The wonder of Biscuit Buscemi...and yes, people do wonder
Egocentricity makes the world go round...
Well, actually, it doesn't - I do - but the title "All About Me" would not only be dull, but inaccurate. A little like the one I've settled for, you say? Well that's your view and yours alone.
I am female, 20 years old, and my name is (contrary to popular opinion) not Biscuit Buscemi. My limited research has led me to believe that the name "Biscuit Buscemi" should be nicely inconspicuous, and nobody seems to object to it. Oh, you do? Well sod you. I like it. Plus I discovered (in an article about Hard Boiled Slang) that a "trip for biscuits" is a task that yields nothing useful. Hey, sounds awfully like a certain user page you're reading at the moment...
I live in the north of England, which makes life alternately dull, simple, and eerie. Dull in that the skies are forever grey, simple in that the people up North are a friendly bunch and don't object to anything but overly posh accents (associated with politicians and people who clip their poodles to look like pom-poms), and eerie in the empty expanse of the moors and the fact that even the pigeons in my home town manage to look sinister.
Yes, I went to Oxford. And it bleeding well terrified me. So much so that during my second year, I lapsed into a delightfully textbook case of clinical depression. Ha-ha. Several months of lying in bed crying all day, not daring to leave the building and eating approximately one bag of crisps a week left me a jibbering wreck. So I'm taking a year off, living at home and trying to get back to the happy-go-lucky life that I....never knew, but have read about in magazines.
The paganism's more or less on hold at the minute. Which sounds quite madly inept (how can one put a philosophy of life "on hold"?). My difficulty is that, not trusting my mind not to send me spiralling into paranoid psychosis at the drop of a hat, I'm not overly keen on the notion of summoning anything from the ether into my room. My inner voice is a negative little bugger, and I don't need Hecate, Pan, or any other serene bastards agreeing with it. 
A friend bought me a bonsai tree for my birthday. I swear, I'm cursed when it comes to plants. Dr Chinnery from the League of Gentlemen, but with plants instead of animals. Most unfortunate. Maybe they know I'm vegetarian and fear me as a result. Alas! I am accursed. This poor wee mite keeps growing its leaves...then losing them...then growing them again every three weeks or so. And in this bleak midwinter, every tree in my home town has blossom on it. Boring bastards will attribute this to global warming, but I like to think that there are ancient gods smiling on us. We'll keep up the human sacrifices either way, but it's nice to think they don't go unnoticed.
I think it will thrill you. It MAY shock you. It might even HORRIFY you...
I really don't have anything to put here - I just like the title, and the picture of Withnail & Marwood below. I'll think of something else the next time I have an essay to avoid doing.
Things which provoke my curiosity
I have occasionally thought (but not always - that would be a strange obsession) that the most interesting people are those who can take an interest in nearly anything. They'll never be bored, and therefore their enthusiasm for life in general will interest those around them.
Unfortunately I'm not one of those people. My interests, though diverse, are limited. Here's a list to either a)bore the pants off you, or b)incite you to think "Ah! A groovy person who shares one of my interests! I shall write to her and prove that I know more about it than she! Bwahahahaha!"
* Witchcraft, old and new (historical texts beside magick)
* Old supernatural horror films (especially The Invisible Man and The Bride of Frankenstein)
* The lore surrounding vampirism and lycanthropy
* The League of Gentlemen (the modern comedic troupe, not the film)
* The League of Gentlemen (the film, not the modern comedic troupe)
* Philosophy
* Red Dwarf (well, series I to VI)
* Writing (bad) poetry and short (also bad) stories
*The Rocky Horror Picture Show - give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Go on.
Guide entries (apart from my own, obviously) which I like. Ask not why and yea, ye shall not be told
- The effect of the League of Gentlemen on a small Derbyshire village
- The original names of quite a few film stars
- Many witty quotes, some of which I'd advise you not to use in polite society....but I shan't tell you which
- As conspiracy theories go, this one's a little overdrawn - yet strangely interesting, if you like the Beatles
- An obsession I recently acquired from various unrelated sources. I'm tempted to say "Genius! All hail Morrissey!" but frankly that would be unoriginal. So I'll just tell you to hang the DJ and read the article.
A selection of quotes which will eventually lengthen this page beyond reason
Quotes which I find amusing
1)"I killed my best friend....for Coke!!!" - The Hole
2)"I like my men to be open about their sexuality, not so far back in the closet they're in f*****g Narnia!" - Tom, Gimme Gimme Gimme
3)"The year is 18--. The old queen is dead. It seems impertinent to refer to him as such, but to us Doctor Timothy Majolicka was always "the old queen"......" - Edmund Chinnery, The Curse of Karrit Poor, The Local Book for Local People
4)"Brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to pick up a piece of paper..." - Marvin, The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy
5)"YOUR MOTHER DRINKS BUD!!!" - Vinz, La Haine
6)"It was the way she said my name. Rimmer. Rimmer, to rhyme with "Scum"......" - Arnold Rimmer, Red Dwarf I.
