Star Trek's Captain Kirk and Spock have a hot date

Spock knocks on Kirks door. 'Are you ready Captain?'

The door opens and Kirk, dressed in jeans and an 'I love Free Space' tee-shirt walks towards Spock and says 'See you made an effort and put on tomorrows clean uniform.'

The two walk off down the corridor. A few minutes later they arrive outside the girls room and Kirk knocks on the door three times. The door opens. The girls are already sitting at the table and they rise and invite Spock and Kirk to join them.

'Hello, Captain, Hello Mr Spock, My name is Papricatronitravulcraniuosa Smith but my friends call me Bluey for short,' said the blue haired girl.

'Hello, Captain, Hello Mr Spock, I am Electra Matinuvus Jones, but you can call me Sparkle.'

Kirk did a couple of nice to meet you's and how are you phrases, Spock gave the Vulcan finger salute and then the two officers sat at the table.

Spock opened the conversation with a classic 'Not normal to see a girl with blue hair in this sector of the universe.'

'Well, actually, the colour of my hair depends on the ships position in space. A few months ago, when we were in the Apha-5 quadrant, it was green.'

'Oh, I remember you now. You were that purple-haired girl I met at the last Christmas Party. I wondered where she had got to,' said Kirk with a bemused look on his face.

Spock moved towards her, plucked out a hair from her head, pulled out an organic analyser from his belt, did a couple of quick calculations and said. 'I think we will be calling you Orangina in a few hours.'

'Oh, dear, I hate being Orange - and it's going to spoil our date! You see, I suffer from geographical hormonal syndrome caused by the cocktail of genes in my body. My Vulcan hormones are very active at the moment. Couldn't you order the Ship to go round in circles for a few hours, Captain...'

Spock's eyes lit up. He tapped some more data into the analyser, took a quick peep out of the window and then called the Bridge and asked Scottie to input the new coordinates into the navigation computer. He then bent over and whispered into Kirks ear, 'If my calculations are correct her hair should reach the apex of blue just after coffee.'

Kirk looked towards Sparkle and asked 'How about you Sparkle? I hope you like humans. Are you human? You look human, but...'

'I am not human, but I am humanoid and nobody's complained so far,' she replied fluttering her long dark eyelashes.

'Oh, so what planet are you from, then?'

'I was born on Earth and went to a girl's school in Surrey but my parents are from Matra, a planet very similar to Earth. I am exactly like a human except for one thing, but I don't like to talk about it on a first date.'

Anyhow, the meal went wonderfully, the food was great, even Spock's wine was appreciated although Bluey preferred Mr Scott's Highland Whisky.

After the meal Spock and Kirk went off to the kitchen to do the washing up. 'You wash and I'll dry, hey Captain.'

'Don't be silly Spock. Let's just use the atomic dishwasher and get out of here before Sparkle feels obliged to show me what the difference is between her and humans.'

At that point Sparkle walks into the kitchen and says 'Hey boys, would you two like to go for a walk? I hear the hologram room is free at the moment...'

Before Kirk could think of an excuse, Spock had whisked Bluey out of the door and was halfway down the corridor leading to the hologram room.

'Just leaves you and me then, hey, Captain Baby,' whispered Sparkle.

'Oh, yes, so it does!' said Kirk.

'I feel all tired at the moment. I think I will change my mind and stay in after all. Why don't you join me on the sofa, Captain... I bet you're just bursting to find out all about me...'

Kirk tried his best to convince her that the world or even the universe may need him at any moment but, in the end, he was forced to sit on the sofa next to Sparkle. They chatted for a while about the weather and Kirk told her about the worlds he had visited and the aliens that he had punched.

'Oh,' said Sparkle, 'I bet you haven't met any like me before hey...?' She slowly lifted up her blouse to reveal her belly button and pointed to what seemed like a badly drawn tattoo.

'Oh, that's very nice. Were you in the Navy then?' said Kirk.

'It's not a tattoo, silly. Look closer.'

Kirk moved his head closer. He could see small flashing lights twinkling. Sparkle clapped her hands and the lights started to get bigger and brighter. All of a sudden Kirk was in a trance.

The door opened and Spock walked in looking a little flustered.
'Captain, the Federation has communicated that alien ships are about to attack the Earth and, even though we are light-years away, we are still the closest ship to them.'

The Captain didn't answer and so Spock slapped him a few times across the face and quickly pulled down Sparkle's blouse to conceal her twinkling belly button. Before she could say anything he gave her a shoulder pinch and dimmed her lights.

'Sorry Spock, what did you say?'

'We have got to save the Earth again, Captain.'

'Oh, ok, lets go! By the way, how did it go with Bluey?'

'Well, everything was going great. Her hair had turned so blue it was nearly pornographic. But then I got carried away, squeezed her shoulder and she passed out on me.'

Suddenly the ship rocked from side to side. All the lights started to flash. The warp drive made a slow, whining noise and after a few more seconds the ship came to a complete stop and all the lights went out...

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Next Episode - How Bluey's geographical hair and Sparkles fairy lights help save the day.

Deeety

29.07.04 Front Page

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