Lies all lies, don't believe anything I tell you, in fact maybe you should run away right now. NOW! RUN!
Hello, very few people know me so it doesn't matter what I write here now. But soon the whole world shall know my name. Now lets see...about me...I'm I read H2G2 three times and i have two copies of every book in the trilogy, i own tv show on dvd, and my brother got the radio series off the internet for me so i have that on cd. I can quote the introduction with almost no mistakes. That's something. My favorite word is trajiversate, or is it spelled traxiversate. Well it's in some dictionaries. It means: to fix by doing nothing. Great, classic me. I have just discovered the internet. Yes I knew it existed but it just didn't interest me before now. i'm going to be a sophmore in high school. so long for now.God is a golf club, God is a golf club.
God may or may not be a golf club, I don't know, I'm not dead. If you are offended; don't be. If you ever find out if He is a golf club please tell me so I don't have to find out myself.(smiley) I'm also torn whether he is a nine iron, a three wood, or a putter.(hmm)
If you're not suffering you haven't met me yet!
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Hello.
I am a psychiatrist. What do you mean,what's with all the dots?
Hmm...iiiiiinteresting....veeeeeeeery iiiiiiinteresting...
Hmm? I'm speaking strangely? No, my speaking is perfectly normal...
What was that? Something about me being insane?
Yes,that IS quite possible...and it WOULD explain a lot...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT believe anything my psychiatrist personality says to you!!!!!!!!
Sorry about that. Split personalities. If anything I say offends you, please tell me what i said so i can apologize for the less sane personalities' behavior.
I am a loser. That's ok,though,you can't have winners without losers.
I can't tell you much about myself,except that I am invisible.
That's right,invisible.
Well,not literally,but no one notices me.
To the so called "popular" people,I simply do not exist.
That's good.
If everyone knew who I was,I'd be even MORE paranoid than i am now.
I don't think anyone will read this,but if you are...
WELCOME TO MY PERSONAL SPACE.
(quit breathing my air!)That is really important you see, i can't breath very well right now *colapses on the ground*
Um i will finish this page, it is i, Wally the grape(i don't exist)!
now as others have reccomended i shall share with you completely false, and not entirely true, information:
Name:al-Khafaji Ibrahim al-Faisal al-Jizrawi
Age:39
Hobbies:murder, reading, self-cannibalism. Mmmmm that dead skin around my thumb! bliss!
Friends:what are these friends you speak of?? Minions?? That must be what you mean. Everyone else is useless. Even my minions are useless, see my friends for my list of my minions who don't think they're minions and have lives outside of me.
Family:dead, all of them, by my hand. What you don't think i could do it, well, you're wrong. Ask them, they'll tell you they're dead. OK fine I lied about that but that does make me even more evil, right?
My U number and 42:
1*2*2*(6+5)-4+2=42!
and i'll even check it:
1*2=2,
2*2=4,
6+5=11,
11*4=44, 44-4=40,
40+2=42
And that is my pathetic, pitiful, wasted, boring, depressing
life, if you want to know more just ask.
Last updated: today is August 17, 2005. Why won't i die, life is passing sooooooo sllloooowwwwlllllyyyyy. Iiiiiii Wwwwwwiiiiillllll nnnnneeeevvvveeeeerrrrrr ssssssuuuuuurrrrrrvvvvvviiiiiiiivvvvvveeeeee fffffoooorrrrrr tttttteeeeennnnnnsssssss ooooooffffff aaaaaaaa llllllooootttttt mmmmmmoooooorrrrreeeee yyyyyyeeeeeaaaaaarrrrrrrsssss. I tell you I will not survive to fifty. Or maybe i will now that there is all that blood on the floor. Stupid flower bearers didn't know what they were getting themselves into.
now to entertain myself i shall write a sceen from a movie, starring ME:
We are in a dark dungen like room. moisture on the walls. stone floor. cages and the like scattered around the ceiling. the walls are covered with devices used in torture. the floor is clear except for a small wooden table.
I speak to hero who is dressed in brightly colored armor of his type, a bit like what hercules wore in that disney movie.: so you thought you could avoid me did you...
Hero(his name is Bo):no i thought i could destroy you *strugles against chains binding him to the wall*
Me:MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Bo:Hey I have an idea why don't you join the forces of good?
Me:Good you say do go on
Bo:You could help people and be my sidekick!
Me:I don't like the sound of that last part *underbreath muttering which Bo doesn't hear*or the first part..
Bo:Or I could be your sidekick.
Me:I could have the legendary Bo as my sidekick*pretends to ponder*no Evil Geniuses don't have sidekicks we have minions.
Bo:But you wouldn't be evil.
Me:You realize that I wasn't even paying attention. I was just repeating what you said and replacing a few words here and there. Bye now.
Bo:That wasn't a very evil way to tell me. It sounded like some four year old gloating.
Me:Yes it is. Look how mad you're getting. Your face is turning red. No never mind, that's just the poisin.
*sceen fades out to center a dark circle around the face of Bo. Suddenly his eyes go blank and he lets out one last breath. The screen goes red then blank Then all that is left is an evil laugh which rings around the theater/room/dungeon/etc.(wherever you are watching from)*
*Sceen reopens in a dungeon that is similar but has a lot more empty floor space in the middle of the dungeon. Or it would if there were not a bunch of people who we will discover are minions of Xanthippi in a moment. Since you already do know they are minions I will refer to them as such from now on. The minions are dressed in gray jumpsuits. They are all males and have shaved heads. They are in 13 lines of 24. Surrounding the minions on three sides of their ranks are clones of Xanthippi all dressed in military garb. I am dressed in a blue and white halter top and dark blue shorts. I pace in front of the minions. I am making a speech to the minions.