Quotes of wisdom
1)"Alone bad. Friend good" - Frankenstein's creation, The Bride of Frankenstein
2)"Better dead than smeg" - Arnold Rimmer, Red Dwarf VI
3)"Love isn't about brains, children. It's about blood - blood screaming inside you to do its will!" - Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
4)"When you've seen beyond yourself then you may find peace of mind is waiting there...and the time will come when you'll see we're all one and life flows on within you and without you..." - George Harrison, Within You Without You
5)"All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well" - Jeremy Dyson, We Who Walk Through Walls
6)"I would do anything in the world, except exercise, get up early, or be respectable" - Dorian, The Picture of Dorian Gray
7)"Questions are a burden to others. Answers, a prison for ourselves" - The Prisoner
8)"If love is a red dress, then hang me in rags" - Maria McKee, If love is a red dress(hang me in rags)
9)"Hollywood is just too marvellous. One feels the footprints of all the immortals are here, but has a terrible feeling that they are in sand and won't last when civilization comes this way" - James Whale, director of Frankenstein
10)"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it" - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Quotes of exceeding oddness
1)"I demand to have some booze!" - Withnail, Withnail and I
2)"There will not be a third series...but there will be a fourth" - Mark Gatiss, The League of Gentlemen
3)"I never drink...wine" - Count Dracula, Dracula
4)"Mother just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. Don't you?" - Norman Bates, Psycho
5)"I haven't got a boyfriend!" "You did have..." - Reece Shearsmith and Mark Gatiss, The Local Show for Local People
6)"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius....Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance. In this life - or the next" - Maximus, Gladiator
7)"You don't have to die at thirty! You can live! LIVE!" - Logan 5, Logan's Run
8)"Malkovich, Malkovich...Malkovich, Malkovich..." - John Malkovich, Being John Malkovich
9)"Would you like a jellybaby?" - The Fourth Doctor, Doctor Who
10)"I don't give a good **** what you do or do not know. I'm gonna torture you anyway" - Mr Blonde, Reservoir Dogs
Biscuit's favourite words!
♥ Gallimaufry - n. a mixture, jumble or medley. I like it because it sounds like a mixture of Galifrey (Doctor Who's home planet) and Mau-mau (League of Gentlemen reference)♥ Biscuit - n. a sort of small, hard, cake-like food thing....it translates from the French as "twice baked", which sounds like a euphemism for madness. Hence it is the oft-used pseudonym of yours truly.
♥ Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis - n. a disease contracted by breathing the poisonous gases of a volcano. Also a great way to show off. But not too easy to slip into normal conversation. Rats.
♥ Egregious - adj. originally meaning simply "outstanding", it has come to have the connotation "outstandingly bad". The League of Gentlemen used it. As you may have latched onto, this makes it holy in my eyes. You egregious wretch.
♥ Crepuscular - adj. meaning "of twilight", this word has simply lovely connotations, and was used by the League of Gentlemen in the programme which accompanied their sell-out tour of the UK (and New York). If you read enough of this page, all the subtle mentions of the League of Gentlemen will eventually persuade you to go out and buy all of their merchandise (I should buy shares in it, in fact).
♥ Vespertine - adj. the title of Bjork's latest album, while it sounds as if it has something to do with snakes, it actually only means "of the evening". Which is lovely, and sits well alongside crepuscular as one of my favourite words. Ahh.
And, uh, is this it?
Yes, for the time being. Until I have the time or inclination to write more here, this is all that shall here remain. And Bob only knows when I'll next show up. Don't hold your breath - you'd only survive thirty seconds before asphyxiating.
Until then, why not keep yourself entertained by counting the number of layers on an onion? Or pips in a pomegranate? Or toes on your feet? In some alien cultures, that could take up to three and a half weeks.
Be seeing you.
Latest Messages
| Messages left for this Researcher | Posted |
|---|---|
| Woah... | Feb 5, 2005 |
| Babs cab | Dec 8, 2004 |
| Keep 'em coming! | Jul 11, 2001 |
| Cool personal space! | Jul 6, 2001 |
| Sacred biscuit? | May 29, 2001 |
Conversations
| Conversation Title | Latest Post | Latest Reply |
|---|---|---|
| The League of Gentlemen | Feb 5, 2005 | No Replies |
| Woah... | Feb 5, 2005 | No Replies |
| Papa Lazarou | No Posting | Jan 5, 2005 |
| Babs cab | No Posting | Dec 8, 2004 |
| Edward and Tulip Tattsyrup | No Posting | Nov 25, 2004 |
Biscuit Buscemi
Researcher U173999
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