Look, I promise: I'll try not to make a habit of this. But, for the second week in succession, I feel compelled to say something nice about the UK government. They have done something eminently sensible, for which they have been much criticised. They have decided to make it possible for any UK citizen over the age of 16 to buy the 'morning-after' contraceptive pill from pharmacies, without the need for a doctor's prescription. .

Predictably, some have suggested that this move will bring about Britain's final moral collapse. Ann Widdecombe, British politics' one-woman Religious Right, has grumbled:
'It doesn't at all fit in with my moral view as to what should happen... It must always be in a woman's interest to consult her own doctor.'

There's no great surprise in that first statement. After all, the last 50 years of Western life haven't fitted in with Ms Widdecombe's moral view as to what should happen; but most of the rest of us are still living in the year 2000.

As for her second statement, perhaps the kindest thing that can be said is that it reflects the level of insight into sexual matters that one might expect from a woman who boasts about being a middle-aged virgin.

To be effective, the 'morning-after' pill has to be taken within 72 hours of the event that renders it necessary. Anyone who has used Britain's National Health Service and tried to get an appointment to see a doctor quickly will immediately appreciate the first problem here. I've had to wait for over a week to see my GP on occasions. True, if in need of this particular treatment one could rightly claim to be an emergency case... but imagine the embarrassment of trying to explain the nature of the emergency to the doctor's receptionist.

Let's face it, the need for the treatment is likely to arise in severely blush-inducing circumstances: after a moment of reckless passion, or one of those occasions when a condom fails to stay in place. Would you really want to have to explain such a sequence of events to a stranger, or to the same person you'd be seeing the following month for a 'flu inoculation? Far better to let a quick trip to the local chemist take care of it.

I suspect that it is the comparative ease and simplicity of this response to such a crisis that really troubles Ms Widdecombe and the various other 'family values' campaigners who have criticised the government's move. They'd rather there were more unwanted pregnancies than that people should be able to sin without suffering afterwards.

But as far as I can see, there's only one thing wrong with this particular government initiative, and that is that it didn't happen quickly enough. The new legislation comes into pills comes into force on January 1, and the pills are expected to in the nation's pharmacies around a month later. Just too late, in other words, to catch the fall-out from this year's Christmas and New Year parties - but nonetheless, better late than never.

When the Soviet bloc collapsed and Russia gained its independence, one of the first things the new nation dispensed with was the old Soviet national anthem. But old patriotic habits die hard, and the new anthem never really caught on; so Russia's elected representatives recently voted to restore the stirring old anthem.

In fact, they've gone further. In a bid to increase patriotic fervour, the Russian government recently passed a law compelling the state television channels to play the anthem twice a day, at 6am and midnight.

Originally, the plan had been to compel all Russian TV channels to follow suit. But this scheme was quietly shelved after it was realised that some of the privately-run channels had a habit of running porn shows at midnight.

Explaining the problem to the Duma, Russia's lower house of representitives, former justice minister Pavel Krasheninikov understated:
'Programmes broadcast at midnight often have very little political content.'

Once his colleagues had recovered from this revelation, he continued:
'You get shows which shouldn't be shown to children. Imagine interrupting such a programme at midnight. It's absurd.'

One Communist party representative, Alexander Saliy, begged to differ, thundering:
'If the anthem interrupts a show of this sort at midnight, let's adopt a law banning such shows at that time. They must show respect for the state.'

Clearly, here was a difficult dilemma. Perhaps the Duma could have commissioned a series of patriotic erotic films, in which the participants interrupted what they were doing at 12pm in order to stand for the anthem before getting back down to business.

However, in the end the simpler solution of limiting the compulsory anthem-playing to the state channels was adopted. Probably a wise move. After all, anthems are meant to stir passions, not dampen them.

Finally, a heartwarming seasonal tale. When British children visit Santa Claus in his department-store grotto this year, they may find that the old fellow seems a little jollier than in previous years. His elves, too may have a rosier glow to their cheeks than before. Why? Because now Father Christmas and his helpers are getting the national minimum wage.

According to a report by analysts Industrial Relations Services, Father Christmas has traditionally been rather poorly rewarded for his efforts by store owners. Now, he has a little more to ho-ho-ho about, following a crackdown on Scrooge-like employers.

However, the report also points out that there is a north-south divide for Santas just as there is in so many other areas of British life. A Santa in London and the south-east is likely to earn around £8 per hour. Those in northern England typically take £5 an hour home from the grotto. Poorest of all are the McClaus clan in Scotland, who often end up with the statutory minimum of £3.70 per hour. Elves tend to be even worse off, earning £5 at most for their efforts even in the prosperous areas, and the standard minimum elsewhere.

The report proudly concludes: 'Father Christmas is alive and well-and thanks to the national minimum wage, he's no longer being exploited.'

Well, maybe, but he's hardly being lavishly rewarded either, particularly if he's a Caledonian Claus. Perhaps the kids should bring him gifts for a change? After all, he has all those reindeer to feed...

Ormondroyd

11.12.00. Front Page

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