Let's face it: the plots are absurd.

Movie musicals: the perfect date movie? Unless you're going out with a music critic. Here are the answers.

1. John Travolta and Oliva Newton-John declare that 'you're the one that I want', with much 'ooh, ooh, ooh'-ing. Grease.
2. Audrey (Levi Stubbs) demands to be fed. Little Shop of Horrors.
3. Peter O'Toole displays a woeful countenance. Man of La Mancha.
4. Tim Curry claims to be a sweet transvestite from Transylvania. Rocky Horror Picture Show.
5. Victor Garber hangs on a fence and sings, 'Oh God, I'm dying.' The rest of the cast replies, 'Oh, God, you're dying.' Godspell. See? Commas matter. In a later, non-singing role, Victor Garber also apologised for the design of RMS Titanic.
6. Julie Andrews and others who should have known better convince the world that 'Edelweiss' is the Austrian national anthem. The Sound of Music. Which sound is apparently relentlessly cheerful.
7. Julie Andrews puts a cockroach into a French salad, with predictable results. Victor/Victoria. They all start screaming and running about. I call that predictable.
8. Rex Harrison proves he can't sing, and berates Audrey Hepburn, who doesn't bother trying. My Fair Lady. She could have danced all night, but the notes weren't hers.
9. Somebody hands Johnny Depp a straight razor. We're not sure why. Sweeney Todd. There's a hole in the world somewhere.
10. Ron Moody insists that picking pockets is a necessary occupation, while a child plaintively insists that space/time should be for sale. Oliver!

We can't wait for h2g2: The Musical to come out.

Dmitri Gheorgheni

19.02.18 Front Page

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