What we call the the Seven Deadly Sins  –

• Superbia: Pride
• Avaritia: Avarice
• Luxuria: Lust
• Ira: Anger
• Gula: Gluttony
• Invidia: Envy
• Acedia: Sloth

– aren't actually sins in classical Roman Catholic Catechism, but 'merely' vices, which are often the roots of the 'real' deadly sins, like murder or adultery. Now I don't know about English, but in German all of them have not just one, but several definitions; for instance 'pride' is not only Hochmut, but also Übermut (mischief), Eitelkeit (vanity) and Ruhmsucht (thirst for glory), and another translation of 'pride' is Stolz.

Let's pick one and have a look at 'pride' and its counterpart. If you search for proverbs containing the word pride, you'll find a great variety from countries all over the world, and the Bible has a whole list of them. To mention just two of the proverbs which are very well known in Germany¹, we have:

Pride comes before a fall

and

Meekness is the pride of the humble.

Now you'd think that pride is something very bad, yet nobody seems to mind if people are proud of their achievements, or their children, for instance. So there is 'pride' (Hochmut) which is a sin, and 'pride' (Stolz) which isn't, and is accepted as something right in small doses.

What about pride's counterpart then, modesty?
This is where it gets interesting. A very popular poem to write in a little German girl's   Poesiealbum² is the following:

Sei wie das Veilchen im Moose,

bescheiden, sittsam und rein

und nicht wie die stolze Rose,

die immer bewundert will sein.

[Be like the violet in the moss

modest, demure and pure

and not like the proud rose

which always wants to be admired.]

Note: it's nearly always (if not exclusively) girls who are told³ to be modest, from very early on. The Oxford English Dictionary says for 'demure':

... (of a woman) reserved, modest, and shy.

Whether girls are told to avert their eyes, not to speak out loudly, not to walk in long strides, to 'know where their place is'... the list is endless, and punishment for breaking the rules was severe. Independent, knowledgeable women were hunted and burnt as witches, women who spoke out – or even spoke at all – were made to wear a scold's bridle and were submitted to whatever else men had thought up as 'educative' means. Even nowadays, where girls⁴ are encouraged to learn and have a career, those women who actually make a career are often dismissed and insulted as Mannweib (virago), or Karriereweib (a career-obsessed shrew). This happens all the more if they decide not to have children, or not to stay at home and raise them if they do have children, whereas nobody would criticise a man in the same way. No employer asks a young man whether he wants to have children, but women who aren't past their child-bearing age are still confronted with this question when applying for a job, even though I think this question is illegal under EU law now.

So, is modesty something to aspire to, especially given the consequences if you don't behave demurely? The impact the concept that 'modesty befits a girl/woman' had (and still has in parts) on women's behaviour throughout the centuries can still be felt. Despite the women's lib movement of the 1960s to the 1980s, and that of 'feminism' from the 1990s till now, there is no real emancipation. Women in high positions such as president of a country are still the exception. Laws have been passed in the name of equality, such as the 'quota rule' of Germany's big political parties, which demands that a specific percentage of offices and mandates have to be assigned to women⁵; but Papier ist geduldig as we say here, meaning as much as 'paper is patient', i.e. you can write down anything you want without it having to have any consequences whatsoever.

So why is it that only a few women 'break out' of their destined path in life? It is because the idea that modesty befits a girl and woman is still very much ingrained in society's collective brains – men's and women's alike.

The result is not only that women don't ask for what they should have by right anyway, but sometimes affects them so much that they are even humble. A humble person with low self-esteem is an easy target for oppression. What's more, if somebody is humble, they will certainly apologise for everything they say or do the moment they think they've upset somebody. Their perception of even the slightest criticism will make them retreat, yet, at the same time, they will feel like a victim. This may even go as far as them feeling persecuted. On a daily basis, it makes living with them like walking on thin ice, as anything you say may be interpreted as criticism and be the cause for yet another apology, followed by self-pity on the part of the humble person you're dealing with. In the end, at best you may decide to avoid this potential minefield, or you may even become annoyed and dismiss everything with something like: 'Oh, it's him/her again', while rolling your eyes. Depending on how close to the person you are, you may then feel guilty for having thought this, get back to them, and a vicious circle begins. So, although a small measure of modesty befits everybody, too much of it results in negative feelings and lack of action.

So, sisters, listen to another German proverb and act accordingly:

Bescheidenheit ist eine Zier

doch weiter kommst du ohne ihr.

[Literal translation: Modesty is an adornment

but you get further

without her. Or:

Modesty and unselfishness:

These are the virtues which men praise, and pass by.