Meet Mr Inquisitor [Redux]
Created | Updated May 5, 2004
Meet Mr Inquisitor [Redux]
No one would have believed in the first years of the Twenty-First century that this website was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than Awix's and yet as mortal as his own; that as hootoo'ers busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinised and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinise the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water.
With infinite complacency men went to and fro over the Guide and about their little communities, serene in their assurance of their mastery over their business. No one gave a thought to the dismal suburbs of Greater Manchester as sources of human danger, or thought of them only to dismiss the idea of life upon them as uncivilised or insensible. It is curious to recall some of the mental habits of those departed days. At most hootoo researchers fancied there might be other h2g2ites in Swinton, perhaps inferior to themselves and ready to welcome a helping hand with their GuideML. Yet across the gulf of The East Lancashire Road, a mind that is to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that can't work the Internet, an intellect vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded these Researchers with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew his plans against us.
And in the weekly Post came the second great Inquisitor...
Right, as I've not been able to find a victim this week, you little Inquisitorites will be treated to what I like to refer to as...
Bom badda bombombom BOMMM!
Meet Mr Inquisitor [Redux] Emergency Interview number 1!
My guest this week is none other than my mate Pete, a small penguin glove puppet which I bought in Canada in the year 2000. So, hello Pete!
*glassy stare*
Erm, right. So then Pete, my first question is this. As a small Canadian penguin glove puppet who lives in my cupboard, you'll never have seen h2g2 will you?
*glassy stare*
That's very interesting. So, you're originally from Canada then? According to Canadian comic Mike Wilmot, Canada is pretty pants as you live next door to the USA, in the snow, amongst the French. What do you have to say to that?
*glassy stare*
Sometimes Pete, I don't think you like talking to me.
*glassy stare*
[Enter Inquisitorial Father]
Inquisitorial father: Andrew1? Are you talking to that ******* glove puppet again?
Yes dad, I am. I'm conducting an interview for a website.
Inquisitorial father: So why are you talking to your hand, stuffed inside a penguin?
Ahh, maybe Pete would like to field this question.
*glassy stare*
Inquisitorial father: You're ******* weird... [EXITS]
So then, there you have it. An interview with a piece of fluff consisting of 90% filler which has already been seen by everyone who has read my Journal. Lest ye wish to be tortured with another Emergency Interview I suggest you contact the lovely shazz via email and volunteer for an interview.
Until next time, when my guest will be a real h2g2 researcher, I've been Mr Inquisitor neglecting to take his special medicine. Au Revoir!
