[Tour Guide Barby Wannabe Walks In]:

Hello/Howdy there and welcome to...Cow House Armory/Weapons Depot...filled with cowtasticly powerful yet inefective/defective equipment...

[Tour Guide quickly excapes men in white coats through trap door]

Anywho...welcome to:

The Cow House Armory/Weapons Depot

Filled to the brim with effectivly satirical devices garreenteed to last at least as long as the owner does and obey the laws of physics...most of the time...

WEAPONS INVENTORY:

Spam-a-pult¹

Discription: A catapult that lanches Spam²

Materials:Wooden structure with metal treads for wheels as well as a Jumbo Size Water-proof Plastic³Cup holster...er...Holder.

Ammunition:Duh...Spam

Trebuchette D'Spam

Discription: A trebuchette that launches spam.

The rest of the information is the same as the catapult with the exception of the range being a good many times longer

Disintergrating Pistol

Discription:Looks like any standardized ACME Disintergrating Pistol⁴

Matierials:Who Knows?⁵

S.L.U.G.S.⁶ Rocket Launcher

Discription: Looks like a rocket lancher.

Ammunition: S.L.U.G.S. Rockets. Longest Range of all S.L.U.G.S. weapons. The slime expands rapidly on detenation and remains there for some time. Very effective for quick excapes and suprise raids. Large area of effect.

S.L.U.G.S. GlobShooter

Discription: Looks like a fancy straw with an optional large telescoping sight and LASER targeting device.

Ammunition: Pea-sized S.L.U.G.S. globs. Has a medium range. The slime expands rapidly on detenation and remains there for some time. Good for those who don't have the space for a full sized S.L.U.G.S. weapon or have a need to conceal their weapons. Small area of effect.

S.L.U.G.S. Granade/Granade Launcher

Discription: Looks like a granade and Granade Launcher.

Ammunition:Granades have an 8 second fuse and a short range. Granade Launcher uses granades which detenate on impact and has a medium range. The slime expands rapidly on detenation and remains there for some time. Good for stopping large numbers of enemies. Meduim area of effect.

S.L.U.G.S. Bomb

Discription: Large Bomb looking thing. Loads of fun caused by loads of slime.

Ammunition: It's Big and it Goes BOOM. Huge Area of effect. Suggest getting away very fast when you see one of these coming. Can be Dropped from above or detenated from a distance via remote. Not much need for any large range, good thing because you dont have any large range with this. You can drop it or detenate it.

S.L.U.G.S. R.E.B.S Gun⁷

Discription: Basically a machine gun...hence the Rapid Emmission part...fires hardened S.L.U.G.S. Pellets...Doesn't have the area of effect due to the minimal expansion of the Satirically Large Ultra Green Slime in it's more solid state...

L.A.R.D.W.A.R.R.I.A.R.S.

Discription:Stands for Large Always Ready Devious Warriors Accessorized Robotically Resourceful In Action-packed Repetitive Sequels

Operational Notes:To give an order you must write:

[whim:ORDER HERE]

CLASSIFIED

E.V.I.L.M.I.N.I.O.N.S.

Discription:Stands For: Evil Villainous Industrial-strength Large Minions Ingaging Numerously In Overwhelmingly Numerous Sections

CLASSIFIED

GADGET INVENTORY

Anti-Assimilation Core

I have lately noticed a lot of 'This Page Has Been Asimilated' messages and, although not sure of Borg diplomacy, felt the urge to develope a defense against it. This device also comes in a portable size.

Discription: A large spherical metalic object with cow spots painted on it.

Instilation Process: Just weld the thing to the floor and you're good to go.

Portable Anti-Assimilation Core

Discription: Just a downsized version of the full-sized one

Intilation Process: Just peel of the paper and stick it in the desired place

One-Size-Fits-All Pockets

Discription: They look just like normal pockets and are made to store just about anything that the hole will alow to fit. Think Mary Poppins Style Pockets...you can fit a lamp in there is needs be. The rim of the pocket hole is made of elastic material and there fore can be streatched more than a normaal hole allowing for more bulkier objects...like rocket launchers and larges floor lamps to fit into the hole. Note:The only thing holding back on the size of the object you put into your one-size-fits-all pocket is the diameter of the pocket opening and weight.

Instilation Prossess: Just rip out old pocket material and instal new just as if it were another normal pocket.

Usage: Just put in your desired pocket stuffing and your good to go...just don't put a lot of heavy objects in there...it doesn't eliminate the weight of the item.

ARMOR INVENTORY

Dintergration-Proof Vest

Discription:Slips on over head and expands to any size for good fit.

Available in many differant designs including the standard Cow Spot Design, Alabaster, Brunel, and Clasic Goo camiflogue designs, as well as plaid...never know when you'll need that...

T.A.R.G.E.T.⁸

Discription:A shield made of tarmac used for deflecting blows from...yup you guessed it...Egrets and Tomatoes

Usage:Just hold sheild in path of Egret or Tomato and hope it doesn't go around...The Egret is the one I'd be worried about with the going around...

Research and Development

Anti-Dintergration-proof vest Artillery Gun

Re-Intergrating Pistol

Other Gismos most likely already invented by Q

Super anti-solar radiation goggles[sunglasses]

Manual Torque Applicator[Screwdriver]

Sonic Moo Attack Training Videos

Five Second Massive Pecks Video⁹