Star Trek's Captain Kirk and Spock have a hot date

Captain James T Kirk swung his command chair round towards Spock's control post and asked 'What time is it, Spock?'

'13.28.15.2 Captain' replied Spock.

Kirk smiled and said 'umm, about 1:30PM.'

'Well actually it's 13.28.49.11 now... Captain.'

'Ok, ok, Spock, so what time shall we tell the girls that we will be round tonight?'

'Well according to my calculations, taking into account having a shower and all that, I estimate at precisely 23:11:03.4, Captain.'

'Umm, did you include the time needed to buy some flowers and pop into the chemists?' replied Kirk with a smile on his face.

'Flowers Captain? I though we were going round for a meal so I only included the extra time needed to prepare a bottle of quick brewing homemade wine.'

Kirk shook his head and said 'Well, I always bring flowers, it helps to get them into the mood, so add that to your calculations Spock.'

'But, Captain, you cannot get emotionally involved. By the time we have eaten and washed the dishes it won't leave us much time to save the ship from being destroyed by some nasty aliens. There just isn't enough time for any hanky panky.'

'Listen Spock, if anyone needs to be saved from a nasty alien it's you! I saw them first so I am having first choice'

Spock raised his eyebrow even more than usual, then he tapped a few buttons and looked down into his monitor. After a few seconds he raised his head, turned towards Kirk and said. 'Oh, don't worry Captain, I have just tapped into the computer and the data shows that even with hanky panky you will be ready on time. A few minutes here or there won't make any difference.'

Kirk thumped his fist hard on the armrest 'I'll kill that Bones. I told him to erase that data from my medical records.'

'Oh... it's not Doctor McCoy's fault Captain. I tapped into your last date's personal dairy and, under the performance category, she has you down as: No foreplay and very fast and...'

'Ok Spock, you win. Keep this thing to yourself and I'll let you have the Blue haired one.'

'In that case Captain, can I suggest changing route so that when Earth sends its SOS message we can avoid being the closest ship in the area?'

Spock then carefully recalculated the estimated time of arrival and departure - this time taking into account the fact that he was with the blue haired one.

'Captain, according to my new calculations we should arrive at their place just before midnight-ISH and leave sometime the next morning-ISH...'

Kirk couldn't believe his ears. This was the first time that Spock had given a vague answer in his life. What was going on? Who is this blue haired girl? Is the effect she is having on his first officer dangerous or is it just a Vulcan hormonal thing...? Kirk quickly left the room and went to see if Doctor McCoy could help.

'Hello Jim, you look a bit worried. Is it because of that date? I have some pills that can help if you want...'

'No, no, Bones, I am worried about Mr Spock. He is not acting himself and I am afraid that the next time we encounter a hostile alien ship his calculations may cause the destruction of the Enterprise.'

'Now Jim, calm down. I know this date has been on your mind but, as I said, these new pills work wonders.'

'I am serious Bones. I am really worried about Spock. It's that girls fault, you know, that cute blue haired one.'

'Oh, yes, I visited her the other day. A very interesting subject. Apparently her ancestors were Vulcan's but various mixed marriages have eroded all of the Vulcan physical characteristics. The scanner showed that she has the genes of at least seven different know species and a couple of unknown ones.'

'So you think Spock's interest may be of a scientific nature?'

'Well, not exactly Jim. Think of it as a sort of sixty-something Vulcan male menapause mixed with a great body and long blue hair.'

'Thank's Bones, I feel better now. I better be getting ready for our double date.'

'Oh, Jim, before you go - I visited her friend as well. Can't go into details, medical oath etc and nothing serious, but be careful tonight...'

McCoy looked at the packet of pills he had in his hand, turned round, placed them on the counter, opened a draw, pulled out a new packet of pills, placed them into Kirk's hand and said 'Here, Jim, take a few of these on a full stomach and forget I said anything.'

Kirk left the room head down, looking a little dazed; his eyes staring at the packet of purple and green pills in his hand.

Back on the Bridge, Spock was humming the Beatle's song Yesterday. The elevator doors opened and Kirk walked out, looked at Spock and shook his head.

Spock stopped humming and said 'Captain, I have just been doing some musical research in the ships database and have come to the conclusion that The Beatles early hits could go well with the dessert.'

'I prefer something more modern. Besides, I thought that we were going to the Hologram Complex after dinner. I hear that the new Clark Gable simulation software has won 7 virtual Oscars.'

'Oh I prefer not to, Captain. I never seem to get on very well with girls there. Last time I sat in the back row with a girl I slowly let my arm slip onto the back of her chair. I then moved it towards her, she cuddled into me, I put my arm around her. I then pinched her lovingly on the shoulder and all of a sudden she passed out...'

'Ok, Spock, so what do you suggest we do after dinner and don't say play it by ear!'

Suddenly Scotty appeared on the Bridge and Jim said 'Mr Scott how many times have I told you to use the elevator like everyone else?'

'Sorry Captain, won't happen again. You and Spock go and enjoy yourselves with those lasses... oh Spock, here's a bottle of real Scotch Whiskey, I hear the blue haired lass had ancestors near Glasgow.'

Spock and Jim leave the bridge and go to their rooms to get ready for their double date.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Episode - Kirk and Spock's date turns out to be brighter and more colourful than expected.

Deeety

22.07.04 Front Page

Back Issue Page