Escape Pod Dreams - 36

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I know what you did last summer because I still haven't got the stains out!

The New New blob


Life could be a Dream, Sweetheart!


As easy as life has become, compared to, say, the Middle Ages,

there are those who ignorantly do their best to make today just as interestingly irritating and dangerous.

Electricity and the automobile are very useful things, but they have to be used carefully.

Since both have legions of engineers designing and installing the things that make them work, one would assume that we have reached the apex of safety and comfort.

Not so.

Not all those engineers know what they are doing.

Even if they all functioned according to the standards of their professions, there are millions of idiots messing around with electricity and automotive mechanics on an ad hoc basis who do not know their elbow from a tea cozy and have the audacity and audicity to believe that they know better than the engineers.

Voluminous laws, codes and standards exist for consumer goods. Many of these are fine in their own right.

But nothing seems to overcome consumer ignorance. That is why many of the regulations are designed to protect the idiots from themselves.

It is now wrong for someone to die because of the consequences of their own actions.

Nevermind the Darwinian aspects of their mental suicide, which, in many cases took dozens of years and thousands of near misses before they finally got it right, the current political climate dictates that if people are stupid enough to work at substandard jobs in order to earn the meager recompense needed to purchase said inferior products, then they do not need to have their consciousnes raised to the point where they will refuse to work under those conditions for that pittance and thus will stop buying the gaudy garbage that threatens their inferior lives.

Thus, in order to preserve the status quo, it is necessary to force the manufacturers of unnecessary junk to make their trash less dangerous so that the customer can survive long enought to buy another piece of crap when the old one breaks within a fortnight.

Yet, despite all that preservation of an unendangered species (I mean, there is too many of THEM, ain't there?), the morons from between our borders go out and find whole new ways of making their lives and ours, difficult.

Comfort and safety are boring to them. They want to live on the edge. Since Russian Roulette is illegal, they want to rewire their houses and modify their automobiles.

Nevermind that even the least sensible of the truly observant would notice that sometimes, as in pasta cooking, there is a right way and a wrong way to do things.

These denizens of the netherworld stride blinking into the light holding their clubs wrong way round and declare it to be innovation.

Blame that one on the Art world and Noddy Holder...

Then there are those who think that the laws and common sense do not apply to them.

Courtesy is unknown to them. Turnabout is fair play to them. The Golden Rule is a t-shirt slogan that says,'Them Wot Gots the Gold, Makes the Rules!'

So they ride around with 3½ children of questionable parentage bouncing unrestrained in their vehicles, with a tortured Mars bar in one hand and a cell phone in the other, while their passenger has one green-toe-nailed foot on the dash and one out the window.

They speedily careen through traffic, barely avoiding scratching the fresh gouges on their auto body, towards a house that landlord's nephew's girlfriend's mailman rewired last summer after the stove had to be replaced after the grease fire from the fry-cooker.

I hope Jesus never foresaw this lot.

More reasons why you should not put your feet up on the dash:

1. 8:57 AM
A memo from the Curator of Broadcasting Archives to the Director of New Programming.

by

Mrs Opaline Trumacher, trying on a new corset

2. 9:57 AM
Owed to an energy monopoly:

by

Left turn signal around the world!

3. 10:57 AM
It's a bit squishy, but it will do.

by

Binky Gascoigne's umbrella, out for a walk

4. 11:57 AM
Somebody's Mother, part 2

by
Your Other Right Foot (appearing nightly without warning)

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