SHOULD I start this column with an expletive-laden, furious rant? If a new survey is to be believed, it'd be the modern British thing to do. Once, we Brits had a reputation for cool, calm, undemonstrative behaviour. That reputation may or may not have been justified; but either way, it seems that we've certainly lost our collective cool now.

The survey, carried out by ICM for a BBC TV show aptly named 'On The Edge', reveals that 80 per cent of my compatriots believe Britain to be an angrier place than it was a decade ago. 12 per cent of those polled admitted to losing their tempers at least once a day. Unsurprisingly, perhaps, this figure rose to 25 per cent among those with school-age children.

But it was the youngest respondents who were the most likely to consider turning to violence. More than a quarter of those in the 18 to 24 age group admitted to having contemplated taking physical revenge on those who angered them.

So, what has annoyed us all so much? My own experiences lead me to suspect the malign influence of 'modern' management techniques at places of work. It's hard not to end up seething if you're constantly being bullied into producing more and more for no extra reward. Unpaid overtime doesn't help anyone's temper.

However, here's an interesting theory from one of those interviewed for the BBC show: Ellis Cashmore, professor of culture at Staffordshire University. She expressed particular concern about the statistics regarding pressures on parents, and commented:
'One reason may be that children are being encouraged to grow up younger, and are 'marketed' mercilessly. This is leading them to place excessive demands on their parents, and they're discovering 'pester power' as early as two years old.'

Now this I can well believe. I often get irritated by the endless marketing aimed at children - and I haven't got any offspring of my own! So if even I get sick of the sight of Pokemon in all its myriad manifestations, I can imagine with a shudder what it must be like having a small fan rushing around your home squeaking the catchphrases and constantly demanding yet more merchandise. ('Gotta catch 'em all'? I'd love to. With a flamethrower.)

And as if we weren't all already irritable enough, it's now widely expected that there'll be a General Election in Britain in the spring. It'd be interesting to hear the rival parties address the questions posed by this rising discontent; but I suspect that they'll just add to it, hurling insults at each other to distract attention from the fact of how similar their policies really are.

Enough to make you furious, isn't it?

Researchers in some parts of Scotland and northern England will perhaps be familiar with that local delicacy and nutritionist's nightmare, the deep-fried Mars bar - a chocolate-based concoction so packed with calories and cholesterol that regular consumption amounts to a suicide bid by instalments.

Now, an enterprising Ukrainian confectionery company has scored a hit with a new chocolate bar whose name is undeniably accurate, if a little unimaginative. It translates as 'Fat In Chocolate', and that's exactly what the product is: a bar of salted pork fat encased in chocolate. The bars are apparently very sweet, although the centre reportedly retains a subtle salty flavour.

The inspiration for this extraordinary sweet treat comes from a Ukrainian dish that is apparently as much of a national institution as Germany's sausages, France's onion soup or Britain's fish and chips: salo, a dish made from salted pork fat, usually consumed with vodka and pickles.

AO Odessa - the company responsible for the new hit snack - admit that their product is really meant as a joke. It can be eaten without appreciable ill-effects, but it's really meant as a whimsical novelty item, and has been appreciated as such by younger Ukrainians who have shaken off some of their homeland's quainter culinary traditions.

Even so, it make you wonder what might be next. Candy-coated pizza from Italy, perhaps? Chocolate-covered herring from Holland? The stomach boggles....

I've always wanted to be able to use a headline like that!

Unfortunately, this is a sad story about a man who gave his all for a good cause, only to find himself in trouble because of it.

Father Olan Rynn of Salthill, Co. Galway, Ireland, recently had his picture taken for a calendar featuring pictures of local celebrities, which was to be sold with proceeds going to research into cerebral palsy and cancer in children. An unimpeachably worthy act, one might think: but there was just one complication. All the models in the calendar were semi-nude; and the picture of Father Rynn showed him wearing nothing but his clerical dog-collar.

The picture was tastefully posed, with Fr. Rynn sitting cross-legged in a leather armchair, a carefully-placed Bible maintaining his modesty. But the Bishop of Galway, Dr. James McLoughlin, still played holy war when he heard about it. It appears that Fr. Rynn had asked for his permission to appear in the calendar, but had omitted to mention that he'd be disrobing for the occasion.

In a statement, the Bishop raged:
'I did not appreciate the type of calendar which was envisaged and, thinking it to be a straightforward fund-raising project, I gave Fr. Rynn permission to participate in this venture. On reading a report in a local newspaper, I was surprised and dismayed to discover what the actual content of the calendar was going to be. As it is clearly inappropriate for a priest to appear in such a calendar, I immediately approached the promoters of the project to discuss the matter with them. They have graciously agreed to withdraw the photograph of father Rynn from the calendar.'

Not satisfied with this, the Bishop demanded an apology from Fr. Rynn, which was read at masses in the Salthill parish. In it, Fr. Rynn said:
'On reflection, I made an error of judgement, albeit with the best of intentions - to help raise funds for research in the area of child cancer and cerebral palsy.'

I don't agree. The error of judgement is surely on the part of the Bishop, whose humourless response to a well-intentioned bit of fun sent a message saying that human bodies are so shameful that they must always be hidden no matter what, and has presumably caused much inconvenience to a good cause.

Isn't there something in that book Fr. Rynn posed with about faith, hope and charity - and the greatest of these being charity?

Finally, some news of research that will gladden the hearts of many an h2g2 Researcher. Scientists at the University of California are currently working towards the drinker's Holy Grail: a reliable cure for hangovers.

Research so far has confirmed that hangovers have similar symptoms to 'flu, and that they are caused by 'by-products of fermentation' - something many of us could have told them from recent experience. However, the human body is better at battling these 'by-products of fermentation' then it is at conquering the 'flu virus, hence the fact that you can usually get over a hangover in one day. (The 'by-products' are believed to go by a number of different names, including 'the usual' and 'my round.') It's also been ascertained that darker alcohols cause worse hangovers than clear ones - which sounds like bad news for Guinness enthusiasts.

The researchers' spokesman, Dr. Michael Shlipak, enthuses:
'If someone could cure hangovers, there's no doubt it could make millions.'

I'll drink to that. Here's to the advancement of science!

Ormondroyd

08.01.01. Front Page

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