A Sitting Room in Middle England

No, Wayne dear, she's not the oldest woman in the world

Though hearing Dimbleby go on, you'd think so.

She's our Queens's Mum and Queen of Mums, she made her what she is,

I only wish their Margaret wouldn't drink so.

No, Wayne, there's no Queen Dad, that's not how royal families work

They DO work, Barry, no more of your lip!

They open things and give out medals, and they walk about -

Though she can't now, of course, what with her hip.

No, Wayne, he's the Queen's husband - yes, I know he's called a Prince

He isn't King because... well, he's just not.

His job's insulting foreigners, and conservation work -

Though that's rich after all the birds he's shot!

No Wayne, that's Princess Anne, or should I say the Princess Royal

Why can't they get along with just one name?

It's like they did with Winscale when they called it Sellafield -

I only hope the reason's not the same!

No Wayne, she's not the one whose car went upside down and crashed

That was poor Lady Di, our English Rose.

The Queen Mum planned her marriage to the Prince of Wales, they say,

So even she's not perfect, I suppose.

No Wayne, you can't turn over, this is history, you know

You'll tell your children's kids about today

Oh, wait a minute, blimey, is it really ten to two?

We've missed the first half of Home and Away!