Welcome to this week's (nearly) live edition of Meet Mr Inquisitor [Redux] with me, the lovely Psycorp. This week, despite having an exam this morning, two exams this afternoon and a birthday present to buy I've still found time for my loyal audience. You don't get that kind of commitment from Darth 'Oooh passing my exams are more important than the Post' Zaphod!! Anyway, I should really be revising for a law exam and looking for a present, so here's the interview.

Joe C, you have braved the Dentist's Chair™ for possibly the most self-serving of purposes. Self-promotion. Now that's my kind of guest! So then, seeing as you want to get famous by appearing on the third-least read post column of all¹², do you think it's right that all the fame and adoration should go to talentless mimes from Alabama, a cockney in a sarong who kicks a ball around the Spanish capital and people who make a living pretending to be other people on the screen as opposed to the 'deserving' professionals such as doctors, policemen and Postal Inquisitors?

Absolutely not! Although I am nearly a cockney, and I was in Spain last month, and I have relations who pretend to be other people on the screen... But none of the rest of it applies to me! Honest!

How can someone be nearly a cockney? Can you only get one knee up or something?

Well, I was born in Whitechapel... which is nearly close enough to Bow... but I suppose moving to Manchester when I was nearly two years old discounts that? I mean, surely the benefits of being a cockney are outweighed by the dire consequences of being a Mancunian...

If that was a sly dig, I am technically a Salfordian, but most damn Southerners can't tell the difference between Manchester and Salford³ so I tend to refer to myself as a Manc. Anyway, enough about me, this is supposed to be about you. Now this is normally the part of the interview where I ask my traditional Fight Question™, so here it is. Damon Albarn of Blur (representing London, Muppets and Pretentious Goits) versus Liam Gallagher of Oasis (representing Manchester, Mullets and Monkeys). Unarmed, twelve rounds. Who wins?

Ooh... Now London and the Muppets both rule, but then I was a big fan of Oasis... What about Kermit? Doesn't he get a look in? B****y representation, I dunno what the world's coming to...

*pause*

Oh all right, Damon it is.

But Liam Gallagher has the shoulder poke, and a big brother to run to. Damon just has his, erm, what does Damon Albarn have?


So as you've displayed a distinctly London bias, I will ask this next question whilst holding the screen at an angle so that I am looking haughtily down my nose at you.

Will London get the Olympics? And why?

London *will* get the Olympics. This is because we have fabulous people, we're all really cool, our transport network is fantastic, we have the best athletes in the world, and it's all looking rosy.

OK, maybe we won't, but we like to think we will. I don't reckon we'll be able to match the Commonwealth Games, though, that was fantastic! I was standing in Exchange Square in Manchester watching the closing ceremony in the pouring rain, and still it was brilliant!

The England versus Argentina WC2002 game on the BBC screen at the Triangle⁴ was an amazing day as well. Looking at your Personal Space, it seems that you have a bit of an affinity for Monty Python. Got any particular favourite sketches?

It's the lesser known ones that impress me the most. On the DVD for The Holy Grail, there's an informational film from the Ministry of Food, instructing viewers on the alternative uses of coconuts: that is, hollowing them out, then asking a friend to bang them together, while yourself imitating full equine motion. And of course, there's the Cheese Shop...

There are a great many hidden gems like that in the Python films. Right, here's a question for you. Given that the prisons are full, and violent crime is still a problem, should the death penalty be re-introduced for murder and/or rape?

No. If society were to be allowed to do that, then surely that's saying that there's one rule for society and one rule for everyone else? That's not on.

Although, saying that, I suppose there are one or two Researchers I could name who would probably benefit from a quick visit to the gallows...

Well, I have to remain impartial so I can't... Ah, who am I kidding? Which researchers could benefit from a quick trip to the gallows? Who gets on your nerves and why?

I couldn't possibly say I'm an ACE, don't y'know...

I did actually, but I'm sure many of our literally plural number of readers didn't. So what's the most rewarding thing about being an ACE, from your point of view?

It's not necessarily being an ACE per se, but it's giving something back to the h2g2 community. I really love it here; I used to be a sub-editor, but gave it up because I had too many pressures on my time. Being an ACE felt like a better solution as it took up less time but was just as important. That said, I still enjoy editing; I'm now working as Editor at hamptonlion in my free time

Do you want to tell us a bit about that then, while I rack my brains for questions?

Well, it's a project that was started by my predecessor a couple of years ago, and never really took off... and he's developed it over time, and this is its fourth incarnation; only now is it beginning to see some proper work put into it.

I feel like I should be talking h2g2 though, so a more appropriate project to talk about would be the Language Thing which is much more interesting. We exist for people to speak in one language (or more) to talk to those who don't but aim to. Or do, but need practice. Or something like that. (Yes, I lifted that straight from the page... shh!) It's another project which I took over from someone else, and I'm redeveloping it at the moment.

I set the agenda here... So I say this; should organ donation on death be compulsory?

Not compulsory... but I think it should be opt-out, rather than opt-in. So many more people would be able to survive if people had to choose NOT to donate their organs, rather than choose to do so. Blood is the other issue; I think those who can should be encouraged (but not obliged) to give blood when possible.

Good point, but what do you make of the statement that increases in medical technology and better aid for the disadvantage has essentially freed the human race from Darwinism to the extent that survival of the fittest no longer applies to us as a species?

Hmm, hadn't heard that one before; shows just how much attention I pay to all these science-types...

I don't think we can be free from Darwinism though. No matter how much we try to convince ourselves that we're better than everything else, we're just another animal. *polishes his 'Vegetarian' badge with pride*. Don't they reckon we'll lose our little finger eventually 'cos it's so underused? How can medical technology, advanced as it is, stop that?

To be honest, I was ratted⁵ when I wrote that question, and made it up. No Science-types were consulted, injured or mooned at in the making of Meet Mr Inquisitor. Right, as we are very rapidly running out of time and space, I will have to skip straight to our final question. What's the most important thing you've learned through being a member of h2g2?

I was wondering when that one would be coming... Hmm, let's think.
There's nowhere else quite like it - half the Researchers are mad, most
of the other half is insane, and so I think the only thing I can
possibly have learned from h2g2 is to deal with each thing as it comes.
When I first registered, I was scared of everything and didn't talk to
anyone for about six months. Now I'm running an h2g2 Hospital,
conducting h2g2 weddings, being a member of the Assassins' and Fools'
Guilds, ACEing, subbing when I get the time, and generally being a hoopy
frood

'Night, everyone

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Thanks to Joe C. Next time we'll have either a Frenchman in exile, HPB's bestest mate in the whole wide world ever bar none, or a girl who thinks she's a cat. Should you want to join the hallowed few who have graced this page, email Shazz, who will then pass the details on to me, proving that the middleman system exists because I can't be trusted to not just interview random inanimate objects.

Until next time, I've been Mr Inquisitor.

Happy Hootooing!

Meet Mr Inquisitor Archive

Psycorp603

with Joe C

24.06.04 Front Page

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