The Disposal of Toenail Clippings
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
This is a rather curious subject, one an entire book could be written upon, I imagine. Almost everyone I come into contact with has fingernails and toenails. (Not counting fellow aliens. I am refering to the humans.) These nails require matinence, as they can grow to enormous lenghs if left unattended.
NUMBER ONE, the removal of these nails. This can occur anywhere, be it whilst driving, talking, in a crowded theatre, at a rock concert, on a boat, in a burning house, this can be done anywhere. There are two main ways to remove excess nail. One is by using clippers, a strange metal apparatus used to cut off the fingernail or toenail. The other process is by biting them off, using ones teeth. The people that do this refuse for the most part to admit that they do such a thing. It has been done in my presence before, a human took off his footwear and proceded to bite the toenails off and spit them to the floor.
Which brings us to NUMBER TWO. What should be done with the small pile of fingernails, toenails and whatnot when removal is complete? Some people throw them to the ground, alowing their carpet to be coated with chunks of their own body. With people like this, it amazes me that the accumilation of nails on the ground has not completely covered the floor. Other methods include throwing them in a trashcan, flushing them down the toilet, giving them to those who are poor in the fingernail or toenail department, and, of course, eating them. Those who bite them off, those disgusting creatures prefer often to chew and swallow medium sized portions of their OWN BODIES!!! This is an interesting thing to watch, rather remarkable.
On a whole, this subject is one that makes for excelent after-dinner conversation. After eating an elegant and plesant candlelit meal, ask your dinner companion (be it male, female, Vogon [actually, would a Vogon ever have an elegant and pleasent candlelit dinner? This is a topic I shall tackle later on!] or absolutely genderless) what it does to it's fingernail clippings after removal, and I can guarantee a night filled with fun converssation. Along with you probably getting shot.
NUMBER ONE, the removal of these nails. This can occur anywhere, be it whilst driving, talking, in a crowded theatre, at a rock concert, on a boat, in a burning house, this can be done anywhere. There are two main ways to remove excess nail. One is by using clippers, a strange metal apparatus used to cut off the fingernail or toenail. The other process is by biting them off, using ones teeth. The people that do this refuse for the most part to admit that they do such a thing. It has been done in my presence before, a human took off his footwear and proceded to bite the toenails off and spit them to the floor.
Which brings us to NUMBER TWO. What should be done with the small pile of fingernails, toenails and whatnot when removal is complete? Some people throw them to the ground, alowing their carpet to be coated with chunks of their own body. With people like this, it amazes me that the accumilation of nails on the ground has not completely covered the floor. Other methods include throwing them in a trashcan, flushing them down the toilet, giving them to those who are poor in the fingernail or toenail department, and, of course, eating them. Those who bite them off, those disgusting creatures prefer often to chew and swallow medium sized portions of their OWN BODIES!!! This is an interesting thing to watch, rather remarkable.
On a whole, this subject is one that makes for excelent after-dinner conversation. After eating an elegant and plesant candlelit meal, ask your dinner companion (be it male, female, Vogon [actually, would a Vogon ever have an elegant and pleasent candlelit dinner? This is a topic I shall tackle later on!] or absolutely genderless) what it does to it's fingernail clippings after removal, and I can guarantee a night filled with fun converssation. Along with you probably getting shot.
