Hell Content from the guide to life, the universe and everything


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Hell is often thought to be the complete opposite of Heaven, which while making it a potentially exciting place does not guarantee much comfort to its inhabitants.

The exact location of Hell is unknown. Some legends place it beneath the earth's crust, in a volcanic region of fire and brimstone. Others say that hell is a frozen waste, a freezing cold soul sapping place of nothingness. Then again, what is hell for you may not necessarily hold true for everyone else. For instance, some people think that hell is simply another word for marriage, while some think that hell is spending several years of their lives working in remote mining camps, where the only available member of the opposite sex for a radius of several hundred kilometres drives a large truck, is named 'Chopper', has several tattoos of rabid toothy animals on their body, and armpit hair that makes them look like they have a pair of said rabid animals under each arm.

Numerous attempts have been made to locate hell, mostly by arcane means. Some have come forward with claims to have glimpsed a vision of hell in some delirium, but it usually turns out that they have been performing gastronomic experimentation with strange herbs or fungi. Some physical locations on earth are named after hell, but are usually far from the popular image of their namesake.

The inhabitants of hell are often said to be of two separate classes. Most populous are the 'lost souls', the unlucky ones who did not rack up quite enough moral points during their stay on earth to qualify for entrance into heaven. The other inhabitants of hell are commonly referred to as the 'demons', although they may also go by a vast number of pseudonyms, such as devils, imps, fiends, overlords and tax collectors. These demons are supposedly under the constant supervision of some sort of ruling demon, who also has a wide range of alternative names such as Satan, The Evil One, Beelzebub and 'Old Goaty Legs'.

The purpose of the horde of demons is to harass, torture, punish and torment the poor lost souls who missed their shot at the big time in the white fluffy clouds. This causes the lost souls more pain than your 'average torture', because they find it hard to understand why they are being punished for having miserable lives back on earth. It's a kind of negative reinforcement cycle with no purpose other than to repeat the loop.

This grim picture is often used as a fear device to make people, particularly the young, do as they are told. However, if you don't believe in hell, it ceases to be a problem.

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