From ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties, and things that go bump in the night,
May the Good Lord protect us.

But, how do you protect yourself? What exactly are you threatened by? Myths, superstitions and folklore are quite specific in some areas, yet unnervingly vague in others.

So, in order to reassure you, I've compiled a basic list of the creepy stuff. I tried to stay away from the Horror Film monsters, since we all know how to take them out, but there are a few little facts that Hollywood and Pine studios forgot to mention.

For instance, there are a host of ways to make vampires, witches and werewolves out of perfectly ordinary people, especially if they're dead. The effect seems interchangeable; If A happens to a corpse, it'll turn into B, but there's gonna be a monster in your midst if you don't watch your self. Here are a few of the do's and don's to remember:

1. Dont let a cat jump over a corpse. This is a must.
   

2. Don't leave the mirrors in the house uncovered when someone dies. They could come out of the mirror and get you.
   

3. Don't let them die without being confessed.
   

4. Don't let any animals near a dead body. Animals can either steal the soul or carry an evil spirit to them. Then you've got one of the big three on your hands.
   

5. Be wary if a candle in the room burns with a blue flame, or if a dog howls for no reason. These are signs that a ghost is present.
   

6. Don't leave the eyes and mouth of the deceased open. It's best to seal these with copper by placing a penny on them.
   

7. Don't bury anyone who died of murder or suicide on "hallowed ground". This is a sure way of making a vampire or werewolf.Bury these people at the crossroads, where the devil can find them.
   

8. Be sure to protect yourself on the way home from the funeral. Strewing seeds, tying knots in string and dropping them behind you, scattering beans, and sprinkling sea salt are good ways of loosing a ghost. Apparently ghosts, witches, and the like have to stop and clean up the mess, counting every little grain and untying every not before they can continue following you.
   

9. Plant Rowans in your cemetery. They are blessed trees and will keep the spirits sleeping peacefully.
   



10. Don't let anyone make off with a corpse's hand. These can be used in all kinds of folk remedies and spells, from curing a tooth ache to raising a ghost. In fact, the best way to dispose of your loved one seems to be cremation, followed by a blessing of the ashes. Just about any body part can be used for nefarious deeds, and we want to discourage that.
    

11. Don't drink from an animal's footprint, or you'll become a werewolf. Don't drink from the same water as a wolf did. In fact, try to avoid wolves, altogether.
    

12. When traveling at night, don't talk to strangers. The Talmud says that they could be demons in disguise.
    

13. Carry something brass in your pocket, preferably a key. It scares off the evil spirits.
    

14. If you sit on the steps of a church at midnight on certain days, the ghostly apparitions of everyone who will die that year will parade before you. Be careful, though; if you see your own ghost in the procession, it'll be the death of you.
    

15. If someone gives you the Evil Eye, recite this verse: "Two angels came from the west.
    One brought Fire, One brought Frost. Out Fire, In Frost"
    This will nullify the effects of the curse.
    



16. Stay away from crossroads at night. Everything bad goes there, from ghosts and witches to the Devil himself. Maybe they're playing cards, or something.
    

17. Always keep one or more of the following with you; they scare evil spirits: Mandrake root, four leaf clover, iron cross, human hair and teeth medallion, representations of the human hand or head, saints medals or pictures, birth stones, charms and amulets. Evil spirits are especially frightened by malachite, iron, brass, diamonds, juniper, rowan, fire, bright lights, star sapphire, sard and religious symbols. They love chocolate and flowers such as marigolds and mums.
    

18. Watch out for coyotes. They turn into ghosts at midnight.
    

If all else fails, and you've got a werewolf to de-wolf, you don't necessarily have to kill him. Just get him into a church, then take a sprig each of ash, white poplar and birch, and bind them together with red ribbon, forming a wand. Set some Holy Water on to boil while praying, then dip the wand into the water. Slap the werewolf in the face with the wet wand, and say, using the proper dramatic voice, "In the name of the Blessed Lady, Be gone! Depart! Black, Evil Devils from Hell, Be gone!" Do this three times, then curse at the wolf and revile him three times.

If that doesn't do it, shoot him.