Nine Years In The Life
Created | Updated Dec 17, 2010
Nine Years in the Life
When The Post marked its eighth birthday, I fancifully wrote about a number of things that you could achieve in that period of time, if you put your mind to it. Now it's turned nine, I've delved into the history books for a few more unusual, yet thoroughly useless facts on what others have done with nine years at their disposal.
Wage war
We seem to have wars named after any period of time you could care to mention, and two of these are popularly known as the 'Nine Years War'. Both, perhaps unsurprisingly, feature the British. The more famous of the two is also known as the 'War of the Grand Alliance' or the 'War of the English Succession'. This was a power struggle between Louis XIV of France and William III of Britain between 1689 and 1697.
More interesting is an earlier Anglo-Irish conflict between April 1593 and March 1603 - in fact, one more month of fighting and it would have been the Ten Years War. Also known as 'Tyrone's Rebellion', this uprising against British rule was instigated by Hugh O'Neill, 2nd Earl of Tyrone. Victories on the Irish side included the wonderfully-named Battle of the Ford of the Biscuits, in 1594.
Live in exile
Nine years is quite a popular length of time to live outside your country. In 1971, Ugandan Prime Minister Milton Obote was overthrown by Idi Amin. He eventually returned in 1980 to establish a multi-party democracy, before being deposed in yet another military coup in 1985.
Before King Charles II of England took the throne, he too had been exiled for nine years, having been being defeated by Cromwell's forces at the Battle of Worcester in 1651. He was restored after Cromwell's regime collapsed.
Do porridge
Jeremy Jaynes of North Carolina was the first serial spammer to be sent to the slammer in April, 2005 under new United States laws prohibiting bulk e-mails. He can happily serve out his nine year sentence offering his cellmates his own brand of personal cosmetic surgery services and bogus work-from-home schemes.
Meditate
Zen Buddhism originated with the 5th Century monk, Bodhidharma, who, it is said, reached enlightenment by silent meditation. In his particular case, he achieved this by sitting motionless for nine years, gazing at a wall. We are fortunate in the modern era that we can achieve this in far less time by watching reality TV.
Get the right photo
Swede Goran Ehlme's shot of a walrus feeding on clams on the sea bed took the filmmaker nine years to obtain. He can now call himself the 2006 Shell Wildlife Photographer of the Year, and can proudly say 'I am the Walrus (photographer)'.
Invade France
Anyone who has read Asterix will be aware of the plucky inhabitants of one Gallic village who repel the might of Julius Caesar's Roman invasion, using brute force derived from a secret herbal potion. You may not know, however that it was based upon fact. Now, we're not saying that some little moutachioed guy in a winged helmet and an obese, pig-tailed, wild-boar-eating giant in stripy trousers did all the damage, but there was indeed a Gallic War, and it lasted for nine years, from 61 to 50 BC.
Asterix himself may have been modelled on the warrior Vercingetorix, who put up the fiercest resistance in 52 BC. Caesar's own commentaries on the Gallic War describe the customs of the Gauls and the Druids.
Write a poem
The Roman tribune and poet Caius Helvius Cinna's (c.70-44 BC) claim to fame was his Latin epic poem Smyrna (or Zmyrna), which describes the myth of Myrrha and Adonis. He took nine painstaking years to get those hexameters perfectly aligned. Indeed the result was so beautiful that a tearful Catullus (another poet) predicted it would be immortal. Sadly only three lines survive today, so we'd better keep a close watch on what's left.
Qualify for the Senate
If you became a citizen of the United States when the h2g2 Post was first published, then you will only now have qualified to run for Senator. You will also need to be 30 years old, as well as a resident of the state which you intend to represent. The qualifications are slightly less for the House of Representatives: it's 25 years of age and 7 years citizenship.
Lie dead while someone installs your telescope
American Astrophysicist George Ellery Hale (1868-1938) wanted to build the biggest telescope the world had ever seen, and spent 40 years of his working life designing bigger and better instruments. His last 11 years were dedicated to his masterpiece, a massive 200-inch reflector telescope, partly funded by the Rockefeller Foundation. The mirror used 65 tons of molten Pyrex, which took an astonishing 10 months to cool down.
Sadly, Hale had been dead for nine years before the construction was complete. The Hale Telescope was installed in 1948 at the Palomar Observatory in California. It's no longer the largest, but many agree it was the finest terrestrial telescope ever constructed. [That's enough useless facts - Ed]
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