In An Office
Created | Updated Sep 14, 2008
Jude sat by the elevator, unable to reach the buttons. She'd brought a stick with her, so that she'd be able to give them a prod from her wheelchair. When she reached back for it, she found that it was not there. Perhaps some kid had taken it. Very funny. Now she was late for work, again. If someone didn't come soon she'd have to ring the office upstairs on her mobile, again, and ask someone to come down and press the button for her. Like a child: "I'm stuck on the ground floor. Can someone come and get me please?" Time was ticking away and she was reluctant to do it. She hated it: hated the helplessness, hated the feeling of dependence on anyone - but especially on unsympathetic strangers.
She reached into her pocket for the phone and made the call. Then she waited, hoping they wouldn't send Kevin. They sent Kevin. It took him ten minutes. He dawdled down the stairs, deliberately taking his time, stopped half way down the last flight, to closely examine something on a stair that she couldn't see. Nothing, she suspected. Just an excuse to take a bit longer, make her more late for work, annoy her. She hated him too. She hated him because he made it very clear that he thought she was a waste of time, space and money - a bore and an imposition on the rest of the work-force. And it tormented her to think he might be right.
Kevin got to the bottom of the stairs and gave her a cold stare.
"Forget your stick?"
"No. Someone must have lifted it."
"Humph. Right."
He pushed the lift button and started back towards the stairs.
"Wait. You'll have to push the button for the 4th floor. I can't reach that either."
He turned, tutting loudly.
The lift arrived and Jude steered her motorised chair through the door. Kevin reached round, pressed the 4th floor button, then turned and sprinted back up the stairs. He arrived before the lift and was just disappearing into the office as Jude emerged from the lift. Now she'd have to struggle with the office door. It had a strong, self-closing spring. She sighed, hating Kevin, hating this office, hating the government, hating herself.
After pushing and shoving the door for a while, she started shouting to be let in. Kevin came, smirking.
"What's the matter Jude? Need some help?"
She resisted the temptation to have a go, and sped past him, to her desk.
It was a smallish company, but big for this area. The CEO liked to fill his quota of disabled workers. It made the company look as though it had a social conscience. Jude had been 'encouraged' to get a job. There must be something you can do, they said. You use a computer don't you? If you can sit and operate your own computer, why can't you sit and operate a computer for an employer? We'll find you a job. You'll be better off financially and you'll have a sense of independence. You don't want to depend entirely on the tax-payer for the rest of your life, do you? You do want to make your own contribution, surely!
They were cutting her disability living allowance. They had the power. So here she was, surrounded by energetic young people who had no time for her and no interest in her.
Julie had been assigned as her helper, so every time she needed to go to the loo, she had to ask Julie to take her. Julie was deeply resentful. Julie was on commission, like everybody else on this floor and faffing about with a 'smelly old crip' (a description Jude had overheard from inside the cubicle one day) every couple of hours, was making a hole in her earnings.
It was a funny thing. When the illness first struck, Jude had raged against it. But it was one of those long, slow things. She kind of got used to it because it crept up slowly. The wheelchair had plunged her into depression for months. That was like a signal that the thing was absolutely real and not just a figment of her imagination or the imagination of her doctors. But she came out of that and tried to make the best of things. Jude had always been busy and energetic. She was not lazy and she was not a parasite. The attitude of other people was the thing that really depressed her. The implication that she wanted to sponge off tax-payers and just lol about like a useless lump, absorbing resources and contributing nothing, was outrageous.
If she was reluctant to hurl herself into the job market, it was not because she was lazy, it was because she was frightened and embarrassed. If she didn't admit to these hard-nosed G-men that she was frightened, it was because she couldn't show the enemy her fear. She wasn't a coward either. Her fear was quite rational and reasonable. People could now do things to her and she was unable to fight back as she once would. Being forced to depend on the good will of people who might be devoid of good will, was terrifying. If the G-men had any empathy at all, they'd understand that without needing to have it explained to them.
The job was all she feared it would be. She was here to fill a quota. In an office full of sales staff, she was given the job of sorting out their computer software problems. The same people made the same idiotic mistakes over and over again: lost their work, lost their tool bars, lost their tempers. Jude was not blessed with endless patience either, but suffering as she did, from other people's impatience, she tried very hard to maintain her composure when blasted by storms of moronic invective. She didn't always succeed. Sometime she swore back. It was the stronger, more outgoing members, like Kevin, who were most implacably set against her. The weaker personalities just avoided her. She made no friends in this hostile environment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At lunch time, when the office was almost empty, Julie came over and asked if Jude needed anything, before she popped out to get a sandwich. She asked Julie to take her to the loo. When she got back to her desk, she found a note from Ashley, the office manager, asking her to have a look at Kevin's computer. It had another virus. He'd be using a different computer in the afternoon, while she sorted it out. She groaned. Not again! How the hell did he manage it? His computer got more viruses than all the other computers on this floor put together. If he was using a different computer in the afternoon, that would almost certainly have a virus by tea-time. For some reason, he picked up the sorts of infections that the anti-virus software could find but not eliminate.
