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Card Games with Rude Names

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A Card Game Called B*****d

'B*****d' is one of the more unusual card games. It's also one of the more entertaining.

  • Number of players - three to five - four is probably best
  • Object of the game - to get rid of all your cards


Each player gets nine cards dealt to them in the following manner:

  • Three cards laid in a row, face down in front of each player - nobody gets to see them, and they stay face down throughout the game.

  • Three cards laid face-up on top of those.

  • Three in each player's hand.

The rest of the deck then goes face down in the middle, and the top card is turned over to start the pile.


Going in turn, each player has to meet or beat the card on top of the pile. Twos are low, aces are high; the suit doesn't matter. If you have more than one card of the same rank, you can put them all down at once. If you can't meet or beat the top card, you eat it - that is, you pick up the entire stack, and then turn over the next card in the deck to start things up again1.

Wild Cards

Now for the fun part. There are three wild cards: twos, tens and jacks. If a two is played, the pile is 'set' back down to two: the next person can play a three, and so on. If a ten is played, the next player ignores the ten and has to meet or beat the card that was played just before it. For example, if Player 1 plays a queen and Player 2 plays a ten, Player 3 then has to beat the queen. And finally, if a jack is played, the order of play is reversed, from clockwise to counterclockwise or vice-versa, which means that the player who played the last card now has to beat it2.

Using the Cards in Front of You

So what about those cards on the table? Ah yes... this is the really fun part. If it's your turn and your hand is empty, you get to use one of the face-up cards in front of you - provided, of course, that one of them is high enough3. And if it's your turn and your hand is empty and you're out of face-up cards, you get to use one of your face-down cards. And remember: you don't get to look at them first. Just close your eyes, take a deep breath, pick one and cross your fingers.

And there you have it. First one to get rid of all their cards is the winner. Now grab a few friends and try it. It's easier to pick up than it sounds, although it's probably best that you play it with good friends. After two or three experiences along the lines of having your last ace topped with a jack by a grinning opponent, you'll quickly come to understand where the game got its name, and at that point any friendships previously on rocky ground may be seriously at risk.

A Card Game Called A***hole

A***hole, a somewhat poorly-named card game, has the redeeming feature of being an entertaining game. People of a gentler disposition can, of course, rename the game.

Players: For 3 or more people. If you have more than four players, just add a second deck.

Object: To get rid of all your cards

Order of Cards: (lowest) - 3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,J,Q,K,A,2,Joker - (Highest)

How To Play

All cards are dealt to the players. For the first game, the player to the left of the dealer starts. For any other game, the A***hole starts. This player may put down any number of cards of the same value. The next person can play the same number of cards of a higher value on top (or pass). A single Joker can beat any other turn (except, depending on your 'house' rules4, another Joker). Play continues until no one can (or will) beat the last turn. At this point, the pile in the centre is removed from the game and the player who put down the last cards starts the next round.

The first person to have played all cards from his/her hand is the President. The last is the A***hole. If there are five or more players the second and second last are Vice President and Vice A***hole respectively. For the next game the A***hole deals and starts. However, before the start the President gives his/her two worst cards to the A***hole, who in turn gives his/her two best cards to the President. If you are playing with Vices, they swap one card.

1As this is one of those games where the object is to get rid of your cards, picking up the stack is a baaaaaad thing.2The last card, that is, not the jack.3If not, poor you. The penalty is the same as always: pick up the entire pile.4 Local rules agreed upon by the players before start of play

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