Did any of the descriptions want to make you watch the programme? We thought not.

1. Facing up to their flatlining sex life, Joy and Alan take desperate measures. Wanderlust
2. Five-year-old boy is reported missing by his father after a dispute with boy's mum. Reported Missing
3. ...joins environmental crime officers in Pendle to investigate some gruesome fly-tipping. Dom on the Spot
4. Rob and Addison question their new suspect, who denies running Tarks over. Doctors
5. Sonali Shah is in Cornwall to help a couple with a lust for life and a love of the coast. Escape to the Country
6. Tim Medhurst has a lesson in firefighting on a historic boat. Antiques Road Trip
7. Quiz in which contestants try for the lowest score possible. Pointless
8. Comedian talks about her mission to spread kindness and joy to the nation. The One Show
9. Janet Street-Porter and Brian Turner find some top-class scallops in Rye. A Taste of Britain
10. Antiques experts battle it out at a car boot in West Sussex. Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

We think this proves that television is a vast wasteland on both sides of the Atlantic. And we're not sure we want to know what 'fly-tipping' is. We've heard of cow-tipping, but…..

Dmitri Gheorgheni

24.09.18 Front Page

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