energy into looking after someone else, knowing that you have your space to yourself to look forward to.

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