Strider's Sandwich Making Tips
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
A Few Sandwich Making Tips
Note: By this notice I am hearby freed from responsibility from any personal damage done to the person who reads this, if it be mustard stains on your shirt, stomachaches, headaches (or any other type of ache, in fact), cuts, scrapes, internal bleeding or massive brain damage. So There.
To Begin...
We are about to embark on making the perfect sandwich. I call it....the Perfectly Normal Sandwich (so nobody would feel suspicious about it).
The Real Beef...
OK, here's the real beef...how to make the perfect sandwich! I'm out of Perfectly Normal Beef, so we'll have to settle for Roast Beef.
Let's say we're going to make a Roast Beef sandwich on Rye with mustard, lettuce, and olives. This is my personal favorite combonation, but feel free to be a bit adventurous and try something else. Beware, the results can be disasterous!
Now, first take about three slices of good Roast Beef, about a half-inch thick each. Make absoloutly sure that they have been cleansed of any sort of fat, stringy meat, or anything else that looks unpleasent. Any of these things may ruin a perfectly wonderful sandwich and put you off the sport for good.
I Do Enjoy A Good Rye!
Take two thick, soft slices of the largest, freshest Rye you can find from your bakery and place them on the cutting board. Take a clean, smooth butter knife and put just the right amount of butter on each piece (you don't want the bread to get soggy, so don't go crazy). Some may use Margerine, but I suggest you don't, as it tastes NOTHING like butter.
Disaster Area!
Next, very carefully lay one of the slices of Roast Beef on the left slice of bread, in that order. Take a new knife out and apply as much mustard as you like (I personally use a lot). Make sure it is spread out and won't ooze out of the sandwich, messing up your hands and possibly staining your shirt.
The Good Stuff...
Then, apply another slice of Roast Beef, then apply several leaves of crisp, fresh lettuce. Make sure that they don't exceed the confines of the bread, or that special first bite may give you too much lettuce. Next, apply the final layer of Roast Beef, then CAREFULLY apply mustard, and finish off with whatever else you like on you sandwich, bar the Olives.
This Is Where It Gets Tricky!
The Olive often tends to roll off the sandwich while you eat it. The bread is often enough to stop it, but you have to be sure to reach that level of the Sandwich Goodness Zone. Cut VERY small, round pieces out of the other bread slice, but not through the actual slice. You just want to make small grooves to fit the Olives in. Finish this art of crafting, place about five to six olives, cut the whole thing in a neat half with a very sharp knife (this is where the cut hazard comes into effect) and put it on a plate.
CONGRATULATIONS!
That's it! You've just made the perfect sandwich! Get a beer/soda/iced tea/whatever to finish it off. And make sure you don't get any mustard stains on your shirt.
Note: By this notice I am hearby freed from responsibility from any personal damage done to the person who reads this, if it be mustard stains on your shirt, stomachaches, headaches (or any other type of ache, in fact), cuts, scrapes, internal bleeding or massive brain damage. So There.
To Begin...
We are about to embark on making the perfect sandwich. I call it....the Perfectly Normal Sandwich (so nobody would feel suspicious about it).
The Real Beef...
OK, here's the real beef...how to make the perfect sandwich! I'm out of Perfectly Normal Beef, so we'll have to settle for Roast Beef.
Let's say we're going to make a Roast Beef sandwich on Rye with mustard, lettuce, and olives. This is my personal favorite combonation, but feel free to be a bit adventurous and try something else. Beware, the results can be disasterous!
Now, first take about three slices of good Roast Beef, about a half-inch thick each. Make absoloutly sure that they have been cleansed of any sort of fat, stringy meat, or anything else that looks unpleasent. Any of these things may ruin a perfectly wonderful sandwich and put you off the sport for good.
I Do Enjoy A Good Rye!
Take two thick, soft slices of the largest, freshest Rye you can find from your bakery and place them on the cutting board. Take a clean, smooth butter knife and put just the right amount of butter on each piece (you don't want the bread to get soggy, so don't go crazy). Some may use Margerine, but I suggest you don't, as it tastes NOTHING like butter.
Disaster Area!
Next, very carefully lay one of the slices of Roast Beef on the left slice of bread, in that order. Take a new knife out and apply as much mustard as you like (I personally use a lot). Make sure it is spread out and won't ooze out of the sandwich, messing up your hands and possibly staining your shirt.
The Good Stuff...
Then, apply another slice of Roast Beef, then apply several leaves of crisp, fresh lettuce. Make sure that they don't exceed the confines of the bread, or that special first bite may give you too much lettuce. Next, apply the final layer of Roast Beef, then CAREFULLY apply mustard, and finish off with whatever else you like on you sandwich, bar the Olives.
This Is Where It Gets Tricky!
The Olive often tends to roll off the sandwich while you eat it. The bread is often enough to stop it, but you have to be sure to reach that level of the Sandwich Goodness Zone. Cut VERY small, round pieces out of the other bread slice, but not through the actual slice. You just want to make small grooves to fit the Olives in. Finish this art of crafting, place about five to six olives, cut the whole thing in a neat half with a very sharp knife (this is where the cut hazard comes into effect) and put it on a plate.
CONGRATULATIONS!
That's it! You've just made the perfect sandwich! Get a beer/soda/iced tea/whatever to finish it off. And make sure you don't get any mustard stains on your shirt.