Jude was no computer expert - just happened to know more than the people in this office, and that wasn't difficult. Instead of going straight for the anti-virus software, and following all the usual steps, she decided to have a thorough rifle through the computer, in an effort to find out what Kevin could possibly be doing to cause the constant bombardment of nasty infections. It didn't take long to find a disturbing pattern of behaviour and she wondered why she hadn't delved deeper earlier. It was because it hadn't occurred to her. And because she was naive. But mainly, it was because it hadn't occurred to her.
The material she found was sick. It was truly repellent stuff. All she had to do was follow in his footsteps. The browsing history list was a revelation: two visits to his golf club, half a dozen visits to the BBC to watch football games, a few visits to youtube and google-earth. There was even a handful of legitimate sites that he'd visited. She realised that a sneer was fighting for control of her face, as she counted down the long, long list of pornographic videos he'd watched last week, yesterday, today.
It was one of those businesses where people always looked busy, whether they actually were or not. Certain people came in early and left late, in order to impress the boss with their enthusiasm and industry. They worked through their lunch hours and poured scorn on the nine-to-fivers who had responsibilities outside work. Kevin was one of those who arrived early and left late. He boasted loudly to anyone who would listen, about all the hours he worked. Now Jude knew what he was really doing before the rest of them arrived for work and after everyone else had gone home. The sneer won control. The man who tried to make her feel like a parasite was, in fact, a parasite. She could have laughed out loud.
Instead, in a moment of malice, she took a screen print and sent copies to the CEO, Kevin's line manager, the office manager, Kevin, Kevin's wife (whose email address she found on the computer) and her own personal email address.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Afterwards, she wasn't sure whether she'd done the right thing. She agonised about it and thought people would hate her even more now. But then, she just couldn't help herself. She disliked Kevin so very much. He'd made her life a misery in the short time she'd worked for the company.
Her doubts started to subside the next day, when Julie smiled at her and told her Kevin had gone. The taste of revenge improved. It was only that regrettable email to Kevin's wife that still bothered her. And even that more solid nugget of guilt, began to soften and fade after a while.
People started being nice to her: showing her kindness and consideration. Without Kevin's constant sly ridicule and disdain, undermining her confidence and the confidence of other people in her ability to do the job, the atmosphere had changed. People saw that she was a useful member of the team and not just a burden imposed on them by management.
Jude felt a new excitement and eagerness. The office no longer felt like a hostile environment. Job satisfaction became a reality. She wanted to learn to do her job better. All of a sudden, life didn't feel like a life sentence any more.
She reached into her pocket for the phone and made the call. Then she waited, hoping they wouldn't send Kevin. They sent Kevin. It took him ten minutes. He dawdled down the stairs, deliberately taking his time, stopped half way down the last flight, to closely examine something on a stair that she couldn't see. Nothing, she suspected. Just an excuse to take a bit longer, make her more late for work, annoy her. She hated him too. She hated him because he made it very clear that he thought she was a waste of time, space and money - a bore and an imposition on the rest of the work-force. And it tormented her to think he might be right.
Kevin got to the bottom of the stairs and gave her a cold stare.
"Forget your stick?"
"No. Someone must have lifted it."
"Humph. Right."
He pushed the lift button and started back towards the stairs.
"Wait. You'll have to push the button for the 4th floor. I can't reach that either."
He turned, tutting loudly.
The lift arrived and Jude steered her motorised chair through the door. Kevin reached round, pressed the 4th floor button, then turned and sprinted back up the stairs. He arrived before the lift and was just disappearing into the office as Jude emerged from the lift. Now she'd have to struggle with the office door. It had a strong, self-closing spring. She sighed, hating Kevin, hating this office, hating the government, hating herself.
After pushing and shoving the door for a while, she started shouting to be let in. Kevin came, smirking.
"What's the matter Jude? Need some help?"
She resisted the temptation to have a go, and sped past him, to her desk.
It was a smallish company, but big for this area. The CEO liked to fill his quota of disabled workers. It made the company look as though it had a social conscience. Jude had been 'encouraged' to get a job. There must be something you can do, they said. You use a computer don't you? If you can sit and operate your own computer, why can't you sit and operate a computer for an employer? We'll find you a job. You'll be better off financially and you'll have a sense of independence. You don't want to depend entirely on the tax-payer for the rest of your life, do you? You do want to make your own contribution, surely!
They were cutting her disability living allowance. They had the power. So here she was, surrounded by energetic young people who had no time for her and no interest in her.
Julie had been assigned as her helper, so every time she needed to go to the loo, she had to ask Julie to take her. Julie was deeply resentful. Julie was on commission, like everybody else on this floor and faffing about with a 'smelly old crip' (a description Jude had overheard from inside the cubicle one day) every couple of hours, was making a hole in her earnings.
