I feel sorry for Jenna Bush. It can't be easy knowing that most of the world despises and ridicules your Dad. Understandably, Jenna wants to drown her sorrows - but thanks to draconian laws passed by you-know-who, she is now just one under-age drinking offence away from a mandatory prison sentence.

Well, I've got an offer for her. Come to Bradford, Jenna, and I'll show you around some bars where 19-year-olds are at full legal liberty to drink until either time, funds or consciousness run out. I'm not sure whether you could get margaritas, but Budweiser is widely available here, and I'm sure you could soon get used to Bacardi Breezers or pints of bitter.

Then we could go for a curry - and that way, by the end of the evening, you'd probably know more about both Europe and Asia than your Dad appears to. No offence, Jenna, but he does get a bit confused about geography, you know. When he was inaugurated as President, a class of children from the Oakhill School in Blackburn, Lancashire, UK, sent him a letter of congratulation. They've just got a letter back from the White House in which he addresses them as 'Young Americans'.

Sadly, I doubt that GWB will be getting many friendly messages from this side of the pond now. It takes a special kind of statesmanship to alienate an entire continent with just one visit, but this is what Bush has achieved. His flat refusal to consider committing the USA to the relatively modest cuts in carbon emissions proposed in the Kyoto protocol was widely expected, but has nevertheless been greeted with deep dismay by environmentalists. The reaction was neatly summed up by Michel Raquet of the ecological group Greenpeace:
'George Bush has shown his blatant disregard for the rest of the world's attempts to save the climate.'

And what does George have to say in response?
'This is an issue that I know is very important to the nations of Europe... The Earth's well-being is also an issue important to America.'

So Bush has noticed that we all live on the same planet. It's a start, I suppose. But he insists that attempting to make cuts in that hefty percentage of the world's carbon emissions for which the USA is responsible would not be in the interests of the American economy - as though a strong economy could mean anything on a ruined planet.

From what I hear, this suicidal form of "patriotism" has played pretty well in some parts of the American media - although Internet discussions I've seen, here and elsewhere, have been full of horrified Americans distancing themselves from their President's actions and attitudes. Meanwhile, here on h2g2, one Researcher - George "the babbling" Brooke - changed his h2g2 nickname as a result of Bush's visit. He thought it was a bad time to be a George B.

Bush says that he thinks it's unfair that China hasn't been called upon to sign the Kyoto treaty. He insists that further research into global warming must be carried out before he'll contemplate committing American business to any anti-pollution initiatives, as if the issue of global warming hadn't already been one of the most urgent items on the international scientific agenda for ages now. In short, while paying lip-service to environmental concerns, when it comes to the crunch the President procrastinates. And you hardly have to be a paranoid conspiracy theorist to suspect that this may perhaps be something to do with the fact that the American fossil fuel industry footed much of the bill for the campaign that enabled Bush to win - or, at least, acquire - the Presidency.

I have felt for some time that if politicians are going to accept large donations from corporate vested interests, then they ought to wear the logos of their sponsors at all times when on professional business, just as sports stars do. If, every time we saw Dubya, we saw the logos of petrochemical corporations sewn on to his suit, it would help to put his words in context and make them more understandable. We'd constantly be reminded about whose interests he was really representing. Perhaps the corporations would pay for the privilege! That idea would surely appeal to Tony Blair, keen as he is on private investment in the public sector!

Ah well, no point in getting bitter about all this - although, if nothing is done about global warming, we'll all be getting hot and bothered. Remember my offer, Jenna - and if anyone overhears your name and says they think you look oddly familiar, we'll tell 'em that you're Kate Bush's American niece and that you're a budding pop star.

Given that Britain has just acquired a Home Secretary of notoriously illiberal views in David Blunkett, it's all the more gratifying to witness an intelligent initiative from the Metropolitan Police in London.

Police in Brixton are to issue anyone found with a small amount of cannabis with an on-the-spot warning, and confiscate their stash. And that'll be the end of the matter. The smoker will not be arrested, and will not taken to a police station for an interview or a formal warning.

Britain's most senior police officer, Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir John Stevens, has supported the plan, describing it as 'an innovative step'. The logic behind it is simple. The new procedure will take a police officer perhaps 10 minutes from start to finish. Putting the smoker through the full rigours of the law in the old-fashioned way ties an officer up in procedure and paperwork for up to 10 hours. Quite simply, from the police's point of view, it's more trouble than it's worth.

Stevens was at pains to point out that this did not mean that the Met were going soft.
'We are not turning a blind eye to crime but we have to prioritise,'

he said.
'Possession and use of cannabis is not a priority.'

This slim shaft of light in a dark area isn't much, but it's something. And it's such self-evident common sense that not a single politician's voice has been heard in protest.

Would that such good sense could be allowed to spread further in the field of public policy. As Channel 4's courageous "Drugs Laws Don’'t Work" series has been vividly illustrating, the War On Drugs policy that governments around the world seem to feel compelled to pursue is a dangerous nonsense. Prohibition on drugs has no more stopped drug consumption than the alcohol prohibition that was once attempted in America stopped the booze bootleggers. All it does is to put a vastly lucrative trade into the hands of criminals, the worst of whom are more than willing to mix their merchandise with any other dangerous substance that comes to hand. So sick people suffering from the disease of addiction end up dying from a dose of heroin laced with rat poison, or stealing to feed their habit when they should be getting treatment for their illness - including, where necessary, "clean" and legally prescribed drugs.

The recreational use of soft drugs is just that: recreation. Addiction to hard drugs is a disease. When those simple facts are used as the basis of public policy, then less lives will be needlessly lost - and police forces all over the world will be able to use their time more productively.

When I was a small schoolboy, the British government used to provide free milk for schoolchildren. This policy was discontinued by an ambitious Education Secretary in the Conservative government of the early Seventies, who thus earned the nickname "Margaret Thatcher, milk snatcher".

Now, I hear of an interesting variation on that policy being tried out at a school in Belgium. The Society of Belgian Beer Lovers has written to 30 schools in the Limburg area, asking them to serve low-alcohol beer with school lunches.

The society's spokesman Ronny Langenaeken has claimed that low-alcohol beer might be better for children than high-sugar fruit drinks.

He said:
'It's good for their figure and very healthy as well. There is no need to think students will be drunk in the classroom - the beer hardly contains any alcohol and the children would only get one glass each.'

From personal experience, I must say that I'm not altogether convinced by that bit about beer being good for the figure. But it does seem that the first experiment has been a success. Following a pilot project at one school, roughly 80 per cent of the students told researchers that they'd enjoyed drinking beer with their lunch.

The percentage who told the researchers: "You're my besht friend, you are", or asked whose round it was, has not been recorded.

Finally, those old painted devils Kiss have come up with a novel promotional item for fans who want to rock after they drop. The veteran rockers' website is now offering what singer Gene Simmons has described as "The ultimate Kiss collectible".

It's a Kiss coffin - or, as they prefer to put it, a "Kiss Kasket".

The "Kiss Kasket" doesn't come cheap, retailing at around £2,850. But it is an eye-catching item, covered with artwork depicting the faces of the band members in full stage make-up, replica autographs, the Kiss logo and a picture of the crowd at a Kiss concert.

What's more, the refrigerated casket can double as a drinks cooler.

Simmons has enthused:
'I love livin' but this makes the alternative look pretty damn good.'

Sort of brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "death metal", doesn't it?

Ormondroyd

21.06.01. Front Page

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