Wonko the sensei

I Chose "Wonko the sensei" as my user name because I like the character "Wonko the sane" in the novel, he talks to the dolphins and thinks the world is a strange place (he calls it the asylum). The change to "the sensei" stems from my ambition to become an aikido sensei in the distant future.

Some favourite Quotes from the guide:

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A computer chatted to itself in alarm as it noticed an airlock open and close itself for no apparent reason. This was because Reason was in fact out to lunch.

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"I've seen it," said Marvin. "It's rubbish."

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"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." `Very deep,' said Arthur, `you should send that in to the "Reader's Digest". They've got a page for people like you.'"

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There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

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It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons.

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He continued: "I should warn you that the chamber we are about to pass into does not literally exist within our planet. It is a little too ... large. We are about to pass through a gateway into a vast tract of hyperspace. It may disturb you."

Arthur made nervous noises.

Slartibartfast touched a button and added, not entirely reassuringly. "It scares the willies out of me. Hold tight."

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"What's up?"

"I don't know," said Marvin, "I've never been there."

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Science has achieved some wonderful things of course, but I'd far rather be happy than right any day."

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"... and then of course I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left hand side ..."

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R is a velocity measure, defined as a reasonable speed of travel that is consistent with health, mental wellbeing and not being more than say five minutes late. It is therefore clearly an almost infinitely variable figure according to circumstances, since the first two factors vary not only with speed taken as an absolute, but also with awareness of the third factor. Unless handled with tranquility this equation can result in considerable stress, ulcers and even death.

R17 is not a fixed velocity, but it is clearly far too fast.

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"Ford," he said, "you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."

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"`How do you feel?' he asked him.

`Like a military academy,' said Arthur, `bits of me keep passing out.'" ...

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.`We're safe,' he said.

`Oh good,' said Arthur.

`We're in a small galley cabin,' said Ford, `in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.'

`Ah,' said Arthur, `this is obviously some strange usage of the word "safe" that I wasn't previously aware of.'

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You know,' said Arthur, `it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die from asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.'

Why, what did she tell you?'

I don't know, I didn't listen.'

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"`If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.'"

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"`In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were REAL men, women were REAL women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small furry creatures from Aplha Centauri.'"

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"`I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.'"

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"`You ARE Zaphod Beeblebrox?'

`Yeah,' said Zaphod, `but don't shout it out or they'll all want one.'

`THE Zaphod Beeblebrox?'

`No, just A Zaphod Bebblebrox, didn't you hear I come in six packs?'

`But sir,' it squealed, `I just heard on the sub-ether radio report. It said you were dead...'

`Yeah, that's right, I just haven't stopped moving yet.'"

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"`...and the Universe,' continued the waiter, determined not to be deflected on his home stretch, `will explode later for your pleasure.'

Ford's head swivelled slowly towards him. He spoke with feeling. `Wow,' he said, `What sort of drinks do you serve in this place?'

The waiter laughed a polite little waiter's laugh. `Ah,' he said, `I think sir has perhaps misunderstood me.'

`Oh, I hope not,' breathed Ford."

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"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."

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FORD Six pints of bitter. And quickly please, the world's about to end.

BARMAN Oh yes, sir? Nice weather for it..

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Latest Messages

Messages left for this Researcher	Posted
the page	Apr 13, 2000

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Conversation Title	Latest Post	Latest Reply
Aikido	Apr 13, 2000	Apr 14, 2000
the page	Jul 7, 1999	Apr 13, 2000
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Discovery of H2G2	May 27, 1999	Aug 12, 1999

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