It was a funny thing. When the illness first struck, Jude had raged against it. But it was one of those long, slow things. She kind of got used to it because it crept up slowly. The wheelchair had plunged her into depression for months. That was like a signal that the thing was absolutely real and not just a figment of her imagination or the imagination of her doctors. But she came out of that and tried to make the best of things. Jude had always been busy and energetic. She was not lazy and she was not a parasite. The attitude of other people was the thing that really depressed her. The implication that she wanted to sponge off tax-payers and just lol about like a useless lump, absorbing resources and contributing nothing, was outrageous.
If she was reluctant to hurl herself into the job market, it was not because she was lazy, it was because she was frightened and embarrassed. If she didn't admit to these hard-nosed G-men that she was frightened, it was because she couldn't show the enemy her fear. She wasn't a coward either. Her fear was quite rational and reasonable. People could now do things to her and she was unable to fight back as she once would. Being forced to depend on the good will of people who might be devoid of good will, was terrifying. If the G-men had any empathy at all, they'd understand that without needing to have it explained to them.
The job was all she feared it would be. She was here to fill a quota. In an office full of sales staff, she was given the job of sorting out their computer software problems. The same people made the same idiotic mistakes over and over again: lost their work, lost their tool bars, lost their tempers. Jude was not blessed with endless patience either, but suffering as she did, from other people's impatience, she tried very hard to maintain her composure when blasted by storms of moronic invective. She didn't always succeed. Sometime she swore back. It was the stronger, more outgoing members, like Kevin, who were most implacably set against her. The weaker personalities just avoided her. She made no friends in this hostile environment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At lunch time, when the office was almost empty, Julie came over and asked if Jude needed anything, before she popped out to get a sandwich. She asked Julie to take her to the loo. When she got back to her desk, she found a note from Ashley, the office manager, asking her to have a look at Kevin's computer. It had another virus. He'd be using a different computer in the afternoon, while she sorted it out. She groaned. Not again! How the hell did he manage it? His computer got more viruses than all the other computers on this floor put together. If he was using a different computer in the afternoon, that would almost certainly have a virus by tea-time. For some reason, he picked up the sorts of infections that the anti-virus software could find but not eliminate.
Jude was no computer expert - just happened to know more than the people in this office, and that wasn't difficult. Instead of going straight for the anti-virus software, and following all the usual steps, she decided to have a thorough rifle through the computer, in an effort to find out what Kevin could possibly be doing to cause the constant bombardment of nasty infections. It didn't take long to find a disturbing pattern of behaviour and she wondered why she hadn't delved deeper earlier. It was because it hadn't occurred to her. And because she was naive. But mainly, it was because it hadn't occurred to her.
The material she found was sick. It was truly repellent stuff. All she had to do was follow in his footsteps. The browsing history list was a revelation: two visits to his golf club, half a dozen visits to the BBC to watch football games, a few visits to youtube and google-earth. There was even a handful of legitimate sites that he'd visited. She realised that a sneer was fighting for control of her face, as she counted down the long, long list of pornographic videos he'd watched last week, yesterday, today.
It was one of those businesses where people always looked busy, whether they actually were or not. Certain people came in early and left late, in order to impress the boss with their enthusiasm and industry. They worked through their lunch hours and poured scorn on the nine-to-fivers who had responsibilities outside work. Kevin was one of those who arrived early and left late. He boasted loudly to anyone who would listen, about all the hours he worked. Now Jude knew what he was really doing before the rest of them arrived for work and after everyone else had gone home. The sneer won control. The man who tried to make her feel like a parasite was, in fact, a parasite. She could have laughed out loud.
Instead, in a moment of malice, she took a screen print and sent copies to the CEO, Kevin's line manager, the office manager, Kevin, Kevin's wife (whose email address she found on the computer) and her own personal email address.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Afterwards, she wasn't sure whether she'd done the right thing. She agonised about it and thought people would hate her even more now. But then, she just couldn't help herself. She disliked Kevin so very much. He'd made her life a misery in the short time she'd worked for the company.
Her doubts started to subside the next day, when Julie smiled at her and told her Kevin had gone. The taste of revenge improved. It was only that regrettable email to Kevin's wife that still bothered her. And even that more solid nugget of guilt, began to soften and fade after a while.
People started being nice to her: showing her kindness and consideration. Without Kevin's constant sly ridicule and disdain, undermining her confidence and the confidence of other people in her ability to do the job, the atmosphere had changed. People saw that she was a useful member of the team and not just a burden imposed on them by management.
Jude felt a new excitement and eagerness. The office no longer felt like a hostile environment. Job satisfaction became a reality. She wanted to learn to do her job better. All of a sudden, life didn't feel like a life sentence any more.
