'Well you'll never guess who's sleeping with Malcolm now. I had to come and tell you!'

Patrick can't just walk into a shop. He has to enter centre stage with an accompanying drum roll. Hasn't he anything better to do than annoy me? I haven't got time to do annoyed. It's Valentine's day in just over four weeks. It's bad enough that I have to baby-walk my new boss through the most traumatic four weeks of the year - She may be Miss Corporate Inc but she is still in nappies when it comes to a flower shop. I so don't need Patrick stirring today.

'She knows, Patrick.'

It's nice to see someone can wipe that supercilious grin off his face, thank you Baleesha.

'What do you mean she knows? How can she know? I've only just heard.'

Oh it's good to have Baleesha back, she and Patrick clash so deliciously. This could be fun after all. Perhaps I could let them play scissors at dawn. No!!! I can't wait until dawn! They can play scissors at tea break and Baleesha can borrow mine - they're definitely the sharpest. There may even be enough blood spilt to dye the white roses, the red ones are going to shoot up in price next week.

'I know it says Atomic Anemones on the sign outside, Patrick, but this shop should really be called 'The Grapevine'. Soooo much has happened since yesterday you wouldn't believe! A whole omnibus edition of goss to catch up on.'

Go on Baleesha, lay it on with a trowel.

He's livid, how delightful. For once we know more than he does. Oh this is turning into an excellent Day. Even the catastrophic Saturday child Clarissa is earning her pittance for a change. Completely useless as a sweeper-upper but the child does love to Blue Peter, although I'm not sure quite how successful her chiffon covered Olympic hearts for the Valentine's Olympic window are going to be. Never mind the making of them is sparing us all the perils of her tea making. Angela is happily doing what she does best; filling the kitchen with mouth-watering aromas and force feeding staff and customers alike. Baleesha is bossing as only she can; overseeing the construction of the Parthenon backdrop that is to be the setting for our Valentine's window. Dimitri is revelling in his new role as assistant window dresser complete with his latest designer wig. Well we had to do something to cheer him up, he was so upset yesterday after he wrapped his Silver Shadow round the tree, and the new owner is delivering the wedding flowers. It's almost like old times.

'Tea Patrick?'

'Angela! When did you get back? How was America? Did you bring me some fags? UH! UH! You've put on weight. You look positively Reubenesque! Give me a cuddle Mmmmmmm! I like Reubenesque. You'd better make the old witch a tea too and put two sugars in it.'

'She doesn't take sugar.'

'Just put them in she won't even notice - she's getting too thin. Oh my G*d! The kitchen's been painted! It's clean! And new shelves! Well I must say this is an improvement and not before time. You can tell someone else is in charge!'

He is truly foul. It's revolting and he knows it. Magenta doesn't work with deepest Wedgwood. It didn't in the eighties and it doesn't now. It looks like Claire's Accessories for god's sake! I am not going to get annoyed; he's only trying to wind me up.

'Patrick put that cigarette out! You can't smoke in here.'

Oh excellent, Baleesha! I'd forgotten about that new rule.

'What do you mean I can't smoke in here? I always smoke in here. The old witch is smoking.'

'She's the only one who's allowed to.'

'Since when and who says?'

I think I might just chain smoke for half an hour. The kitchen looks good does it?

'Since today and my new boss Patrick dearest. The one who overnight has painted the kitchen such a magnificent colour; so if you want a cigarette you can go outside.'

'You're an evil old witch!'

'Oh that's rich coming from someone who makes Iago look like Mrs Do as you would be done by!'

'For G*d's sake you two stop bickering.'

'I am not bickering, Baleesha. I haven't got time to b****y bicker!'

'Patrick, she's upset and you're not exactly helping. How would you feel in her place? She's got to stay on for another four weeks and everything is changing. Winding her up will only make matters worse.'

Does Angela really think I am deaf as well as blind?

'I am not deaf, I am not upset and I am not going to French classes any more!

Where do these quantum leaps come from?

'What do you mean you're not going to French classes any more?'

'Oh that's right Patrick just let the whole village know.'

Great! How to bring a flower shop to a standstill on a Saturday morning.

Dear God look at them. Anyone would think I'd broken a commandment. Angela looks as if she's going to choke on her doughnut, Baleesha has actually stopped talking, Dimitri's wig has slipped with the shock, and the utterly useless Saturday child Clarissa is eyeing me with Judas disapproval. This was supposed to be a fun day.

Don't look at me like that you vile young thing. You might enjoy being a student but that doesn't mean the rest of us have to. As far as I recall nowhere on any of his b****y tablets did Moses write 'Thou must enjoy being a student.'

'But I gave you my French books.'

Oh good attempt at hurt Patrick.

'You can have them back!'

'I don't want them back!'

'Will you two stop bickering! Your office, now!'

I so hate it when Baleesha does her assertive bit.

'What is the matter with you?'

'In case you have forgotten it is Valentine's day in four weeks time. We don't have a proper theme let alone a window or a menu. Miss Corporate Inc is not going to get through it unless we tiptoe her through the b****y tulips! Patrick keeps winding me up telling me how wonderful all the changes are and how efficient she is...'

'He's only teasing, you know he doesn't mean it. What's the real problem?'

'I haven't got a problem.'

'That's why your cigarette intake has trebled and you have more bags under your eyes than a Harrods' sale shopper can carry, is it?'

'OK! I'm out of a job in four weeks!'

'Don't hide behind that one... your choice remember? You wanted to go back to college?'

'What if I can't hack it?'

'You're scared! I don't believe it! Miss 'I can do anything' is scared!'

'All right I might be - but if you tell anyone out there... you're dead!'

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