One of the reasons you search h2g2 for recipes is that those recipe websites are rubbish. They show you a picture. You go, 'Wonderful! How do I make that?' Then you have to read the cook's life story in order to find out.

There's a reason for that. Recipe sites are clickbait. The longer you stay on the page, the more adverts you see, the more trackers they add, and the more money they make. Cooking with google can slow your computer down to a crawl. Read ours, instead: we promise not to do that.

Short story long: I have celiac. It was Elektra's birthday. I wanted to make her a cake. I'd heard of this thing called 'gob cake'. It's all the rage at office parties in the US. I googled recipes. I endured waffle. I distilled the instructions into something doable. Elektra pronounced it 'the best birthday cake I've ever had.' So here's how you can do it.

What You Need

For the cake:

• 1 box chocolate cake mix (in my case, gluten-free)
• 1 packet chocolate pudding mix (ditto)
• 4 large eggs (Source: Hoggett ducks and chickens)
• 2/3 cup vegetable oil plus two tablespoons for the pudding
• 1 cup milk

For the filling:

• 1 box confectioner's sugar (I think it's called 'icing sugar in the UK. In the South we called it 'powdered sugar'.)
• 1 can of evaporated milk (You won't need the whole can.)
• 1 stick of butter, softened

Making the Cake

1. Get 2 cake pans, either round or square, doesn't matter, but the same size (mediumish). Coat them with butter. Then dust them with flour by rotating them in your hands over the sink. Bang them a bit to throw off the excess. Set aside.
2. Heat oven to 350°F or 176.667°C or oven setting 4. Feel scientific.
3. In a large mixing bowl, add milk, oil, and eggs. (Take them out of the shells first.) Use an electric mixer to blend these ingredients.
4. Add the cake mix and the pudding mix. Be careful or they will throw up dust. Don't sneeze into your cooking. Blend thoroughly. Mixture should be thick and move glacially.
5. Divide the mixture between the two pans. Bake for about 35 minutes or until the centre is springy when you touch it gingerly.
6. Set aside to cool for 15 minutes, then turn the two layers out onto a clean dishtowel to cool further.

Now the icing layer.

1. I hope you've washed the mixer beaters. If you haven't, go back and do that. Dry them before you put them back on the mixer so you don't electrocute yourself.
2. Cream the softened butter.
3. Alternate adding confectioner's sugar and tablespoons of evaporated milk and mixing. Do this until you have a yummy icing with a creamy texture that gives you an almost unbearable sugar rush.

Assembly Stage:

1. Lay one layer of the cooled cake onto the plate. (Make sure it's cooled so you don't melt the icing.)
2. Pour the whole amount of the icing on top of the layer. Spread if necessary.
3. Place the second layer on top.
4. Feel incredibly accomplished. Take a photo for posterity. (Battery-powered candle optional.)

Why This Is a Good Cake

I've never met anybody who doesn't like a rich chocolate cake. The pudding adds to the texture. The icing is a burst of sweetness. It's easy to make. Nobody will care that it doesn't look like the masterpieces from those baking shows. This is not a professional cake: it's a gifted amateur. Kids, especially, will love it.

This cake will never get dry. It won't hang around that long. If you hate dry cake (I do), this is the one for you.

Dmitri Gheorgheni

29.01.24 Front Page

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