Me:Greetings! I am your exhalted leader Xanthippi. *the minions cheer* Some of you will become minions in my arsonal to order about and disperse of as I see fit. Others will not leave this room. *Fire erupts in the middle of floor, minions scatter. Those that have moved out of ranks are shot with arrows fired from the bows of my clones* Those that didn't run from certain death and pain i commend you for your self control. Those that did. I needen't say anything to you. *minions rush in and drag away the bodies. Other new recruit minions enter and take the places of the dead new recruits* Now lets set down the ground rules. 1. Don't look at me. That way you can't actually identify me if you are captured even though it shouldn't matter because if you are captured you must commit suicide at once. 2. If you instructed to prepare food for me or to bring prepared food to me, don't touch it. Perform your duties with the food without touching it. Or I will come up with a suitable punishment. 3. Don't think too loudly near me. The first three offenses you will be verbally reprimanded but after that I expect you to know how loud you can think. On the fourth offence you will be killed. 4. You must always bow when you enter my presence until I personally tell you to rise.
Now that that's straight we will begin your training. Lines 1-7 go to "When Chasing Heros 101" Lines 8-13 go to "Beginning Marksmanship"
*On the door to "When Chasing Heros 101" there is a sign which reads: Rules for a Pursuit:
1. Pursuers must remain a safe distance from pursuees, but must remain within reasonable shooting distance.
2. Pursuers must be crack shots and may fire unlimited shots at walls, doors and anything else around the pursuees, but NOT directly at pursuees.
3. If a pursuee is shot by accident, the pursuers are penalised by the time it takes for the shot pursuee to convince his partners to continue without him while he tries to hold off the pursuers as long as he can. Once the remaining pursuees have left their fallen partner, he can be killed and the chase restarted in earnest.
4. The pursuees must not turn any corner until they have been shot at, or at least indicated their direction.
5. The corridors must be endless, generally formed in a loop to save on budget.
6. One member of the pursuees must suggest splitting up.
7. All participants must yell.
The sign on the door leading to "Beginning Marksmanship" there is a sign reading "Beginning Marksmanship"
*Inside the "Beginning Marksmanship" room the evil minions are practicing all the skills they will need for shooting heros and they are all assigned really cool, top of the line, fully automated, fully equiped weaponry.
I am instucting them in the rules of "Beginning Marksmanship" through a megaphone...
Me:Evil minions who are shooting at the heroes must always shoot so that the shots get closer and closer but never actually hit the hero. Is that understood? This is a very important part of the evil genius thing that I have perfected over the years and I don't want any of you messing it up. You must always keep your weapons and gear on. You belong to me. I don't care if you need to pretend to be a friend to get close to the hero to kill him, or if you think you can chase after him faster without all the fully equiped weaponry, but I don't care. This class is not about chasing or persuits it is about having terrible aim. And another thing, you can hit still targets, but not the hero, I want you to have some experience. As soon as you can hit the still targets everytime we will move you on to moving targets. No matter what do not hit the moving targets. They are very expensive and we need to save money for my evil plots. *musing* Even though Evil Geniuses always have an unlimited amount of cash.*speeking normally* That completes this training session. All evil Minions Report to "When Chasing Heros 101"
*A sign comes up on the screen that says "twenty-five minutes later" The minion holding the sign tries to run back in line but is shot. Another minion takes his place*
Me:Hello and welcome to graduation. I have a few words before you can make your way to the evil minion's barracks to await my orders. First. You must always refer to me by one or more of the following title. That is if you are allowed to speak to me. The titles you may use are: "Oh Most Beauteous and Merciful One", "O Most Awful One", "Oh light of All Evil", "Oh Brilliant Ray of Starlight", "Oh Most Glorious Person of High Repute", "Oh She Who is Terrible and Great", "Miraculous One", "Exalted Being", "Oh Ace One",and or "Lord of All You Survey".
*All minions walk up in a line to recieve their diploma. Some minions I give a diploma to, others, I stab. But other minions take their places at the end of the line so I will end up with all 312 minions. Eventually the pile of dead minions gets so high that we have to move them, or rather minions have to move them*
stay tuned for next instalment.
ooooooo almost forgot my badges, if i can ever figure out how to put them on here...
The Evil Army of H2G2 |
The H2G2 Assassin's guild nil mortifi sine lucure |
| MotMV | MotMV |
 | |
| H2G2 GOD |
I am Goddess of Scythes, Sulking, and Flying Chairs!
mwahahahahaha i have done it. fear me!
I am also official cake-taster. The official title being Mistress of Cake-taster. I was hereby declared several months ago from that moment on until eternity The Bearer of the Insignia of the Most Dangerous and Prestigious Order of the Sorority of the Noblehood of Ancient Mesopotamian Sargonian Caketaster.
Fear my lightsabers with which i can bash things...Or cut things arms off as so often seems the case.
Latest Messages
| Messages left for this Researcher | Posted |
|---|---|
| XANTHIPI!!!!!!! | Jun 15, 2006 |
| Xanthippi!!!!!! YOU evil woman ... | Oct 13, 2005 |
| I read it. | Aug 18, 2005 |
| Hmm...evil...scythe...assassin...cool! | Aug 16, 2005 |
| ciao | Jun 9, 2005 |
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xanthippi-the nut with the scythe
Researcher U1226542
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