I have a different issue of 'Stories from Spook' this week. Firstly, I have a section where you can type your own stories. Then I have introduced a Story Joke into my column. After that I have a small story about the 'Horror of War' and a short story called 'Death to Old'. Unfortunately there is no 'The End of Space' this week. If you have a funny Story Joke or a Story that you would like to see in 'Stories from Spook', then either put it in as a conversation or e-mail me at [email protected]. If you e-mail me could you please make sure you include your h2g2 nickname (if you have one) and your h2g2 researcher number so I can give you credit for the story. Next week I want to introduce a story from another writer and a new section called 'Spook's Horror Stories'. Even if you think your story is possibly rubbish or you don't think you're a very good writer, still send your stories to me as others may think your stories are great¹. I hope you enjoy this edition of 'Stories from Spook'.

If you don't want to e-mail me with a story then you can just type it in here instead. I don't mind how you get your stories to me but I think this is probably the easiest way.

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one;
'Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?'

So the first man replied:
'Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell - but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.'

'That sounds like a pretty bad day to me!'

said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man came up and Peter explained to him about heaven being full, and again asked for his story.

'It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here.'

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

'Picture this.'

said the third man.
'I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator...'

The sound of machine gun fire echoed in the hills. The bodies lay dead on the deserted land. The green grass is gone. The happiness is gone. The freedom is gone. The EVIL has WON!

'Where is daddy?'

asks a boy who's father is one of those that is missing. His father is dead. Just like a lot of other fathers. Their sons will grow up without their influence, hating the ones that caused their pain. Do we really want this?

The graves are full of bodies. Everyone has lost a friend or relative. Everyone suffers. Do you want to suffer? Is this really a world you want to live in? Are you prepared to live without some of your loved ones? Are you prepared for this?

The dead are counted. 1, 2, 3... Isn't one too many. 13, 14, 15... How many more will come. 77, 78, 79... Do you know them? 234, 235, 236... The list continues... 983, 984, 985... Who will dig all the graves? 4253, 4254, 4255... Who are they? 13029, 13030, 13031... The bodies are unrecognisable. 789214, 789215, 789216... Did we really win this war. 1479368, 1479369, 1479370... Death is the real winner... 52752857, 52752858 - Too many to count.

This is war. Do you really want this, AGAIN!? If you do, then the terrorists have already WON!

A man looked at his watch.
'I'm Old,'

he said,
'I'm Old.'

He was brought before the king.
'I'm Old,'

he said,
'I'm Old.'

'Do you want to die?'

the King asked him as he ate his pie.

'Death is my last request,'

he replied,
'Death is my last request.'

'Then you shall die!'

Said the King as he finished his pie.

A week later, the man was brought before the King to be executed. Once again, before the execution, the King asked the man;
'Do you want to die?'
'Death is my last request,'

he replied again,
'death is my last request.'
'Then get ready to die!'

Said the King as he started another pie.

Just before the man was about to be executed the King asked him;
'Any last words?'
'Yes,'

he replied,
'Can I have a bit of your pie?'
'Why do you want a bit of my pie?'

said the king who was puzzled over this request.
'Everyone who is old has had apple pie before?'

The man replied;
'Well my name's Old and I'm 23 and have never had apple pie before!'

This reply shocked the King, who replied by asking;
'Then why do you want to die?'
'I don't want to die yet'

replied the man who was starting to get angry.
'Death is my last request, I haven't even had my first yet!'

The King was called 'Dimbo the Great', as he was the Greatest Dimbo of them all.

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