Important Things... ><>

<P>1) Beware of metaphors; they are dangerously deceptive. Oh, similes are fine. They just compare two like objects. But to say THIS thing is THAT thing, that's crazy. How much is lost in the transition?</P>
<P>2) Never refer to people as sheep, both for the above reason, and because every other sheep is a ram. Ever seen a ram?
Right, then.</P>
<P>3) The German for "Kill all the Jews" sounds much like the German for "Do you like my moustache?" 11 million people might have died because Adolph grew a lovely little Chaplin. None of that's true, of course, but it could have been.</P>
<P>4) Terry Pratchett references can diffuse any given situation.</P>
<P>5) The Three Stooges were all brothers, and all were graduates of Ivy league schools. What the hell?</P>
<P>6)Tom Green has testicular cancer. That's the funniest cancer of all! I'm pretty sure that's bona-fide proof in the existence of God. Picture it:
"All right, the silent treatment isn't working. They just shrugged off the whole Fatima thing. Even the f*****g Anti-christ committed suicide in a s****y bunker. I need to do something desperate... a stroke of irony so heavy-handed that even the thickest athiest can't shrug it off. Say... who's that guy smearing dog s**t on a microphone?"</P>
<P>7) As the above shows, I can no longer tell when I'm being sarcastic... Bad sign.</P>
<P>Other 7) If the Kool-Aid man was trapped on a deserted island, would he drink himself?</P>
<P>3rd 7) I'm pretty sure whiskey is also proof in the existence of God. Why else would a toxic solvent, used to sterilize surgical equipment, be so wonderful? I'll take Divine Providence for $500, Trebec.</P>
<P>8) A leather glove.</P>
<P>9)Midgets, Monkeys, and Spam. Three things that are always funny, have always been funny, and will continue to be funny forever, or at least until the day the monkeys take over the world. Opposable toes, see. The can grip a rifle with their feet. Natural evolutionary advantage. At least until Spam grows teeth.</P>
<P>After that, all bets are off.</P>
<P>10) Those little tiny white pumpkins they sell around Halloween-time are PUNK-f*****g-RAWK!</P>
<P>11)Live Nude Shakespeare: wait'll you see our King Lear</P>
<P>12)My spit tastes like vodka.</P>
<P>13) Would the world really be any better if we destroyed all the nuclear weapons? Better question: would the world be a better place if we castrated one politician for every new missile built? I think we all know the answer to that.</P>
<P>14) If it weren't for the United States, would Canada even exist anymore? Because I'm pretty sure Mexico could take them. Geez. That'd be the saddest war since the Bloodless Coup of Emperor Norton.<P>
<P>15) If Aliens landed tommorrow piloting enormous flying crucifixes in order to kidnap the Pope, and they all looked like Elvis, I wouldn't be one bit surprised.<P>
<P>16) I saw a male hitchiker the other day wearing a dress and holding a chainsaw. I almost picked him up because, frankly, the story behind that is probably worth being ritually slaughtered for.<P>

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<OPTION selected value="0"> <font color="33ffff"> -- Meet The H²G² Guardian Angels -- </font> </OPTION>
<OPTION value="U116730">Archangel Zax* - P. S. of Alcoholic Indulgence </OPTION>
<OPTION value="U33706">Saint Ioreth - P. S. of Happy Accidents</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U117338">Saint Jeltz - P. S. of Poetic License</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U118119">Saint Benji - P. S. of the Barking Mad</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U109641">Saint Tweetie - P. S. of Impossible Escapes</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U81931">Saint "Asteroid" Lil - P. S. of Graphic Detail </OPTION>
<OPTION value="U96026">Saint Mike - P. S. of Metal Fatigue</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U107594">Saint Thistle - P. S. Prickly Personalities </OPTION>
<OPTION value="U108118">Saint Angel - P. S. of Double Entendrés</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U100945">Saint Cheese - P. S. of Long Lunches</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U50758">Saint Lisa - P. S. of Unrequited Love</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U116798">Saint Cloughie - P. S. of Flying Pigs</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U109504">Saint Big 'Evil' Dan - P.S. of Weekendism </OPTION>
<OPTION value="U113301">Saint (Doctor) John - P.S. of the Chemically Challenged</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U91211">Saint Cutlery - P.S. of Cutting Remarks</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U116348">Saint KoRn BaLl - P.S. of Corny Remarks</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U55075">Saint Irving Washington - P.S. of the Highly Strung</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U25551">Saint Bruce - P.S. of the Pixelly Challenged</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U99947">Saint Sporkulious Eglon - P.S. of Creative Truths</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U108409">Saint Justin - P.S. of Paper-Cuts</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U38390">Saint Technicolor Yawn - P.S. of the Morally Moribund</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U37132">Saint Zoë - P.S. of the Painfully Shy</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U114004">Saint Possum - P.S. of Creatures of the Night</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U55795">Saint Jester - P.S. of Village Idiots </OPTION>
<OPTION value="U55795">Saint SBWTTtToaSCPN&SFSNTbCToO - P.S. of Brevity</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U115142">Taco-Chako - P.S. of Mixed Metaphors</OPTION>
<OPTION value="U115769">Silent Bob - P.S. of the Silent Majority</OPTION>

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Angel List courtesy of <a href="u116730">The Archangel Zax*</a>




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Saint Taco-Chako (P.S. of mixed metaphors)

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