This is some, like, content, dude.

To be or not to be? That is the question. Or rather, *A* question, and not a particularly good one at that. Why does it deserve the title of "the" question? I bet all the other questions get bullied for not being "the" question. Now that's hardly fair, is it?

But enough of Shakespeare. Lets talk about me. I am a Discordian. I have many, many titles- in fact, I collect them.

As of 9th June 2001, I have 121 titles, which are:
Lord [INSERT NAME HERE], Dr of erIscoRda, HAL Phillips (in the 2001 sense), Overlord of the Fifth House on the Rite, Member of the Psychotic Friends Network, Grand Knight of the Zen Potato, Deputy Assistant Director of the Erisian Confusion Bureau, Cloisterite of the Monestary of Happenstance Hodge Podge Lodge, Perpetual Pope Converter of Random POEE Titles, Pickler of Saucy Ink Cartridges, Wielder of the Holy carrot, Slayer of All Who Support Him, Lunatic Without a Cause, Evil Genius, Aspiring World-Dominator, Anointed Saviour of Mankind, Licensed Distributor of Precious Mao Buttons to the Region of Thud, Commander-in-Chief Discordian Farces, Bard-in-Residence at alt.discordia, the Man With the Golden Pun, Owner of The World's Most Bandwidth-Consuming Signature (barring Kibo), Proud Owner of http://www.ubergeek.co.uk, Tae-Kwon-Do Black belt . . . Well, Almost, Leader of the International Militant Pacifist Front, CEO of Invisible Inc., Soul Eater of the Million Jelly-Babies of the Sainted Bag, Owner of Tufty the Explosive Clockwork Weasel, Radical Militant Centerist, Made in Taiwan, Ruler of the Unpronouncable Kingdom of Arghfghfghalsefvnf, Unborn Evangelist of the Church of Rebirth, Consumer of the Five Thousand, Evil spawn of Santa, In-Fading Alien, the Ubergeek: Sent to Save the Souls of All Other Geeks, Chief Nerfherder, Papal Knight of the Living Dead, Patron Saint of Patron Saints, Lonely Hermit of the Crowded Cave, Discordian Pope, Head of Illumination at Bavarian Illuminati HQ (I change the lightbulbs), Grand Master of the Ancient Martial Art of Kung-Lung-Bung-Fung-Chung-Mung-Itsu-Do, Founder of the Astoundingly Annoying Alliteration Cabal (3AC), Member of the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Promotion of Cruelty to Animals), Owner of the Sacred Bottle of Te-qui-la, Epesky Episkipos, Anar-Kissed, Leader of the People's Unpopular Back, Dragoon Slayer, Ruthless Assassassassain, Messy-iah, Marduk, The Ancient Sumerian God, Protector of the Luscious and Sexy Polymother St Alicia Erisdaughter Discordia, Slippery Freudian, Purveyor of Fine Megalomaniac Supplies, KSC, CID, MI5, LSD, PPG, SAM, CFC, RPM, BPS, YHVH, King of All Invertebrates, The obiK Who Is Not Allowed, The Emerald Emir of Embolotic Emancipation, Symbiotic Synergistic Shaman, Highly Inflammable, 23Skidoo's Homey, Allegedly the Same Person as Loopi, Superzero, Official Nonentity, Definitely NOT a F**king SubGenius, Vanquisher of Nibblepibblies, Naked Tunisian Sock Merchant, Honourary Member of the Cabal of the Red Herring ( Knights of the Order of Kaos: KOOK), Finder of Things Worth Finding, Official Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Field Researcher (it's true! check out http://www.h2g2.com ), Very Polite, The Choice of 9/10 Cats, Eater of The Red Pill, Quite Delightful, Caffeine Addict, 'Ziner, Programmer, Deep Thinker, Hamlet for the 21st Century, Prolific Writer, Intermitent Fighter, Fire Lighter, More Stuff Ending in -ighter, Matchmaker to the Stars (of the 'Zine), Just Some Dude (by appointment to Hexar), Alligator as far as my Spell-Checker is Concerned, the Artist Formerly known as Mr Niceguy, Indescribably Indelible Undesirable, Not What You Think, Not You, Not Me, Commodore in the Salvation Navy, Gwen Addict, Sideways Thinker, 1/4 Candian, 1/4 Channel Islander, 3/4 Scot, Turned On, Tuned In, Dropped Out, Brother to Colon the Super-Dense Proto-Hippy, Nominal Head of the Church of the Latter-Day Deities, Overclocked Mind, Fashion Hermit, King of Things, Lord of Gourds, Our Man In Glasgow With a Bottle of Vodka and a Bag of Chips, Grand High Master of Paint (According to the Ancient Rituals Laid Out in the Microsoftomicon), Speaker of the Unthinkable, Thinker of the Unspeakable, Included on the Lits of Spooge, and Keeper of the Holy titles.

I can be found on alt.discordia and alt.discordia.scc most of the time. But you don't really want to here about me, do you? No, you want more Hamlet, I can tell.

So he assumed an antic disposition, did he? Pretended to be a nutter to hide his Oedipal complex, more like. From Denmark? On the basis of his behaviour, it's more like the American south.

I'm also a reverse-solipsist. I believe that everyone, with the exception of me, exists. "I think, therefore I am", as some old philosopher bloke said so memorably. Well I rarely think, whilst everyone else appears to- therefore, I do not exist, and you lot do.

Classic literature? Ha!


Email me, read my comic.

As Ian Hislop might say: Er... That's it.


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