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Children floating in a jar of pink liquid.

Children are very common throughout the world. Side-effects of having children include lack of sleep, irritability, purchasing vast quantities of brown and/or pink goo in small jars, and an intimate and unhealthy knowledge of bowel complaints.

Children may be described as little people, although this description is incredibly misleading, as some children may in fact be larger than many non-children1. Generally speaking however, children are smaller versions of their parents. Regarded by their parents with infatuated adoration at first, when the novelty wears off, children are then found to be smelly and loud.

Granted, there are moments of precious joy when it comes to parenthood, but having children or being around children is not easy. In no way, shape or form can it be construed as the proverbial day at the beach.

Childhood usually begins at the age of zero. However, doctor's often say things which might suggest they begin at other times. You may often hear doctors saying, for example, 'the child is seven weeks premature... the child is two weeks overdue' and so forth.

Childhood begins from birth and carries on to some time between 15 years old and 30, depending upon the maturity of the individual. For the male of the species, it is generally agreed that childhood doesn't actually end until they have:

  • Taken a bullet in heroic defence of somebody.
  • Done something else brave that cannot be classified as stupid.

At this point, people will then say that 'he's a real man' even if he still forgets to wash behind his ears.

Women, in general, don't seem to have this problem. They surpass puberty and achieve a physical state of adulthood about the same time they mature psychologically. Many theories have been proposed dealing with this topic. Suffice to say, scholars generally conclude that males are genetically prone to acting more like children regardless of age, while women grow up much too fast and then talk about regaining their inner child.

Physical Characteristics

The physical characteristics of children are wide and varied, depending on their age. They may resemble a crying little ball of skin that just eats, poos and moans. Then, eventually, they start moving about, many even walking upright. They will then look angelic and friendly for a few years before becoming pimply and hormonal.

Once approaching puberty, children will invariably slouch and wear clothes that upset most of society. They will demand that they are not children any longer; however, their actions will make one question their words. They will listen to unlistenable noise and call it music and do incredibly reckless things because they are under the mistaken impression that they will live forever.

However, as they grow older they will discover to their horror that they have become their parents, and the cycle starts anew.

1High school basketball players for example, or the big bully in the sixth grade who was held back twice and took everyone's lunch money. These are examples of children who are often larger than non-children.

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